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June 21, 2005

Off the cuff

• Just had my Chipotle burrito. As you might expect it was delicious. Now on Friday, I'll get one for free. To some, two Chipotle burritos in one week might seem excessive or even impossible to stomach. If you are that type of person I'm sorry to tell you that you are a pansy.

• Now for a little Father's Day weekend news. On Saturday I marched in the Parktacular parade with my two boys in our Cub Scout pack. That is more fun than you might expect. Then on Saturday night Cheesehead Craig and I went to Batman Begins at the MOA. That is a good movie. Exactly what I would expect out of a Batman film, and it looks like the old Batman movies didn't even happen in this Batman universe. Should be good. The rest of the weekend I spent swimming at the beach and teaching my son how to ride his bike. It was the perfect weekend.

• And speaking of super-hero movies, Batman Begins put me in the mood for more of the same, so I watched Hellboy last night. Ugh. That was stupid. Luckily I rented it and didn't spend full price to see it on the big screen. It was bad, to be sure, but it wasn't the worst movie I have ever seen. And if you are wondering, here is my list of the worst movies I have ever seen.

  1. Tomb Raider -- the worst, most boring, most anti-climactic movie I have ever seen. Bar none.
  2. Igby Goes Down -- Made me want to blind myself with an ice pick. What a piece of crap.
  3. League of Extraordinary Gentlemen -- Holy cow, it would take me forever to list all the flaws of this epicly bad movie.
  4. Leaving Las Vegas -- A real pick-me-up type of movie. I still haven't recovered.
  5. Son of Sam -- Spike Lee should never be allowed to make another movie again.

There you have it.

• And speaking of movies, I was talking with a friend about Revenge of the Sith a couple of days ago and we got to talking about the scene where Darth Vader is re-awakened as the villain we all know and love. If you'll recall, Vader is strapped to the table and it is slowly being lifted into an upright position. Emperor Palpatine is behind him looking menacingly over his creation and you can just see the evil glee on his face. Then, when the moment is just right Palpatine speaks his first words to his new and improved apprentice:

"Lord Vader, can you hear me?"

What the ?!??!? That is the best he could do? "Can you hear me?" I half expected him to say, "Lord Vader, can you hear me? This suit is a new design and might have a couple of bugs. Why don't you just give me the old thumbs-down sign if you see my lips moving but you can't hear a word I'm saying." Man! When you think about it, that line is weak. It should have been something like:

"Rise Lord Vader, and join me in ruling our new empire of fear and despair!"

Or something to that effect. I tell you what, give me $100 million and a few cameras and I'll give you a blockbuster you wouldn't soon forget!

• That's about all for now. And if you are going to Twins blogger night, have a good time! I will be going to my son's soccer game instead. Some things just take precedence over the Twins.

Posted by snackeru at June 21, 2005 12:42 PM | Life | Lists


Was the line bad when you went to Chipotle? I was halfway across Oak street when I got in line. I had to keep telling myself "I'm not waiting for one burrito, I'm waiting for two," just to justify staying in line. I would guess that most of the people there heard about the deal from your blog.

Posted by: Tim M at June 21, 2005 12:53 PM

Tim, nope, the line wasn't bad at all. But I ate at the Chipotle on the West Bank. And yes, I expect my blog inspired a few hundred people to follow in my footsteps. I'm sorry you had to see how powerful my words are first hand. I will try to be more discrete next time.

Posted by: Shane at June 21, 2005 12:56 PM

The line should have been, "Lord Vader, are you READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL? SKOL!"

Posted by: Brian Maas at June 21, 2005 1:51 PM

Something tells me, if you give Shane $100M and a couple of cameras, he'll move to a different country, film his great escape and turn in some horrible piece of crap that you will unfortunately never forget.

Posted by: Cheesehead Craig at June 21, 2005 2:57 PM

I believe the movie was called "Summer of Sam." And I liked it. It really showed the hysteria of the city during that time (Reggie Jackson was suspected by some in the movie!) and how vigilante justice can go awry.

As for Leaving Las Vegas, I desperately wanted Nic Cage to die so that the damned movie would be over. A stinker of the highest order.

Posted by: SBG at June 21, 2005 2:59 PM

CC: The place will Ireland. The lead characters will be Shane (as played by Keanu Reeves) and Curt (as played by Pauly Shore). The Shane Posse will be there as creative talent and official Guinness taste testers.

