Over the holidays, we often visit family or think of family when they are too far away to visit or reminisce about family who are no longer in our lives. More than any other narrative that help define our lives, the family narrative is perhaps the most powerful one of all. It is the core of our existence, the manna that feeds the soul. Even when we disown our family, it still defines who we are and sheds light on where we are heading. Such is the power of family.
For Thanksgiving, I was not able to go home to spend it with my father or brothers. Instead, I spent the day with some friends of mine. We had a wonderful meal and spent the day tossing the football at dusk, watching the tv show Lost on TiVo, and relaxing by the fireplace. Still, throughout the day, I thought of my family. My eldest brother was in London with his family, visiting his wife's sister and her husband. My middle brother was in WA in his new home, just purchased three weeks earlier, with his son, girlfriend, and her children. My father, his new wife, and my grandmother were back in CT. To be honest, I was a bit sad because I spoke the day before with my father and he mentioned having Thanksgiving at home, just the three of them, with a turkey meal purchased pre-made at Boston Market. When I called my dad on Thanksgiving day, I was glad to hear that he had invited over a family friend and her daughter to share Thanksgiving. This family friend is a single mother from Korea who used to work for my parents and had recently returned to America because her daughter is going to school here. To me, Thanksgiving is a day meant to spend together with people - family and friends - the more, the merrier.
Growing up, we had big Thanksgiving dinners full of aunts, cousins, family friends, and literal strangers who were invited by my mother to share the day with our family. These strangers were college students and single/married people who had no family nearby to spend the day. Often, we had over 20 people at our home. It was a mad house, but a fun house. Later in the day, I would go to my neighbors next door for the annual neighborhood football game. We would drive over to the local elementary school and set up the cones for the two end zones. Adults and children would play touch or flag football. Afterwards, we would come home and eat more food, dessert, and warm up by the fireplace. Ah...childhood memories worth remembering.
Families definitely come in all shapes and forms. As we get older, I think the notion of family diversifies even more. It includes biological kins and increasingly friends. Amazingly, we never give up the notion of family. It remains an innate part of our vocabulary. Perhaps because families are the manifestation of all that is holy, we fittingly think of family on holy days (holidays).
Recently, I came across a new book on family. It is called Why Do I Love These People and it is written by Po Bronson. It is a new book, so I have not had a chance to read it, but the previews and snippets are positive [click here].
Since I have not read the book yet, the best part of Why Do I Love These People thus far is the website which accompanies it. The website provides a Factbook on Everything Family. The site contains all the author's memos on facts and figures related to family life. It is an addictive site and encourage folks to check it out.
Hopefully, as you review the facts on the website, you will think of your families and what they mean to you - the good and bad. I know that not everyone gets along with their parents or siblings or in-laws. I am not trying to guilt folks. My family has many skeletons in the closet, but they are less frightening the more often I open the closet door and look into the dark. I think that this is the function of ghost stories. We give meaning and context to the unknown and these scary things become a bit less scary, a bit more tolerable, even fun to reflect back on as adults.
Posted by richlee at November 29, 2005 10:29 AM