FamiLee Life

Halmoni's Story :: Korean Birthmother Panel

Last Saturday morning, as part of the ongoing Still Present Pasts programming, we were privileged to have a 73 year old Korean immigrant woman share her life story of life after the Korean War and the process and aftermath of placing four children for adoption. It was a powerful story (thanks YoonJu Park for interpreting and Jennifer Arndt-Johns for moderating!). I was going to recap it but Hal (at Inner Geek) beat me to it (and did a wonderful job of summarizing her story).

After her talk, Mrs Lee and I were introduced and, adoringly, she stayed by my side and we chatted in broken Korean/English. It was an endearing moment. She is one year younger than my father and would have been closer in age to my mother, but she was much more like my 94 year old grandmother (my halmoni). Mrs Lee is a tiny but strong woman with a lot of punch and humor left in her. You could see the lines of tragedy and heartache in her face, but also a skin that was resilient and forward looking. Here was a woman who weathered the worst of the worst and yet somehow found the courage to continue moving forward with her life. Holding on to my hand, she repeatedly invited me over to her home for dinner, saying she enjoyed being around so many people her children's age. In her words were love and loneliness, intertwined like tree branches and vines locked in a symbiotic battle for existence.

From Inner Geek

A Story of Tragedy, Loss, Faith, Hope

…that is how the telling of her story began this morning. As part of the Still Present Pasts exhibit, Mrs. Lee, a Korean birthmother, told her story to us speaking through an interpreter. Before the Korean War, she worked in a shirt factory. She was 18 when the Korean War started, so she couldn’t go for advanced schooling. (Girls couldn’t go when people were starving, but boys could.) She was 22 when she married -- for love, rather than by family arrangement. Her husband was a construction manager; they had 4 children - 3 boys and 1 girl. They lost their resources and their livelihood when some of his workers sued him. They had to move in 1971, and her husband died in 1972 (because of shock and stress, she said).

Click "Continue Reading..." below to read more....

With children ages 14, 9, 6, and 2, she was unable to work outside the home and had no extended family to help. They had disowned her after she married for love rather than by family arrangement. The pastor of her church suggested that she place the 2 year old for adoption so that she could work and support the other 3 children. She reluctantly went to Holt (an adoption agency); within 3 months, an adoptive family in the U.S. was chosen and sent her a letter. They noticed all 4 children in a picture and offered to adopt all 4 siblings.

Mrs. Lee couldn’t think of her life without children. She postponed the baby’s departure for 6 months. The oldest son asked to go to America - the land of promise, the “dream country.” A friend told her: if you send one baby, you will lose contact forever; but if you send all 4 children, perhaps you can have contact and they will come back to you some day. So she decided to send all 4 children.

After they were gone, she saw no hope for living any longer. She tried to commit suicide 4 times and failed. Friends suggested that she remarry, but she refused. If she remarried, her name would be changed to that of her new husband and removed from her family’s registry. Therefore, if her children tried to find her, they wouldn’t be able to. She had no social life or close friends. People asked her how she could enjoy herself, when she had given up her children.

When her daughter was 19, she contacted her mother. “It was the best day in my whole life!” She was persuaded to move to Minnesota in 1992, but it didn’t work out and she moved back to Korea. “Whenever I received a letter, the whole world was mine.” She moved back to Minnesota in 1996. She had hoped to be with all her children, but her oldest son moved to California and started a business. She doesn’t know where he lives now; he doesn’t call her. The other 3 live here and have good relationships with her. She hopes that her oldest son will return some day.

She does know the family who adopted her children. She appreciates the love and support they have given her children. Even though they don’t speak each others’ language, they show their affection through hugs, smiles, and demonstrations of appreciation and affection.

She was asked, “How do your children feel now about your decision (to place them for adoption)?” She said the children tell her not to regret it - they try to comfort her; they say they have had a good life here.

She was asked whether she has become friends with other Korean women who placed babies for adoption. She said she is ashamed; she does not want to share this with other women. She said no Korean woman would place a child for adoption without being in terrible circumstances. It is unspeakable, indescribable. But she decided to tell her story today, in the context of this project about Korea and the Korean War, because she wanted to share the truth about her life.

