FamiLee Life

Back Home :: Part II

I returned to Mpls yesterday after a long weekend with my father in Connecticut. It was good to spend time with him and to help him with the exhibit installation. I was surprised by how smoothly it all went. My dad has painted furiously over the past couple of years and, in the end, he had 55 paintings jam packed into the space. It was an impressive feat, although about 10 paintings actually did not fit on the walls and were leaning against the wall or put up on easels. I still think there were too many paintings but he really wanted to show everything. It's his show, so I conceded. The opening reception will be on Thursday evening.

While in CT, it was great to visit with my 93+ year old grandmother who, in fact, did ask me about my romantic life and made sure that I was going to church. She also asked what I did during the summer because school was not in session. Do I still go to the office or do I have the whole summer off? Ha! I wish!

At some point, my grandmother and I - using simple Korean to communicate - moved on to the topic of adoption. It was an interesting conversation because she did not know the korean word for adoptee - ibyang (side bar - My father explained to me that the Korean word for adoptee is based on Chinese characters and this might explain why she didn't know it). I then went on to explain that some Korean people are not raised by Korean parents. Instead, they are raised by "American" (i.e., White) parents. Her response was interesting. She used a Korean word that was not familiar to me. She said, "Oh, bool ssang ha da." I asked my dad what this word meant. He was fairly roundabout in his translation, due largely to his own English vocabulary. He said that bool ssang ha da is said to someone who is an orphan or a child without parents. Rather than a noun that describes the person's status or role, it connotes pity or sympathy for the person because of his/her life situation as an orphan.

I am not 100% on this translation of the word but it got me thinking. Specifically, it gave me another perspective to help understand Koreans when they meet adoptees. Often, I hear from adoptees that they do not want sympathy or pity from native or immigrant Koreans but often are treated in this manner during interactions. I also observe this type of exchange whenever I see adoptees and immigrants/natives getting together. At least for my grandmother and perhaps for others of the older generation, the strong neo-Confucian value on family and a person's role within the family defines a person's identity. In the absence of this lineage, a strong feeling of loss and sadness emerges and is expressed as bool ssang ha da.

Well, let me research this term/concept a bit more before making any stronger commentary.

[UPDATE - My laptop will not convert Korean text for some reason, so I asked Holly to do an online English-Korean translation of the word "pity" and it indeed came back as bool ssang. The translation for orphan was not bool ssang. Instead, it was a longer phrase that literally means "without parents."]

I also had a chance to meet up with some old high school friends of mine who also were in town for the holidays. After dinner with my father, his wife, and old family friends, I went over to Sean's parent's house. Sean (aka OD) and his wife, Jackie (who is 9 months pregnant), were up from NYC to enjoy a quiet weekend away from the city. Chris (aka Spanky) also was coming back through town from a week spent on the Cape. Dave still lives in CT and had an opportunity to join us for the evening because his wife and 4 kids (!) were away for the weekend. It was a great, relaxing time. We caught up on other friends' lives, gave updates on our own situations with work, family, fun, and talked about everything under the stars from genetics to fantasy baseball.

One of the most unusual yet great things about my childhood is that my high school friends have all for the most part stayed in close touch and have remained friends. There are probably around a doxen of us, now living all over the United States (CA, MN, SC, NC, IN, MA, NY, CT). We still attend each other's weddings (tho' fewer and fewer of us are not married) and some even get together for shared vacations. On holidays, we try to see each other at least for a night of revelry.

So, it was the perfect ending to my brief visit home. Although the trip came at a busy time, as I prepare for a three week trip to Europe, it was a good reminder to appreciate all the good people in one's life. Friends and family help to ground us all. Without them, perhaps people would look upon us and say bool ssang ha da.

Posted by richlee at July 3, 2006 10:44 AM