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How-To: Dress Like A [...] Man

The business world is a serious place with an even more serious dress code. Behind the cut you'll find the Top 10 Helpful Hints to Aid Your Climb Up the Corporate Ladder.

-Dr. Power Tie

10. Pay attention to hygiene and grooming-- these should be your first steps to getting dressed for success! No one wants to be distracted or disgusted by the scent of your armpits or sight of yellow scum on your teeth. You have the money to take proper care of yourself, so use it.

9. Your tie is almost without fail the most important piece of your outfit. A tie should cost at least $100, because this is a direct measure of the power it will instill in your subject-position (for the first $100 of tie cost you earn +5 power points, accumulating an extra +2 for every $50 after that, until you reach $1000, at which point you earn double points for each $100).

8. When picking a shirt/tie/jacket/pocket square combination, allow one piece to be your accent. For example if your tie features a bold paisley pattern, you might want to choose simple solid colors for both your shirt and jacket, while foregoing a pocket square in order to avoid a cluttered appearance. Clutter is suggestive of disorganization, and that is definitely not a message you want to be sending.

7. There are many ways to tie your tie, but the most powerful is obvious: the wide, menacing Full Windsor. This knot demands control and is sure to give you that extra boost in any negotiation.

6. Be sure that your shoes always match your belt. If this doesn't make sense, ask your grandfather.

5. Don't wear jewelry. Period. Not even studs in your earlobes, not even a Livestrong band on your wrist. None of that matches your suit anyway.

4. Keep your hair short and neat, above the ears. Shaggy and/or long hair is for girls, college students, poor people, queer people, and people of color.

3. Clothes with wrinkles, tears, or colors that are too loud proclaim that you either don't care about proper business dress or you don't know what proper business attire is at all. Always have your clothes ironed the night before so as to avoid an embarrassing and unprofessional appearance.

2. If you have to wonder or ask someone else if an outfit is acceptable for the office, it probably isn't.

1. Understatement is undoubtedly the hallmark of the well-dressed. Generally after a business meeting your associates should not be able to remember what you were wearing-- they should only remember that you were well-dressed.

Always well-dressed,
Dr. Power Tie