Thank you, Mrs. Lee, for your courage in talking with us this morning. Every adoption involves compelling stories - stories that involve the strongest emotions that we humans experience. The stories of birth parents are not as frequently told as those of adoptees or adoptive parents. So it was a privilege to hear and learn from this story.

Sun Yung Shin :: Skirt Full of Black

I meet a lot of people through karaoke. Sun Yung Shin is one such person. Well, let me clarify. We first met briefly at a photography exhibit of the Tour de France by Caroline Yang. Shortly thereafter, we met singing karaoke. Not only can SY hold a tune, she can write. I mean, write. Not this sort of blogging stuff (though she does a bit of it too).

Her latest book (as in she has written more than one; see here and here) is titled Skirt Full of Black. This is a collection of poetry that interrogates through poetics the nature and meaning of culture, race, adoption, family, identity, religion, and sovereignty of nation and state (among other things).

Come to her book launch on May 1, 2007, 7 p.m.
with Yuko Taniguchi and Wang Ping
Loft Literary Center, Minneapolis

And....Read a feature story on her in the Pioneer Press.

MADE IN KOREA : Documentary on Korean Adoption in Netherlands

MADE IN KOREA
A Film by In-soo Radstake

Saturday, April 28th
7:15 p.m.
St. Anthony Main Theaters, Minneapolis
Sunday, April 29th
2:30 p.m.
St. Anthony Main Theaters
115 Main St SE
Minneapolis, MN 55414

A favorite at the Pusan Film Festival, this personal documentary is an intimate look into a Korean adoptees’ journey to find himself, and a romantic query on how much common ground is needed for lovers to fully connect with one another.(Netherlands 2006)

In conjunction with the Minneapolis/St. Paul International Film Festival.
Cosposored by the Consortium for the Study of the Asias and the University Symposia on Time, Institute for Advanced Study.

Korean Birthmothers Share

To really understand the history of international adoption requires that we understand the historical significance of the Korean War in leading to the transnational migration and, for some, displacement of children. The Still Present Pasts exhibit and programming touches upon this connection. On Saturday, two Korean birthmothers who are now in their 70s will share their stories for the first time in public. It will be a momentous occasion and I encourage people to attend.

Birthmother Panel
Korean immigrant mothers share their story of placing their children for adoption as a result of the Korean War

April 28
10:00 a.m. - 12:00 p.m.
Korean Presbyterian Church of Minnesota
5840 Humboldt Ave N
Minneapolis, MN 55430

Sponsored by the Institute for Advanced Study and in partnership with Korean Institute of Minnesota and the Korean Service Center

A Permanent Outsider...

"Adopted children are raised in white families and are afforded a lot of the privileges that come with being white in society. But at the same time, when they leave the sheltered environment of their home and town, the rest of society sees them as minorities," said Richard Lee, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Minnesota who has studied how adult international adoptees form their identities.

Lee has been studying diversity of experiences among international adoptees, and sees a new trend: For the first time, they're finding their own voices to express that diversity. "In the past it tended to be the adoptive parents who were the voice, and that's really shifting now. More adopted adults are speaking out and advocating on behalf of adopted children," he said.

I was interviewed by Sheena McFarland, a reporter for the Salt Lake Tribune and a woman who was adopted as a child from India, for a story on international adoption and the growing voice of adopted adults to define their own identities and to carve out their own spaces in society.

Read the full story here.

Immigration Is a Hard Life

From AP via Star Tribune....

"As soon as he started reading, the whole class started laughing and pointing and saying, `Go back to China,''' Davids said.

"There were just some people who were really mean to him and they would push him down and laugh at him,'' Roberts said Wednesday. "He didn't speak English really well and they would really make fun of him.''

