Quickly:
*The Daily has a short, not very informative article about last night's DFL debate. They did, however, get the money quote from Kelly Doran:
"My generation is doing a pretty good job of trying to screw your generation," Doran said. "And that's wrong."
They also have a poorly-edited video that highlights a few things from the debate, though most clips are taken out of context. One of the editors must have a grudge against Steve Kelley, because the ending clip shows him getting cut off by the moderator, when, in reality, it was Sen. Lourey that regularly went over her allotted time.
*Does anyone else find this funny?
First-year student [name deleted, but trust me, it's in the article] discovered an option to clear her record when she was ticketed with minor consumption in the third week of September. Along with the citation was information about the restorative justice program, a chance to erase the incident from her record.Having a criminal record could affect future employment, depending on the severity of the crime. But most employers interviewed said they aren't as concerned about misdemeanor crimes as they are about felonies.
Nonetheless, [name deleted] decided to go through the restorative justice program in November to erase the charge from her record and to save money by not paying the fine. Instead, she did eight hours of community service.
This way future employers will see an unblemished record.
Doesn't this person know that this article will be on the internet for all time? Now, the employer doesn't even have to do a background check; googling this person's name will turn up this misdemeanor she thought she was getting rid of. I'm sure it's not that big of a deal for future employment, but by allowing herself to be quoted, she basically negated whatever benefit she got from the "restorative justice program."
When did Chuck Norris ascent to his current title as the king of ironic hipness begin? I'm not a devout student of this history, but I'd guess it started with his cameo in Dodgeball-- who can forget the classic, inspirational thumbs-up and Stiller's immortal line, "F***in' Chuck Norris"? Now, it seems, Mr. Norris is more popular than ever, mostly due to the Chuck Norris facts site. I'm sure you've seen it by now, as it's been the most quoted thing on the internet for quite some time. The quotes have grown stale through overuse, but you have to admit it was funny for a time. (One of my favorites: "Chuck Norris uses all seven letters in Scrabble... Every turn.") The "Walker lever" on Conan O'Brien's (mostly unfunny) show (you suck, Conan!) probably also helped raise his image in the public consciousness. This article in the Washington Post does a good job of summing up more reasons for Norris' popularity.
Now, I enjoy myself a good episode of Walker (and especially the theme song) as much as the next guy, but I don't know if I can hold Chuck Norris up as a sterling hero any longer. I read today that Mr. Norris celebrated Valentine's Day at the White House with George and Laura (for the record, so did Joe Lieberman, D?-CT), and it piqued my interest. I did some googling, and it turns out that Chuck and George are pretty tight:
Here is a picture of the good ol' boys in the good ol' days (before Enron, 9/11, Iraq, Social Security, Katrina, Plamegate, and Shotgun Dick), taken in 1997. Further research reveals that Mr. Norris has maxed out in his contributions to Bush a few times, and has given at least $32,225 in political donations since 1989-- all to Republicans. He must be close with the family; Chuck accompanied H.W. on his infamous sky-diving trip, and in this official WH press release from a 2004 campaign rally, G-Dubs gives a shout-out to "my friend Chuck Norris." I guess I don't begrudge Mr. Norris his right to have an opinion, and to exercise his quasi-constitutional right to corrupt the political process with vast sums of money, but it somehow hurts deep inside that a man who had seemed so good, so pure, and so invincible, could be so wrong on everything that is so important.
Remember that Walker episode where a high-school teacher is thrown off of a roof by a shop teacher/drug lord because he uncovers the guy's drug ring, and Walker steps in as principal to uncover the devastating truth (and deliver some devastating roundhouse kicks?) To encourage the kids to break their addiction to drugs and to identify the perpetrator of this horrific crime, Chuck brings in a few extremely muscular friends, the Power Team, members of an body-building/inspirational speaking squad, who perform amazing feats of strength involving fists, foreheads and piles of bricks. There is an inspirational moment where a man snaps a pair of handcuffs in two, and the crowd erupts in cheers. Chuck Norris, this could be you. Stand up and break the manacles of oppression, and you will be revered as much more than a washed-up martial arts star: you, too, can be a True American Hero.
Num-Chucks:
*An all-time classic video: two legends collide as Norris meets Danza on Danza's show. Danza reads Norris some quotes from the "facts" website.
*Chuck speaks out about the "facts":
“I’m aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as “Chuck Norris facts.� I’ve seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I’m not quite sure what to make of it. It’s quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, “Against All Odds?� They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, “The Justice Riders,� released this month. I’m very proud of these literary efforts.�
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I am working right now to fix the f-ed up layout of this site. But here's the good news: we've started a comics website, tentatively titled "shiftyeyes comics." Please visit. We promise to post funny stuff that will brighten your day. (Brett's comic from today is hilarious.)
Minneapolis is apparently the nation's second-most-literate city. St. Paul clocks in tied for 9th. Overall, not too shabby... but we've still got a long way to go. See the study here.
P.S. If Minneapolis wants to stay at the top of the heap in literacy next year, it's gonna have to work on those library hours-- and that means more funding.
Check these kickin' new Hamiltons, yo.
Hooray for the red, yellow and orange! Those are the colors featured on the newly redesigned $10 bill, the third currency denomination to add splashes of color to the traditional green of U.S. currency.Some 800 million of the new bills will be put into circulation starting early next year in the government's latest effort to stay ahead of tech-savvy counterfeiters.
''The craftsmanship that goes into our currency is unmatched anywhere in the world. So is our commitment to safeguarding that currency,'' said Treasury Secretary John Snow, who participated in an unveiling ceremony on Ellis Island in the New York harbor.
Looks like those of us wit' da cash will be gettin' flashy wid it come 2006, son!
I have received the same photoshopped picture in two seperate emails in the past week. I'd just like to point out how idiotic it is. (No offense to those who sent the picture, but I have to disagree that Iraq is "safe.")
Here is the pic:
Well, it's not even that funny to begin with. It's even less funny when you look at recent news from Iraq.
From Newsweek:
In Madaen and villages nearby, corpses bobbed to the surface of the Tigris River until police counted 60. Hashimi and his friends photographed 55 of the bodies and delivered the pictures and lists to Baghdad. Shiite politicians accused the insurgents of ethnic cleansing, and demanded that the caretaker government act. Insurgents in another town near Baghdad, Haditha, responded by kidnapping 19 Shiite fishermen and National Guardsmen, lining them up against a wall in a sports stadium and shooting them dead. Then, during Friday prayers, a suicide car bomber in east Baghdad hit the Shia Al Subeih mosque, killing nine and wounding 20.
From the New York Times:
BAGHDAD, Iraq, April 24 - Twin car bombs killed six Iraqi police officers and injured at least 30 at a police academy in Tikrit today. In Baghdad, 15 people were killed and at least 57 were hurt in two bomb blasts near a Shiite mosque, as insurgents continued their campaign of violence against Iraqis.[...]
The military also reported two deaths at the hands of insurgents: On Saturday, a sailor assigned to the Second Marine Division was killed by a homemade bomb while conducting operations in Falluja. The Marines released no other details. In eastern Baghdad, a soldier from Task Force Baghdad died just after dawn today when his patrol was hit by an improvised explosive device.
You can track the grim news from Iraq here. Or, if you know how to use RSS feeds (I sure as hell don't) you can get a constant stream of Iraq news here. But you might not want to. It's kinda depressing.
Maybe you guys should email this photo instead.
The caption: "Insurgents in Haditha executed 19 Shiite fishermen and National Guardsmen in a sports stadium."
