FamiLee Life

Chernobyl and Me:: 20 Years Later

It was twenty years ago today that the Chernobyl reactor exploded, releasing radioactivity hundreds and thousands of miles. For a Q&A of the event, click here. Today, they are still reinforcing the sarcophagus that was erected to surround the reactor to prevent further radioactive leakage.

Twenty years ago, for me, brings me back to my junior year of high school. I was junior class president, captain of the wrestling team, top 20 in my class of 300 or so, dating a varsity cheerleader, and soon to get kicked out of school. In a way, I was undergoing my own nuclear (family) meltdown and I had already built up my own sarcophagus.

You see, my oldest brother had dropped out of college and was soon-to-be engaged to a woman who was (gasp!) not Korean American (btw, she is now his lovely wife). My middle brother also had dropped out of college, was in/out of a hospital, and trying to figure out his life. My father had quit his job in advertising because of racism and the glass ceiling effect and was cobbling together part-time work. My mother was working two full-time jobs and trying to keep everything together. Me? I was stuck somewhere in the middle of all of this mess, trying to find my own identity and place in the world.

It was a time in our lives that I can now look back upon and say "Thank God, we made it through." It also was a time when we really grew in our lives, as individuals and as a family. Sometimes, it takes a nuclear meltdown for a family to rebuild itself up in a healthier and stronger way.

As an immigrant family, we spent the first 20 years of our lives in America just trying to make a go of it. Trying to live the American Dream, not knowing the dream was unrealistic and not really meant for folks who aren't wealthy and White. This disconnect between immigrant reality and immigrant dream added to our frustrations and exacerbated all the other acculturative issues that were purcolating to the top.

After our personal and familial chernobyl, we spent many, many years building up our sarcophagus to try to hide the pain, shame, and bitterness. Then, slowly, we started to look inward, reflecting on what had happened, what had gone wrong. We began to talk more openly with each other. We started to forgive each other. We acknowledged our pains and silently and collectively decided to make changes in our individual and familial lives.

Today, twenty years later, my father is retired and enjoying life as a painter. My eldest brother is a successful businessman and proud pappa of three wonderful children. My middle brother also is a wonderful father to a boy and a great elementary school teacher. My mom...my mom...she lived her life to the fullest and we still miss her each day. As for me, well, here I am writing this blog, reflecting with a tear in one eye and a twinkle in the other eye. Who would have thought this is where I (or any of us) would have ended up a generation later.

May the people of Ukraine find a way to accept the pain, forgive the past, and move forward with their lives.

Posted by richlee at April 26, 2006 02:36 PM