The media wants to portray him as a foreigner, as someone with a mental illness, as an evil person. It's our nature to make these characterizations because it is easier for us to digest and accept this reality. The truth, however, is likely somewhere in between and outside these explanations. Between images of Asian Americans as model minorities and as forever foreigner is the reality that immigration is hard and challenging, full of heartache, exclusion, and rejection, as well as a time for opportunity and hope, success following hard work and persistence. For most children and adults, they experience lots of struggle but somehow find a way through family and community to make something meaningful of their lives. For some children and adults, the struggles are more overwhelming. Maybe they don't have the resources available to them. Maybe they are too shy or insecure. Discrimination and ridicule only deepen these wounds, making it even harder to reach out. Its imperative that we be willing to look at this aspect of American life. Perhaps this is one lesson we can learn from this tragic event.

One Last Posting on the Virginia Tech Tragedy

“What I’m saying is that in Columbine, the whole white community didn’t have to apologize and take responsibility,” she said. “We need to extend our hand and extend our condolences because it is a tragedy. But it will also be a tragedy if this comes to symbolize Korean Americans.”

This excerpt is taken from an article posted online at InsideHigherEd. Read the full article here.

AAPA Press Release :: Virginia Tech

A press release from the Asian American Psychological Association

Asian American Psychological Association Mourns Virginia Tech Tragedy

San Francisco -The Asian American Psychological Association joins with the rest of the nation in mourning the tragic loss of the members of the Virginia Tech community. In particular, we extend our heartfelt condolences to the families and friends of those who have suffered a personal loss and our deepest hopes for the healing of those who were injured and bore witness to this horrific event.

As psychologists and counselors, we understand the complexities of this incident and the multiple needs and emotions that are now pulling at us...as individuals, as a community, and as a nation. First and foremost among these, are the needs of those individuals who have been directly affected by this tragedy. So, as a community we will, in whatever way is available to each of us, honor and contribute to the healing of students, staff, faculty, their families, the community of Blacksburg, Virginia, and others across the nation who have been affected by this tragedy.

We also join with the nation as we struggle and search to find explanations for this tragedy. As we grapple with what happened, it is clear that in the search for simple answers and even simpler sound-bites, the spotlight may swing towards the issues of race, ethnicity and culture. We caution against simplifying the situation in this way. Although the alleged perpetrator has been identified as a Korean American immigrant, it is important to remember that no person’s actions are solely related to their race and/or culture. We know that race and culture do affect individual’s actions and social relationships in a way that contributes to stress and psychological difficulties. However, it is vital that our understanding of this tragedy not be reduced to and grounded in simplistic and stereotypic assumptions about Asian Americans in general or Korean Americans in particular. Psychological research has indicated that beliefs about and experiences with specific individuals of color have the clear potential to be generalized to the community as a whole – to the detriment of the community and the shared goal of justice and equality. Therefore, we caution against the assumption that this tragedy is representative of Asian Americans. Given the historical precedents, we also caution against retaliation directed at members of the Asian American community and call attention to the injustice and inappropriateness of such possible responses in the hope of preventing them.

As mental health professionals, we believe that this incident highlights the critical value of mental health services both as a step towards prevention and in response to tragedies such as this. Thus, during this time of shock and grief, it is our hope that mental health professionals will contribute to the healing that is to come.

The Asian American Psychological Association is the primary, national organization dedicated to the advancement of the psychological well-being of Asian Americans.

Bomb Threat on Campus :: Lovely

It's pissing me off now. Just had a bomb threat on campus near my office building. Am gathering my goods to head off campus to work at a coffee shop. Geesh. Stay safe everyone.

I Ride as Fast as a Marathoner

I set off this morning to ride to work and about one mile into my ride around Lake Harriet I realized that I forgot my helmet. I rode another 100 yards debating whether to continue or to turn around. I decided t o turn around, retrieved my helmet, swapped out the batteries on my front light, and set back on the road. Today's ride was enjoyable, though there was a slight headwind which seemed to slow my riding down about 1 mph. No biggie. Got to work on time still.

As I was riding, I noticed I was traveling around 13 mph which is a pretty leisurely pace. I pass some people (mostly old people and people on old beat-up rusty bikes) and other people pass me (mostly racers and the occasional person who's pedaling much too hard). I stay in my middle chain ring and just try to keep a steady as she goes pace. No need to destroy my knees.