We could use a gaffer to serve the Shane Posse.

Posted by: Brian Maas at June 21, 2005 3:07 PM

That is how crappy that "Summer of Sam" movie was. I can't even remember what it was really called.

And I like your idea, Brian. Ireland it is where we will film my epic re-enactment of the Battle of Clontarf. It will be called:

"Ten Beers and Three Rocks"

I better start clearing a spot on my mantle for the Oscar!

Posted by: Shane at June 21, 2005 4:23 PM

A movie set in Ireland where there are only 10 beers? Talk about fiction!

Posted by: Cheesehead Craig at June 21, 2005 4:32 PM

"Quiet on the set!"

"Annnnnnndddd, action!"

This could be a cheap trip since I'd just be eating fish 'n' chips and drinking beer the whole time. So, we'd have huge budget for special effects. Which yard should we start building the full-sized replica ships in?

Posted by: Brian Maas at June 21, 2005 5:21 PM

I even agree on Tomb Raider. Total suckfest. But, Summer of Sam? No can agree.

I think, Shane, that you aren't old enough to appreciate the hysteria surrounding Son of Sam. It was a big deal. I liked that the movie wasn't really about the SOS so much as it was about 1970s New Yorkers. But to each their own.

Posted by: Sbg at June 21, 2005 11:14 PM

I've only seen your "Top" 3, and I heartily agree on those. I cannot comment on the other 2, but to say Spike Lee has been way too cocky since "Do the Right Thing." Everything else has been eh...

Be that as it may, I've seen worse. However, I am a bad movie fan so I have sought out some of the worst of the worst. I have seen "Battlefield Earth." Worst big budget movie EVER!!! They could have made it 25% more watchable by removing a blue filter that made it difficult to watch as it was...

I'll put a couple out there that y'all probably have never seen like "Headless Eyes" and "Viking Masacre." No it isn't about the Minnesota vs Green bay football games. Hint. The only Viking in it is in the beginning and sails away immediately. Thus, no actual Viking Massacre is shot in the film. Just the "dramatic" aftermath. Snoozefest!

Posted by: DouglasG at June 22, 2005 8:42 AM

Well, of what I can recall in my old age these films would rank as El Stinko's for me:

1) Tarzan, the Ape Man: Where if Bo Derek was near ANY water she fell in and then had to take off her wet clothes. My buds and I were 20-years young when we saw it....we went for the T&A but the film was SO bad it ruined it for us.
2) Smokey and the Bandit Part 3: My date and I went because it was the ONLY thing to see in Jamestown, North Dakota. Another bad association with NoDak!
3) Jaws: The Revenge: Everything that Spielberg touched did NOT turn to gold

Posted by: Brian Maas at June 22, 2005 8:54 AM

Here is a list of five of the worst movies I've ever seen. There may be others, but these are real stinkers in my book.

1. Hope Floats -- Absolutely without merit. Convinced me that Sandra Bullock isn't merely awful, she's the worst.
2. Cobra -- Stallone's post First Blood movie making is the disease and not watching is the cure.
3. Father of the Bride II -- In which Steve Martin experiences how it feels to take money for nothing
4. Blair Witch Project -- I was rooting for that woman to die a horrible death
5. Ishtar -- WTF?

Posted by: SBG at June 22, 2005 10:49 AM

My list of horrid movies includes:

1. Natural Born Killers. The only movie I have ever just stopped watching don't know or care how the last hour goes.
2. Jade. The start of my hatred for David Caruso
3. Battlefield Earth. To take a line from Mr. Cranky "Proof that Jesus died in vain"
4. Iron Eagle II. My brain actually started oozing out of my ears watching this.

Posted by: Cheesehead Craig at June 22, 2005 11:37 AM

To each their own indeed. I thought Summer of Sam, Igby Goes Down and Leaving Las Vegas were decent movies. In any case, I tend to consider worst movies ever to be more in the class of a Dumb and Dumberer or That Kangaroo Movie or The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course.

And all the Spike Lee ripping is tough. I agree, he has been hit or miss over his career, but Do the Right Thing, Malcolm X, He Got Game, Bamboozled, and 25th Hour were all great movies. Admittedly flawed, but very good. I'd have to say my favorite is 25th Hour followed by Bamboozled.

Posted by: bjhess at June 23, 2005 12:50 PM

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