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December 8, 2004

It's a conspiracy!

• What did I do with all my money before I had a house? A car? Kids? I must have been rich! Sadly I've got nothing to show for it. And now that I am poor and Christmas is coming around the corner, things are just breaking all over the place. So I decided to write about it. What good is having a blog if you can't vent every once in a while?

The first item I'd like to vent about is my mini-van's driver side window. You see, it will go down, but it won't go back up. Of course, I found this out just as I was about to go into a car wash. I clicked the window down, put in my wash code, hit the red button to start moving me forward, and the window wouldn't go up. Let me tell you nothing gets a person moving faster than a free moving van going into a car wash with the window down. Luckily there was no one behind me because I had to back the van out of the car wash mechanism. I then had to manually lift the window back into place, which took about 5 minutes because it will only go up about 1 centimeter per lift. By then my car wash was over. Very frustrating.

Now, I don't know about you, but I am of the opinion that the ability to roll down your window comes in mighty handy. So, I took the van in to get the window repaired and they told me it would cost at least $250. $250!!!! I asked them if the new window was tinted with gold plating, but I don't think they heard me. Then I had a stroke of genius. I asked them if they could take the window motor out of the passenger side and put it into the driver's side. No luck. Apparently car manufacturers, in their infinite wisdom, make right and left window motors. I have come to the conclusion that this is beyond stupid and borders on a conspiracy to suck as much money out of me as possible.

The second item I would like to vent about is my van's rear window washer fluid dispenser. It has also recently stopped working properly. It seems that there is some sort of short in the wiring mechanism because every time it rains now the mechanism just starts whiring away and dispensing washer fluid. Now I can't put any washer fluid in the van because every time it rains the thing dispenses every drop and then keeps on whiring. And it "whirs" very, very loudly. I swear it sounds like the van is about to explode, "Whirrrrrrrrr! .... Whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!! ... Whir! ... Whir! ... Whirrrrrrrrr!!!!" We have to crank the radio so we don't hear it anymore. Someone drove by recently and upon hearing my van thought it would be wise to warn me that it was about to explode. So, he gave me the "roll down your window" sign. Sigh. I wish I could. I wish I could.

And the third thing I'd like to vent about is my broken TV. I've talked about this before, but I have yet to resolve this issue. I ended up taking my broken TV to a repair shop hoping that they could repair it and I could move on. According to them, my TV broke in such a spectacular fashion that everything basically blew out in a very methodical, cascading manner. They reveled in telling me this for some reason. It seems I missed some sort of 4th of July show inside my TV. Unfortunately, to repair this already piece of junk 27" TV it will cost me upwards of $350. Of course, that is not an option for me around Christmas time. So, I have been forced to return to the Stone Age and watch TV on my 12 year old 19" TV. I swear I need binoculars to see what is going on. And it is so old that it doesn't have any AV hookups for my DVD player. Hockey is nearly impossible to watch. The puck looks like a really fast moving ant. I don't know when I'll be able to rectify this situation, but it will be a while.

So, there you have it. Sorry to be such a whiner, but sometimes you've just got to let it all out.

• So, now I will read a whole lot more. Right now, I am reading American Gods and I am enjoying it immensly. I don't want to write about it too much right now, but there is a general feel of "Americana" that just seeps out of the book. Right now the main character is in north central Wisconsin and an old man is telling him about how poor his family was as a child and how cold it was in the winters:

"We were so poor that we couldn't afford a fire. Come New Year's Eve my father would suck on a peppermint, and us kids, we'd stand around with our hands outstretched, basking in the glow."

I don't know why, but I really liked that excerpt. It put a smile on my face.

Posted by snackeru at December 8, 2004 7:25 PM | Life


Shane-O, what happened to the 32" TV? I was waiting for the call to haul it down to your basement.

Posted by: Cheesehead Craig at December 8, 2004 11:54 PM

Can't afford it. And Costco didn't have anymore anyway. So, I will just wait. It could be worse.

Posted by: Shane at December 9, 2004 1:18 PM

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