When I discussed this riding philosophy to my older brother King, he commented (in typical older brother sarcasm) that I was riding as fast as a marathoner runs. It's true! I spent most of my ride amusing myself with this image of my riding side-by-side the Boston Marathon winner from Monday. It's amazing how fast they really do run!

This is what makes riding to work more enjoyable than driving to work in my car. The opportunity to pause and reflect and concurrently take in the morning air and sun.

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On other news, I called my father yesterday to talk a bit about the Virginia Tech shootings. He asked me more about the shooter (Seung-Hui Cho) and if he was a Korean immigrant or a Korean international student. Astutely, my dad had observed that the news kept referring to this young man as a South Korean national or a resident alien. I sensed that it ticked my father off a bit. When I told him that Mr Cho had immigrated at age 8, my father responded, "Oh, he's American." You see people, even my father understands that this young man (despite a lack of legal citizenship) was in all respects an American in upbringing, education, and likely most of his values and beliefs. My father then asked me, "Why does the news keep saying he is South Korean?!" Exactly.

Virginia Tech Massacre :: Race and Mental Health

NOTE - Minor update to statistical figures in first paragraph made on April 19, 2007. Changes in bold.

It's stunning news. Horrible in every imaginable way. When I heard the news and had some time to digest the tragedy, I did think that there was a greater than chance probability that the killer was Asian, given the past incidences on college campuses (here and here and here). Four out of fifteen of the major shootings since 1966 is a pretty alarming statistic, especially given the low number of Asians in the jails and prisons in the United States (i.e., as low as 1% according to two sources from the US Dept of Justice and Bureau of Justice Statistics - page 3).

It's alarming and disturbing and forces us to reflect on what leads to such tragedies. However, it's important to reflect on this matter without stereotype or mischaracterizations.

One of the racial issues to emerge from this tragedy is the way in which Seung-Hui Cho has been characterized. In an NPR interview, one witness described in as foreign looking. Other sources keep referring to him as a South Korean or a resident alien or as a foreign student. In truth, according to the latest CNN report, Mr. Cho was an immigrant to this country. He immigrated in 1992 and was a permanent resident. He was probably as American as the next person living in this country, despite not being a naturalized citizen.

We also are reminded that Asian Americans, despite public portrayals, are not model minorities who seem to only succeed in the American Dream. This myth is fraught with socio-cultural problems, discussed widely elsewhere (just do a quick google search). Yet it is a persistent myth that is conveniently used to scapegoat Asian Americans when discussing race relations in this country and then quickly discarded when tragedy strikes such as the Virginia Tech shootings. People are quick to blame the foreigner whom they only moments earlier saw as the model minority.

Asian Americans are just as likely as other groups to struggle with mental health problems. Such problems seem to be even more challenging for individuals who grow up as children in this country, as noted in a recent NLAAS study. The unspoken other tragedy in the aftermath of this event is the fact that this young man did not receive the needed treatment to address his mental health problems and that could have perhaps prevented this rage. To what extent is this likely lack of intervention due to the model minority myth?

The recent tragedy reminds us to to NOT mythologize a group of people as model anything and to NOT scapegoat this same group as foreigners. Instead, it should remind us to view all people of all races and ethnicities as individual people. Moreover, it should remind us as Americans that immigration and acculturation are stressful life experiences, rife with discrimination, racism, and other cultural barriers, that put an added strain on human functioning. As such, a more appropriate question is what can we do as local communities and as a society to address these challenges?

Minnesota Moment

Check out this Minnesota Moment. It's a promotion bit for the SPP exhibit and I was interviewed for it a week ago. Somehow, they spliced together our conversation to make me sound coherent. Thank you, editors!

Back to Reality and Other Monday Musings

Wow, what a weekend. Friday night was the mega-going away party for my dear friend, Kenny O. Saturday was the Still Present Pasts opening reception. Sunday night was the closing performance of Blood Wedding which featured my friend, Kurt Kwan. It was an art filled weekend. Perfect.

Rode my bike today to work. I love the bicycle computer that I received for Christmas. I attached it to my RB-1 and the nerd in me rejoices each time I ride. It's cool to see my current speed, average speed, distance traveled, total miles traveled. For example, it took 35 minutes to ride 8.4 miles to work this morning. When I drive my car to work, it is about 8.1 miles and takes me (on average) about 20 minutes to park my car. Then, it is another 5-7 minutes to walk to my office. So, riding my bicycle is only about an extra 10 minutes each way. Not bad with the benefits of exercise and saving the planet earth.

