I thought today it would be good to post an update of what’s been going on at home! As you know, my wife, Milkshake, and our two cubs, live in Saint Paul. They live in an apartment with MAJ Simer’s wife, Kelly, and their cub, Amy.

From time to time, Milkshake sends me care packages. She tries to send me treats and food items that I can’t get over here. I told her that the food was not good here (no seals, whales, or walruses at all), and she thought that was terrible! So, she tried to send me a walrus. She figured that sending a live walrus would be best – that way it wouldn’t spoil on the trip. Here are a couple of pictures Kelly took of Milkshake putting the walrus into the box. Apparently the walrus didn’t want to go.

Sometimes, Milkshake and Kelly take turns watching the cubs. Today it was Milkshake’s turn.

One way that polar bear cubs develop is by play-fighting. That’s how they learn the skills and develop the muscles they need to catch seals and other animals to eat, and to fight other polar bears. