The saddest story I have ever read I think is Hans Anderson's Snow Queen, about the boy who gets the piece of ice in his heart and stops -- getting it. I think ethics teaching divides into attempts to keep the ice out of the heart, attempts to remove the ice from the heart, and attempts to help people with ice in their hearts pass in humane society.
I was reminded of this reading todays column by Carolyn Hax, the finest ethical writer I know.
Dear Carolyn:
I had a very close friend for a long time -- for years, he was probably my best friend, and he helped me through a lot of hard things. Over the summer, it became clear he didn't want to be just friends anymore. I dodged the inevitable conversation since I was headed somewhere else at the end of the summer. I stopped returning his calls and e-mails, and I've since met someone else and I'm very happy with him.
I didn't return my friend's calls for a few months, and I thought he'd get the hint. But he sent me an e-mail a couple of months ago explaining the whole situation, that he was in love with me, that he knew I was seeing someone else (I didn't tell him, but I guess he figured it out), and that he was sorry and would try to move on. I haven't spoken to him since, although he's contacted me a few times. Do I owe him anything? It's been a long time, and I'm inclined to just let it go.
Washington
Let's see if I've got this straight. He was your best friend, you used him for support, he fell in love with you, you didn't need him anymore so you responded by treating him like a foul contagion, and now you haven't so much as taken the guy's calls in several months. Yes?
You owe him one of the fattest apologies ever formed, and you owe yourself an expedition deep into your being to search for signs of humanity, compassion or a soul. I could just cry.
So you didn't love him back. Would it have killed you to say so?
Read her work in the Washington Post Style section.
Posted by shea0017 at May 9, 2004 11:02 PM