With SPP now fully underway, I can breathe a bit of relief and re-focus my energies on my research now. Plus, I can resume playing basketball again. Double Yay!

A Smashing Success!!! STILL PRESENT PASTS

Still Present Pasts opened last night to a standing room only crowd at Intermedia Arts. It was an amazing turnout. Estimates were around 300 people at any given time with a total attendance of 500 or so. How do we know it was this many people in attendance? Well, the opening ceremony was held in the theater which holds 150 and there were another 50 or so sitting on the stairs and floor and standing against the hallway walls to watch Korean drumming and dance, to listen to poetry, and to meet the SPP artists and contributors. Wow, what a show! Plus, there were another 100 or more people outside in the gallery. And as Mrs Park, member of the SPP steering committee (and executive director of the Korean Service Center), noted, she brought 500 cups and they were all used by the end of the evening!

I was amazed by the number and diverstiy of people who came to support the exhibit, the artists, and everyone involved in the exhibit. I am humbled by all this interest, all the love and support. Thank you to all those who attended, who believed in this exhibit, and who simply put up with me during this whole time.

The exhibit installation itself is awesome. It draws upon the personal and collective stories of Korean War survivors and depicts them in ways that reach people of all ages, races, nationalities, and immigration histories. The pieces are stunningly beautiful and at the same time they offer a sense of solemn serenity and meditation on war. Please come to view the national exhibit, but also to visit the five local visual art pieces which accompany the national exhibit in the Sandy Agustin cafe gallery space.

And there is more! For the next seven weeks, we will be hosting a series of public programs around the Twin Cities that feature Korean American artists. Next week, we will be at the Loft Literary Center performance space on Saturday night, in collaboration with Mu Performing Arts, to showcase five plays and literary performances -- Karen HeaChung Lyu: “Memories & Media Myths of Iran & North Korea: Exploring Personal Identity, Cultural Heritage and Media Soundbites”, Paul Juhn: “WORKS of ART,” kim thompson: excerpt from the show “timeline autobiographia: everything that is…, Ed Bok Lee: excerpt from “GLOW III,” and Sun Mee Chomet: excerpt from “asiamnesia”

One More Day :: STILL PRESENT PASTS

Tomorrow night is the big opening reception for the STILL PRESENT PASTS exhibit at Intermedia Arts, presented by the University of Minnesota Institute for Advanced Study in partnership with Intermedia Arts and Korean Quarterly.

PLEASE READ - The art exhibit is only one aspect of the Minnesota Still Present Pasts exhibit and public programs. There will be weekly educational, artistic, and community programs that encourage people to reflect on the legacies of war on American society. Click here for a full listing of events and keep visiting this site to find out what is new. In fact, you will see that we have two talks happening this afternoon on the UMN campus! Start the experience now...come to these talks!

An Incomplete Life? Penelope Cruz on Adoption

Yes, people, Penelope Cruz has entered the world of adoption and her quote from a recent interview is a bit troubling (read People).

"Of course I want to have kids," Cruz, 32, tells the Spanish edition of Marie Claire in its April issue. "I want to have my own kids, but also adopt. For a while I've had the feeling that my life won't be complete if I don't adopt."

I should probably be blogging about Don Imus's racist remarks about the Rutgers Women's Basketball team or, more immediate and proximal, about the STILL PRESENT PASTS exhibit opening on Saturday. Instead, I am writing about Ms. Cruz. Alas.

It is an interesting rhetoric to say one's life would be incomplete without adoption. It reminds me of the imagery of pregnancy invoked and employed by some people who choose to adopt (click here but please do NOT buy!).

As H. David Kirk emphasized many years ago, it is critical for adoptive families to not try to deny differences between biological families and adoptive families. Worse still, families who adopt and elect to use the bio-birth narrative are willingly or unwillingly falling into the dominant discourse that adoption is inferior and therefore attempting to gain legitimacy through fallacious reasoning.

