Duke goes down

"Duke" Cunningham, a California Republican, resigned yesterday after pleading "guilty" to accepting bribes from defense contractors in exchange for his help obtaining lucrative Pentagon contracts. Corrupt Republicans? Nothing new here. But what's astonishing to me is the sheer magnitude of the graft he confessed to receiving, at least $2.4 million in all.

"It is a truly breathtaking scope of bribes," said Phillip Halpern, an assistant U.S. attorney who worked on the case. In a plea agreement, the California Republican said he accepted cash, expensive antique furniture, rugs, yacht club fees and a Rolls-Royce.

Speaking to reporters, Cunningham, a former Vietnam War fighter pilot, broke down as he confessed about abusing the trust of his colleagues, friends and family. "The truth is I broke the law, concealed my conduct and disgraced my office," he said in televised remarks, his voice shaking. "In my life I have had great joy and great sorrow. And now I know great shame."

Now, if it were me up there, and I had just plead guilty to receiving massive amounts of graft, I wouldn't be resigning. It would be a classic scene. I would stride across the stage to the microphone, looking serious and somber. I would tap the microphone, cough lightly, and nearly begin speaking. But then-- SIC!-- I would pull a gigantic ghetto-blaster from underneath the podium and intone in my deepest voice, "America, I'm too legit to quit." Pressing play on my tape deck, the soulful sounds of MC Hammer's "2 Legit 2 Quit" would blare from every speaker in the land. I would then rip off my button-up stripper pants, revealing the perfectly preserved pair of parachute pants-- Made in Taiwan, circa 1991-- and proceed to breakdance my troubles away. After my performance, the press corps would sit in stunned silence, reflecting on what they've just witnessed. One by one, they would begin to stand up and give a slow clap-- the heroic kind, not the sarcastic kind. Six months later, I would be unanimously elected president by every American citizen, with 100% turnout.

Anyway...

The charges carry a maximum 10-year sentence...

Reminds me of one of my favorite "tough-on-crime" Republican sayings-- If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.

Here's a list of the Duke's plunder. It's kind of amusing to read.

Posted by smit2174 at November 29, 2005 9:40 PM | TrackBack