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May 17, 2005

Happy Syttende Mai!

Happy Syttende Mai everyone! If you didn't know, today is the Norwegian Independence Day, the day that Norwegians removed the shackles of oppression and told Sweden to stick it where the sun don't shine. norway.gifOfficially, this day remembers the signing of the Norwegian constitution in 1814, but most Norwegians understand the true significance of this day as a day of spite towards Swedes and the Irish. Norwegian animosity towards Swedes is justified given the years of brutal Swedish rule in our beautiful country, but we throw the Irish into our celebrations just for good measure given Norway's dominance over Ireland in medieval times. Most of the pictures of this celebration feature children in parades and eating ice cream, but private celebrations usually include Irish and Swedish flag burnings, hanging Eamon DeValera in effigy, and, even though Norway is a Lutheran country, Norwegians also pray that Gustavus Adolphus either be sent to or remain in purgatory for all eternity. Take that you Swedish jerks!

Nighttime celebrations usually feature pogrom style hunts tracking down anyone with the surname "Hanson" (given that most Hansons are both Swedish and Irish). Any Hansons that are found in Norway during this time certainly rue the day they ever set foot in our beautiful country. Tortures include forcing the captive to eat pounds of lutefisk, telling the captive Ole and Lena jokes until they cry, and forcing them to memorize a catalog from their precious IKEA stores before they are set free. That'll teach 'em!

So, if you haven't already, take a moment to celebrate the wonderful holiday of Syttende Mai. And if you are a Swedish-Irish person with the surname Hanson, there is no hope for you. You better just start running now. Nighttime is coming.

Posted by snackeru at May 17, 2005 1:15 PM | Life

Comments

Oh man! If this isn't blatant 'baiting' I don't know what is!

Just remember that we German-Russians own all your a**es!

Posted by: Brian Maas at May 17, 2005 1:59 PM

All hail the power of the Krauts!

Posted by: Cheesehead Craig at May 17, 2005 2:13 PM

Ja, vi elsker dette landet. The people on the other hand . . . .

Posted by: ss at May 17, 2005 2:15 PM

A person would think that with as tough as the passage of the stadium bill would be, that one would not seek to upset a fanatical supporter of said bill with mindless, inflammatory drivel!

Norway did not tell Sweden "to stick it where the sun don't shine"; instead we Swedes (Syttende Mai is the one day when I embrace my Swedish heritage) simply said: "Let the little Norskis have their own country. We ruled them with an iron fist for so long that it has actually gotten quite boring." For this reason, we let you have your own country. I find it so very interesting that the Winter Olympics came to Norway only after they were in Sweden, that Norway's greatest band, aHa, pales in comparasion to the forces of nature that are ABBA and Roxette. The fact that you, a Norwegian-American, seek to define your culture and ethnicity in only anti-Swedish terms only proves my point. Norway is nothing without Sweden, and can not stand on its own. We have Dag Hammarskj÷ld and Gustavus Adolphus, while you have...(well, no one comes to mind).

And the Irish, frankly, have been so very busy throwing off the chains of British oppression that "Syttende Mai" is not even noticed. In addition, the Irish are so busy celebrating their own storied history (St. Patrick, the Battle of Clontarf, Guinness, 1798, Wolfe Tone, Black 47, 1916, 1922, Michael Collins, Irish Constitution Day, W.B. Yeats, James Joyce, Seamus Heaney, Thin Lizzy, U2, "How the Irish Saved Civilization," etc.) that we do not have time to notice Norway's sole event worth noting. Even the "supposed" discovery of American by Leif Erikson (technically a Greenlander of Norwegian descent) in 1000AD pales in comparasion with the true discovery of America by Saint Brendan the Voyager in the 6th Century.

In spite of your cultural, ethnic, musical, and historical shortcomings, I am still proud to call you "friend," although this false "hate speech" (as also witnessed on St. Patrick's day) must stop. Otherwise I will be forced to call in Code Name Viper to deliver an "Irish surprise" to Nackerud Farm. You might also remember that I still have your U2 ticket, and I am not afraid to sell it to an Irish-American who would appreciate it!

Curt (Hanson) in Grand Forks

Posted by: Curt Hanson at May 17, 2005 2:39 PM

Shane, did you really look into the history of this holiday? It happened as the crown prince of Sweden, Jean Baptiste Jule Bernadotte, simply gave away Norway to help him in the Napoleonic War. So Norway was kinda tossed aside, so they had to become independent, not really a romanitc story of struggle and victory if you think about it.

Posted by: Cheesehead Craig at May 17, 2005 3:45 PM

Curt!! My apologies! When I was speaking about the Hanson pogroms tonight I didn't even recall that you were a Hanson yourself of Swedish-Irish descent! Please be rest assured that I will speak to my Norwegian brethren and try to absolve you from any torture tonight. I can't guarantee anything, of course, but if you hang a package of lefse outside your door tonight we will consider sparing you and your family.

Isn't Bono half Norwegian?

Posted by: Shane at May 17, 2005 4:19 PM

Hanging lefse outside my door tonight would probably cause a stampede! I don't know what it is about this thoroughly average tasting entree, but the Norwegian-Americans up here in Southern Canada go crazy for the stuff! And please do not forget that I am of "Irish-Swedish" descent, not the other way around!!

Curt in Grand Forks

Posted by: Curt Hanson at May 17, 2005 4:52 PM

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