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March 24, 2004

Kids and poop

I hope you don't mind if I take a break from stadiums every once and a while and write about other things. For example, my kids and family in general provide me with ample blog material on a regular basis. This blog can provide me with a sort of therapy for what my family puts me through, as a matter of fact. So, kids and poop. For those of you that are parents, are you as sick of poop as I am? I am so sick of poop I can't even think straight. You think it ends when they get out of diapers, but you would be wrong. Let me put this all into context.

Last night I was looking forward to watching the T-Wolves and Gophers hockey. I was in the middle of brainwashing my oldest son, Alex, ("You don't want to watch Nickelodeon ... you want to watch basketball with me ... you like basketball") when my youngest son, Anders, runs by with a pained expression on his face. Now this isn't an odd occurence in itself. Again, for those of you that have kids you know that kids run everywhere. From the moment their feet hit the ground upon waking up and getting out of bed they are sprinting wherever they go. I am always amazed by this. Anyway, Anders runs by and I kind of shrug and carry on with Alex. Mistake number one. I should have helped him immediately. About 10 mintues later Anders comes back with a sheepish look on his face. Uh oh, I thought, what has happened? Well, Anders literally had a poop explosion fly out of his butt with which he has made a trail of poop all through the house. Ahh! What the? ... how could? ... why did? ... I'm speechless. Not only that, he has also taken his pants off and kind of shook them to spread little poop chunks everywhere in his room. I swear I will be finding them years from now. I would be lying if I said I didn't get angry with Anders, and that is mistake number two. No matter what you think your kids should do or what you think are able to do, accidents happen. So, after calming myself down I apologized to Anders, gave him a bath, and put him to bed. Of course, when I get back to the TV my oldest son is watching Nickelodeon. Being a parent is truly the hardest job I have ever had!

I have an idea for a Hallmark card for people who are about to become parents. On the front it will have a smiling baby and it will say, "Get Ready!" And then on the inside it will say "For Poop." Thankfully I can laugh about it even now, but I really can't wait for all this poop business to end. And now, in closing, a little advice for all of you soon-to-be parents: get a wet/dry vacuum of some sort like a Bissel or a steam cleaner because you are going to need it. My Bissel is one of the best purchases I ever made. I just spent a half an hour cleaning poop off my carpet, and I know it won't be the last time.

Posted by snackeru at March 24, 2004 10:25 PM | Family


Is this the great unmentionable topic that everyone is loathe to comment on? I'm reading this months later. I have just one question: has one of your children yet presented you with your first in-your-face experience? It gives new meaning to the phrase.

Posted by: oldstuffer at July 30, 2004 1:28 PM

I don't know how far back you read comments, but I just read this and laughed for a full minute. I have my own child-poop experience. (Should someone start a blog just on this topic?) I have twin girls, now 4. When they were still in diapers, but old enough to be left alone for 10 minutes, I went upstairs to have a rare "leisurely" (approx 8 min) shower. When I came dowstairs I was horrified to see that they had taken each others' diapers off. Poop was smeared everywhere--on the hardwood floors, on the walls, on the curtains, and on each laughing baby. They love hearing me re-tell that story now; I can't wait to see if they feel the same way when they're 15!

Posted by: Yvette at October 26, 2004 4:01 PM

I loved the blog - I had the same experience this morning with my nine month old....left him for five minutes in the living room while I threw on some makeup for work. Came back and the carpet, tv, coutch, chair, walls, toys and him were covered in poop.

Posted by: Valery at July 13, 2005 11:33 AM

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