The notion that one's life is incomplete without adoption is a strange one. Adoption certainly is a common human practice that has existed since (likely) early humanity. It is a means of individual and collective survival. My concern is that by portraying it as special or unique, it regulates the experience to a sideshow. It is the opposite of what some may intend to do. Adoption happens. It is a part of human survival and collective living.

What compels Ms. Cruz to make such a comment? Is she trying to portray herself as a humanitarian? As a godsend to some child? Maybe she just chose the wrong words to describe her desire to start a family. It definitely came across as privileged and entitled. Regardless of her intention, the message that it sends is that adoption is not normal and she is clearly special to have such an innate calling.

Two More Days :: One More Day

Two more days till the opening reception for the Still Present Pasts exhibit. I can't believe it is almost here. I am excited, nervous, proud, amazed. Mostly, I am amazed at the dedication and commitment of the steering committee, particularly Anne P, Jennifer and Holly, who have put in more hours than one can imagine to make this show a smashing success. They are the engine and wheels that kept this show on the road. Me? I was just the driver and oftentimes driving with cruise control. I could not have done it without them. I'm a lucky person and the community as a whole benefits from their efforts. If you see them, give them a high-five and a big thank you.

One more day till my close friend Kenny/Kenji/Ken's going away party. Friday night from 6 pm till dawn. He's moving to Miami, land of Don Johnson and CSI-Miami, on Sunday. The party is happening at Grumpy's on Washington Ave. We received the party room and will have (surprise) karaoke and guitar hero! It will be fun. It will be crazy. It will be well worth coming to check out the extravaganza.

Three More Days :: It's More than Art

The Still Present Pasts exhibit is more than just art. It is the collective memories and stories of individuals and families affected by war and displacement. It is about growing up without a history, without family heirlooms, without an appreciation of sacrifices, losses, and yearnings. When I was young, my parents avoided discussions about the war. On occasion, my mother would make a passing reference to Japanese soldiers, living without heat or food, and even my grandmother being put in front of a death squad. They were like morsels of the best tasting food that I had ever eaten but, in the same instance, it was like a forbidden fruit that I could not ask for again. It was taboo to ask openly. I rarely did.

As I got older, I found myself avoiding the subject because I didn't want to burden my parents. They worked long hours and were tired most of the time, so I just let them rest. In turn, they thought only of the future and avoided recollecting the past. Sometimes, my father would mention a distant relative or classmate and wonder aloud if the person was still alive in what is now North Korea. Usually, he already had drank a beer to relax after a 14 hour work day.

As chair of the steering committee for the Still Present Pasts exhibit and programming, I have had a chance to revisit this collective and family history. On my recent trip home, I asked my father about our family tree, our heritage, our lineage. He chuckled in amusement at this request but then seriously focused on the task at hand. Suddenly, he would recall various tidbits of information. It was as if 54 years after the war was finally enough time to look back and share. These morsels of history made my hungry mind feel sated for the first time.

Please check out our series of SPP events that are occurring each week throughout the run of the exhibit. Click here for a full listing of events.

Four More Days :: STILL PRESENT PASTS

I have returned from 11 days of conference travel with a 2-day stopover in Connecticut to visit my family. The trip was bookended by a conference on child development in Boston and on a conference on Asian American Studies in NYC. I returned home on Easter and have been catching up since. Here is what I must say about my trip -- I am getting old. I used to really look forward to traveling because I never really had the opportunity growing up (beyond the roadtrip to Cape Cod or Niagara Falls). Now, after 10-15,000 airline miles a year, I just don't like living out of a suitcase as much. The allure of a new destination has worn off and, even though I always enjoy eating at restaurants and absorbing the sites, I always always appreciate my own bed back home. Okay, enough privileged complaining.

In 4 (count them, 1, 2, 3, 4) days, the Still Present Pasts exhibit opens up at Intermedia Arts at 2822 Lyndale Ave South in Minneapolis. The reception begins at 7 pm and the opening ceremony which features mega-superstar poets Walter K. Lew, Ed Bok Lee, and Sun Yung Shin begins at 8 pm.

More to come....