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December 31, 2007

The First Annual CHNMOTY

Buddy: Hey, Ming Ming. Umm ... I'm gonna be a little bit short on today's quota.

Ming Ming: It's all right, Buddy. Just how many Etch-a-Sketches did you get finished? Come on, Buddy. How many?

Buddy: I made, uh... 85.

Ming Ming: Eighty-five? That puts you... 915 off the pace.

Female elf: Ooh... that's bad.

Buddy: Why don't you just say it? I'm the worst toy maker in the world.

I'm a Cotton Headed Ninny Muggins.

Sorry for the silence everyone! The Greet Machine KMOTW award committee (me and Cheesehead Craig) has been in deep deliberations over over the status of the KMOTW award and its appropriateness in being an end of the year award. It has been decided that a Knucklehead McSpazatron of the Week is a fine award for someone who screws up during the week, but what about someone that screws up for an entire year? Or someone that screws up so bad that it permeates their very existence and creates an aura of sucktitude around them that lasts an entire year? What then?

For these cases, it has been decided that at the end of the year the Greet Machine will award the illustrious:

Cotton Headed Ninny Muggins of the Year Award!

Let's take a look at the nominees. The obvious choices are Barry Bonds and Michael Vick, the cheater/liar and the idiot/liar. Good choices both of them, but who isn't picking these two yahoos? And truth be told, they didn't tick me off as much as the actual CHNMOTY so they don't get the honor.

Secondly we have Brad Childress. The Chiller showed a real lack of coaching ability towards the end, didn't he? Man, I thought he was actually redeeming himself and then Joe Gibbs and Mike Shanahan demonstrated how an actual NFL coach prepares and executes against an opponent. Sheesh! What were the four most important games the Vikings played this year? Green Bay, Green Bay, Washington, and Denver. Losses all of them. And except for the final quarter of the Denver game the Vikings got crushed. How do you not adequately prepare your team for your two rivalry games and the two games that dictated whether or not your team makes the playoffs? It blows my mind.

Next we have Bruce Lambrecht and Rich Pogin of Land Partners II. Here I was, all happy and content last January dreaming of open sky, green grass, and sunburns at the new Twins ballpark when I get a note from one of my contacts saying that the deal is in jeopardy of totally blowing up. What gives? Well, we find out that LPII wants upwards of $65 million for the land the new Twins ballpark will sit on. Blink. Blink. So, for making my heart skip a beat for 8 fricken months, the two main dudes of LPII get nominated for the CHNMOTY award. I'm glad they got a reasonable settlement in the end but I wasn't happy for most of 2007 and I blame them!

The next nominee is Kevin McHale for trading away one of the greatest NBA basketball players of all time and giving us a team that may not even win 10 games this year. If given a choice between Isiah Thomas and Kevin McHale to manage my basketball team I seriously would not know who to pick. On the one hand, Isiah would get my team some press coverage so he's got that going for him, but on the other hand Kevin McHale ... well he has no redeeming qualities as an NBA GM. I could manage an NBA team better than him and as Freealonzo will attest that is a scary proposition.

The sixth nominee is the entire city of Boston, including all of its inhabitants past and present. I hate being a farm club for all of your teams and I hate all of you. Have a happy New Year.

Pretty good nominations, heh? It is hard to believe that of all of these great nominations there is still someone that deserves the honor more. With that, the envelope please:

Click the envelope or the link below!

That's right! The Cotton Headed Ninny Muggins of the Year is Nick Coleman! (Woot! Great Fanfare! Cheering and Celebration!) I swear, this guy ticked me off more than anyone else this year. He was already unreadable when he had just the Twins ballpark to rail against, but when you put the combination of the Twins ballpark, the LPII fiasco, and the 35W bridge collapse together ... oh boy. I'm surprised Nick could write about anything else. He whined. He cried. He wrote the exact same stuff he's been writing against the ballpark for the last 10 years. Crying over spilled milk? He cried like he was a two year old being whipped with a cane in Singapore.

The sad thing is, in 2010 Nick Coleman will have a front row seat and probably write a great column about his wonderful experience watching outdoor baseball again. When that happens I may just explode with disgust.

Yes, Gollum earned it this year crying over his precious pennies.

Sadly, I have a feeling he will be in the running next year too.

Anyway, that is it for the First Annual Cotton Headed Ninny Muggins of the Year Award! If you think someone else deserved it, let me know!

Posted by snackeru at December 31, 2007 5:58 PM


I predict that this year's winner will be in the running for this award every single year until he retires!

Curt in Grand Forks

Posted by: Curt Hanson at January 1, 2008 10:05 AM

Shane, where is Oputz on your list? It is he who tried to blow up the ballpark deal with his lowball estimate of less than 1/2 the final deal. Even a moron would not fall into his web to give the putz a way out of his mess he created by responding. It's done, over and we now have an ballpark being built inspite of the putz's best effort to hide his inadequancies(sp). The Twins stepped up because they knew the situation and had to rescue him. LPII should be thanked.

Posted by: jimmy Jack at January 1, 2008 9:37 PM

I would have given the award to Childress, who is clueless about how to construct a good offense even though he was an offensive coordinator. I agree that Nick C is like some of your regular posters, wanting to turn back the clock and defeat the Twins stadium. But he is doing an outstanding job of not letting the 35W bridge collapse disappear from the public consciousness. Has anything changed since the bridge collapsed? Oh yeah, Pitt got fired. Big whoop. She had no responsibility for bridge maintenance. Where is the mea culpa from our governor, followed by the the formation of a BLue Ribbon bipartisan planning commission to figure out how to catch up on our deferred bridge maintenance? In the absence of even this miniscule admission that this bridge collapse was no fluke, I commend Nick for beating the damned drum. Ask not who was on the bridge when it collapsed, for the next time it might be you.

Posted by: Dave T at January 2, 2008 11:02 AM

I agree with Dave T and Gollum's I-35W bridge columns, they've been pretty good.

I love Jimmy Jack's revisionist history of the Twins ballpark land deal. Remember it was the eminent domain panel that came back with a value that was much closer to the County's version as opposed to LPII's wish for a land price that was THREE times higher than the court determined amount.

Posted by: Freealonzo at January 2, 2008 12:30 PM

I agree with the choice. I was temporarily blinded by Gollum's attempt at poetry in his most recent column. I have my lawyer working on a law-suit as we speak.

Posted by: Brian Maas at January 2, 2008 1:27 PM

Umm...what free said.

And Shane, according to my fraternity brothers, who are largely a bunch of gaming addicts, the correct terminology is w00t! :-)

Posted by: Snyder at January 2, 2008 3:23 PM

Wow, another feather in the hat of Greet Machine.

May 2006 New Twins Ballpark
Fall 2007 Vikings play "The Immigrant Song" at games
December 2007, Nick Coleman named Cotton Headed Ninny Muggins of the Year and less than a year later loses his column


Beware the power of Greet Machine

Posted by: Freealonzo at December 15, 2008 2:51 PM

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