Having the most trendy clothes, being popular, playing sports are just some of the ways middle school students try to fit in. During this age range the "need to belong" is a relatively new feeling and is at an all time high. The number one thing on many middle school students' minds is to be "cool" and to be highly liked by peers. The desire to fit in is a way of life at this point of time in the life of many kids. Think back to when you were in middle school, do you remember having this dire need to fit in? I remember the increase of needing to belong during this period of my life. When I think back I remember wanting to get the coolest new clothes for school. These clothes were not just for me, but largely to impress my friends. At this age period we tend to put great emphasis on impressing our friends; feeling cool makes us feel like we do fit in. I remember changing schools in sixth grade, middle school was a scary thought, as we would now be changing classes and having new classmates. Of course it is natural to want those classmates to like you and to meet new friends, so we strive to impress them. During this time of adolescence most kids have not yet found out who they truly are, it is a time for experience. At this age we tend to lack decision making skills, confidence in one's self, and are especially afraid of being alone; making it also a time period that is associated with many risk factors. The importance of peers is at an all time high during these middle school years, as they are spending more time at school and after-school activities/clubs. With these busy schedule middle school students tend to be around peers without adult supervision more often, there relationships with their parents tend to take second place during this period of life.
Nobody wants to feel alone or isolated, especially when your peers play such a huge role in your life, so with all of these new experiences and pressures it only make sense this "need to belong" feeling is at an all time high during this period of life.
"Just trying to fit in..."
I have a little brother in middle school and some of the stuff he does to be "cool" amazes me. I often find myself getting frustrated with his constant need to be wearing what (he thinks) is in style and his need do incredibly dumb things in front of his friends just to impress them. But your blog post makes me step back and remember what that time was like. Image was a huge deal back then and I guess I can't really blame him for being the way he is, it's by no means out of the ordinary. But like it was already said, it just takes time for kids to get their priorities straight and realize what's really meaningful in life.
I definitely agree with this. In middle school I had a really good group of friends so I didn't have to worry about trying to impress them, or get the coolest clothes so people would like me more. My friends liked me for who I was and I wish that could be the same for everyone. I remember a lot of kids in middle school would try to be someone they weren't just to impress others. There was one boy specifically who in sixth grade was very concerned about school and tried really hard to get good grades. Once he realized that that was "uncool" he changed dramatically the next year. In seventh grade he was a completely different person. He didn't care at all about school, or at least that's what he was trying to display to others. I think that it is sad that kids will completely change who they are just to fit in.
Great post, couldn't agree more with you on the subject. As I reminisce on my middle school years, I can recall that people really started to form the first sorts of cliques, and people, particularly females, started to get a lot nastier to other girls they did not get along with. Bullies became more prominent, and frankly for some kids just surviving recess was a daily struggle. I think getting involved in activities and clubs is a great way to find a group of people who share similar interests, and can provide you with people who will stick up for you in these tough times.
This is a great topic! I definitely remember having the sole purpose behind my actions in middle school being to make myself look "cool" to the other kids in my class. At times these things can work and you achieve your goals, yet you may become a person you don't want to become. This is when "fitting in" becomes a dilemma for kids. Be cool, or stick to your values?
I am almost sure that everyone in their lifetime have one way or another had that feeling. The want to just feel accepted by our peers even if that meant changing how we dress or speak. The pressure to fit in is an inevitable one. Unfortunately, it does a great deal on how we feel about ourselves, positively and negatively. We may also succumb to certain things we may not want to do but feel like we have to so that we can "fit in". Like some of us may have experienced during discussion's activity, we followed and agreed to others around is just so we were not the minority even though we may have had other thoughts about certain things. I wonder what makes us humans feel this way and whether this can be portrayed in other species or just unique to our race.
I definitely have noticed the "need to belong" trend among middle schoolers more so now that I am out of the adolescence years. Looking at my younger cousins, who are 12 and 14, I've noticed that they exhibit such behaviors that you described above. I was looking on their facebooks after their spring break trip a few weeks ago, and there was profanity everywhere. I was appalled. However, I do understand that this isn't truly a reflection of who they are because I can see how the media and their friends have influenced them. I believe a lot of people grow out of this phase when they realize who they want to be and what they want to be remembered for. It's all about growing up and realizing what is important.