Well, winter in Minnesota is about to begin, as we are expecting snow (2-5 inches) tomorrow afternoon/evening. I'm betting that we don't get a lot of snow (just a gut feeling), but according to the weather historians, November 15th is just around the median date for first snow fall in Minnesota. We shall see...
Personally, the change of weather (from autumn to winter, especially) makes me yearn for my mom's cooking. I'm not sure exactly why, though I suppose it has to do with evolution (such as fattening up for the winter) and learned associations (such as snow days and comfort food). Whatever the reason, I went ahead and bought a whole chicken yesterday and am making a chicken broth tonight. To me, there is something extremely comforting about chicken broth. It is such a great base for many different dishes, as well as tasting great all by itself. Fortunately, making chicken broth also is pretty straightfoward (skin chicken, add carrots, celery, green beans, onions, garlic, and a variety of seasonings, simmer everything in pot of water). Still, I have moments of doubt in my cooking ability.
I like cooking and people always ask me where or how I learned to cook. I always give a similar answer...I was the youngest of three boys, so I became my mom's helper. The youngest. I guess it happens when there are no daughters in the family. So, I spent a lot of time in the kitchen helping my mom (and my grandmother) out. I also tell people that my mom had owned a restaurant and Korean grocery store, and had taught Korean cooking at the local adult continuing education program while I was growing up. All these experiences has a cumulative effect, I suppose.
In addition, learning to cook with my mom (side by side) provided me with an emotional warmth and comfort that comes from being beside someone you admire and love. The psychoanalyst Heinz Kohut referred to this experience as twinship. It comes from identifying with a parent and modeling after him/her. You learn to acquire skills and self-efficacy from this experience, but more importantly you derive a sense of security and belonging from this type of experience. You realize this person looks like you, acts like you, has similar interests and values as you. These revelations are powerfully validating and serve as a fundamental foundation for your sense of self. They offer security to develop autonomy and initiative.
And so here I am many years later...no longer the child in the kitchen...nevertheless, shaped and molded by these experiences. I think I even have some reflexive conditioning which explains why my first impulse when I get worried if I am making a dish right or wrong is to reach for the phone and call my mom. Unfortunately, I can't do that anymore since my mom passed away back in December of 2002. Amazingly, it has been nearly 3 years (just 3 weeks shy), but I still want to call my mom. These phone calls would always be in the evening in the midst of my last minute preparation for a meal. I'd call and my mom always took the time to guide me along. It didn't matter if she had just gotten home late from work, was in the middle of her own cooking, or was hosting guests at the house. She always took the time to help me out, to tell me short cuts or what to substitute, to say how long to bake, fry, or steam.
Lots of people, particularly my White friends, got emotional support and love through "I love you's" and other emotional and physical forms of affection, but me...I got it through these phone calls and my mom's cooking wisdoms. In a way, it brings me back to childhood, back in the kitchen, helping my mom, side by side... These recollections and memories reaffirm me and give me tremendous comfort, strength, hope, happiness. To this day, my wanting to reach for the phone to call my mom and ask her a cooking question is bittersweet, but mostly it's sweet, sweet memories.
So, winter is upon us and it's time to make comfort foods to fatten ourselves up for the cold. For most of us, it means trying to recreate mom's cooking. I have about 2 hours of simmering to go and then I will let the chicken broth cool. I will remove the chicken carcass, remove and shred the meat, and place the bones back in the broth to suck the last of the marrow from them. Tomorrow, when I get hungry, I will add some of the meat back to the broth, throw in some rice cakes, and make myself some duk-guk (which is sort of a Korean style chicken noodle soup). And while eating it as the first snow falls, I will say a prayer to my mom to give her thanks for helping me make this comfort food.
Posted by richlee at November 14, 2005 08:26 PMhey rich, this comment will be shorter than what i originally wrote but here goes. i was touched by your blog because i have a very similar relationship with my parents. i always count on my mom (regardless of time of day) to pick up the phone when i call to remind me of her recipes and directions for cooking. it is how we have bonded over the years and how we continue to bond. unfortunately, i am not a great cook, but i continue to try (it gets harder when there are two kids pulling on your legs while you chop garlic!). I don't know if you remember this but a few years ago you and i went ot Mills Korean restaurant in morningside heights in ny and you ordered the stuffed (with gingseng, dates, chectnuts?) whole young chicken soup. it was good but i am sure not as great as your mom's. i remember the meal well because i had never thought of soup when i think of korean food (more the bbq or dumplings, noodles) but now i almost always get soup when i eat korean food thanks to you (more spicy tofu kind though).
stine
hi christine, thanks for sharing and sorry for the error messages when you tried to post a comment. minnesota is upgrading their system and it was created error messages for everyone.
i fondly remember going to eat korean food. you have a great memory re: the korean dish with the whole chicken stuffed with sweet rice, ginger, dates, chestnut. it is a summer time dish. you can shred the chicken and dip it into salt as you eat the soup. yummy.
koreans definitely are known for their spicy soups too. you must be referring to dooboo jigae (tofu stew). very tasty indeed. very easy to make too. some day, i will teach you :)
Posted by: rich at November 16, 2005 07:57 PM