Q: How did you end up in Minnesota?
A: It’s kind of a long story. I was the littlest of triplets, and my older siblings kept beating me up. I knew I had to run away from home- preferably far away. I looked at a map and saw a place called “White Bear Lake, Minnesota,� and that sounded like a great place for a polar bear to live. So I started out in that direction, but I got very lost. Kelly found me wandering along the side of the road near College Station, Texas, and adopted me. As luck would have it, she ended up moving to Minnesota, which is a much better climate for me than Texas!

Q: How did you end up in Iraq?
A: I was a member of a reserve unit of the Bear Army assigned to POLARCOM (Polar Command). POLARCOM works very closely with the US Army, and so when the US Army needed a few additional soldiers to go to Iraq with the 1/34 BCT, the commander chose my squad to mobilize.

Q: What do you eat in Iraq?
A: Whatever I can get my paws on! Mostly, I eat what CPT Simer and other soldiers are able to sneak out of the dining facility. I am not allowed in the dining facility any more after the infamous “ice cream counter incident.�

Q: How old are you?
A: I’m not really sure because polar bears don’t have a very good concept of time. I think I’m about five years old.

Q: What religion are you?
A: I worship the Spirit of the Great White Bear.

Q: How did you meet Milkshake?
A: W met through PBDate.com, “The leading Polar Bear singles network.�

Q: What is your civilian job?
A: My civilian job is pest control. Originally I tried to find work controlling nuisance seals. Unfortunately, nuisance seals are not much of a problem in Minnesota so I have had to branch out. I now have expanded my services to include nuisance squirrels, gophers, raccoons, deer… just about anything, really. It’s a good job because I get paid in cash, plus I get to eat any nuisance animals that I catch. I also work part-time as a security guard – it’s easy to see why I’m good at that.

Q: What is your rank?
A: I got promoted to Staff Sergeant in January!

Q: How do you tolerate the heat in Iraq?
A: I don’t tolerate it very well! I drink lots of water so I do not dehydrate, and when I am not on a mission I stay in the air conditioning as much as possible.

Q: How many cubs do you have?
A: Milkshake had cubs just a few months ago. Polar bears usually have twins, so now I have two cubs: Snowflake and Blizzard.

Q: Do you need anything in Iraq? Can I send you a care package? (I can get a good deal on seal sandwiches!)
A: Unfortunately, I do not have a mailing address in Iraq, so I can’t receive care packages.

Q: Are you related to Smokey the Bear (or Yogi the Bear, Paddington the Bear, Winnie the Pooh, the Care Bears, the Berenstein Bears, the Three Bears)?
A: We are very distant cousins, like all bears, but I didn’t know any of them until we all went to Iraq together.

Q: Why did you join the Bear Army?
A: I joined the Bear Army because I wanted to defend the things I believe in: Freedom, Justice, and Enough to Eat.

Q: What is Polar Command?
A: Polar Command is one of several commands in the Bear Army. Some of the others include Yellowstone Command, Rocky Mountain Command, and Wolong Command (which is located in China)

Q: What do you do for Polar Command?
A: I am a squad leader in a reserve unit assigned to POLARCOM. Right now my squad is deployed to Iraq.

Q: Where is Polar Command located?
A: I’m sorry, that’s classified information. I could tell you, but then I would have to eat you.

Q: Are you named after the wrestler (Stone Cold Steve Austin)?
A: No, I was named for where I was born.

Q: How is POLARCOM organized? How long has it been around? What other wars have polar bears fought in?
A: This slide presentation discusses the organization and history of POLARCOM and of polar bears at war: POLARCOM Powerpoint Presentation

Q: To whom does Major General Glacier (the POLARCOM commander) report?
A: He reports directly to the Head Polar Bear. He also has regular meetings with the US Secretary of Defense and the Canadian, Norwegian, and Danish defense ministers.

Q: Does the Head Polar Bear ever talk to the Head Beagle (from “Peanuts�)?
A: Yes, they have occasional contact – but only informally. There was once an attempt to bring all the animal species in the world together – sort of like the humans’ United Nations – but it soon failed. Some of the delegates just could not refrain from eating some of the other delegates (the sharks were mostly to blame).

If you have more questions, send me an email (stonecoldpbATgmailDOTcom) and I will try my best to respond!