Happy Polar Bear Day!
Most of you probably don't know this, but the 27th of February is Polar Bear Day! That's one of my favorite holidays. It commemorates the day, thousands of years ago, when Polar Bears declared their independence from Grizzlies! Who can forget those stirring words in the preamble to the Polar Bear Declaration of Independence:
"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."
Or, translated:
"We hold these truths to be self-evident: That all Bears are created equal, that all other animals are created as food for Bears, and that Bears are endowed with certain unalienable rights, chief among these being the right to life, liberty, pursuit of happiness, enough to eat, and the right to Bear arms."
Unfortunately, the US Army doesn't recognize Polar Bear Day, but I was able to take a few minutes to have my own private celebration. The nice folks at National Geographic sent me a calendar with a bunch of pictures of me, and I took some time to look at those and think of the memories they brought to mind…
This picture really made me miss my mom:
I remember Polar Bear Day when I was a cub. We'd go to the local park where all the bears were gathered to celebrate. We'd have fireworks, music, and – my favorite – deep-fried seal pups on a stick! In my town the highlight of the day was when a specially chosen bear would put on a long coat and top hat, and growl the words of the Gettysburg address (history has tended to understate the role of polar bears in that battle).
It was also the one day of the year that my siblings wouldn't beat me up.
As I've mentioned before, I was the littlest of triplets. The smallest Polar Bear in a litter of triplets rarely survives – I knew that if I was going to make it, I would have to run away from home. So I packed up all my things (which didn't take long, because Polar Bears rarely have any possessions), and left. I had to swim part of the way. Polar Bears are all excellent swimmers and we love the water (the colder, the better):
That's why our scientific name is Ursus Maritimus, which means "sea bear" or "water bear."
Fortunately for me, a nice woman named Kelly found me wandering along the side of the road and adopted me. Thanks to her, I was able to finish my schooling. After I graduated, I enlisted in the Army, as most polar bears do. Here is a picture of me in Basic Training, learning hand-to-hand combat:
I served for a little while on active duty, and I was stationed on Spitsbergen. I had some good buddies who were in my platoon. Here's a picture of us hanging out together:
After I left active duty, I moved to Minnesota. I got a part-time job as a security guard and tried to start a pest control business, offering to help people take care of nuisance seals. Unfortunately, nuisance seals are not much of a problem in Minnesota, but I've been able to branch out and have learned to deal with nuisance gophers, squirrels, deer, coyotes, and noisy neighbors. It was after I moved back to Minnesota that I met Milkshake through "PBDate," the world's leading Polar Bear singles network. Here's a picture of Milkshake and I while we were dating:
I miss my buddies. I especially miss Milkshake. But I also miss those days that I used to spend just being lazy, soaking up the sun, and enjoying being a Polar Bear:
*SIGH*
Suddenly, my squad members surprised me! They remembered that it was Polar Bear Day and they made a cake for me!
MAJ Simer wanted to take a picture of the cake, but he wasn't fast enough. *BURP*
For more about Polar Bears and our culture, you can check out the following websites:
-National Geographic Creature Feature
-SeaWorld Animal Information Database
This turned out to be a pretty good Polar Bear Day after all! I hope you had a good one, too. As Abearham Lincoln said in the Gettysburg Address, "Grrrrrr!"
HAPPY POLAR BEAR DAY!
Comments
Happy Polar Bear Day, Stone Cold. All the bears in Minnesota miss you so much. We can hardly bear it witout you. We had lots of snow this week. You would have loved romping in the snow with your cubs while Milkshake prepared hot chocolate. Tell Major Simer we miss him too!
Mom
Posted by: Gerri Simer | February 27, 2007 10:49 AM
Even though you think I'm a pest (quote from above "Nuisance gophers..."), I wanted to wish you a HAPPY POLAR BEAR DAY! -- GopherGirl
Posted by: GopherGirl | February 27, 2007 11:09 AM
Your blog is one of my favorites! Thanks for serving our country! God bless
Posted by: katieScarlett | February 28, 2007 07:13 PM
awwwwwwww!!!!!
Posted by: LinZ | March 12, 2007 07:17 PM