Over at Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast, there is a great post to follow up on my "How Racism Works" post. Read her post and then return to finish reading this one.
[Pause and patiently I wait...]
Okay, you are back! What would you do or say in this situation?
Some people of European descent might say, "Well, when I was traveling through Asia or Africa, strangers asked to touch my hair." However, I have to say that this is not a fair comparison example because (a) being White has cache and privilege all around the globe, so such objectification while inconsiderate does not have as negative an effect and (b) African Americans are not foreigners traveling through America. There should be nothing exotic about them!
Other people might say, "He was just trying to be friendly and, okay, maybe a bit ignorant." SITBB, however, makes us think about the larger socio-political landscape of such a question/request. First, if someone had a breast implant, would you ask this person if you could touch their breast? I love that line of query! Second, people should not be seen only as objects of fulfillment or curiosity. People of any race should not be seen as a museum exhibit like a stuffed cheetah or a dinosaur skeleton.
A small minority might be offended but still offer their child's hair to be touched. For them, I just say, I feel bad for that child to be treated and humiliated in this manner. The child may not realize it then but those sort of experiences accumulate over time. Imagine things people have said to you that make you feel different. Multiply it over a lifetime and tell me that it does not exact a psychological and social toll on you!
Other thoughts?
Posted by richlee at December 11, 2006 10:10 AMFor some reason, "Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast" hits me stronger than your story did. I don't know why--cuz it involves children? cuz it involves physical boundaries? cuz of my own racist views on African Americans and Asian Americans? cuz of my expectations of how white folks generally treat African Americans vs. Asian Americans?
hrm, or maybe cuz this person didn't say how they reacted. (anyways, definitely not saying my reaction is right. i just find it curious.)
Posted by: RobynT at December 11, 2006 04:49 PMWow! Regardless of his racism, his motivations, or whathaveyou, I think asking to touch a stranger's child is just incredibly creepy. I'm shocked someone would ask (and the shock suggests to me that race must've figured into the interaction, if only because he wouldn't have had the nerve to make a similar request of a white family even if its little girl did have interesting hair). And the answer I'd give -- regardless of my race -- would be a horrified gasp, a sharp "No, of course not!" and a grabbing hold of my kid to illustrate protection and removal.
It reminds me of Miss Manners' advice to people who are touched in an unwelcome way. To wit:
"Nosy questions should be answered with only a silent smile, and unsolicited advice with a colder smile. Unauthorized touching is best answered with a scream of surprise -- this merely indicates it was startling, but it discourages its being done again." Screaming would probably make the point most effectively of all.
Posted by: shadygrove at December 13, 2006 02:57 PMOne curious phenomenon is that some white folks feel compelled to be extra nice to people of color. The reasons for this are varied, I'm sure. But the manifestation of this compulsion, most of the time, is to try to demonstrate how comfortable they feel with people of different races. One way to demonstrate comfort is to touch, often inappropriately (as in the SITBB story). Another is to start a presumptuous conversation about race (as in Rich's story). As if to say: "See, I'm so progressive I can touch black people, and I can engage Asian-Americans in conversations about race. I have friends who aren't white for God's sake!" It's a self-serving mechanism to assuage our self-doubts about our true level of comfort with racial diversity. A similar thing happens when straight people over-compensate to show they are cool with homosexuality. Eventually, enough exposure demonstrates that this foolishness is unnecessary and even demeaning.
I don't want anybody to be offended by what I wrote, so I will close by saying that my black mailman knows a Chinese guy, and he is totally cool with all of it.
Posted by: Jim at December 13, 2006 05:27 PM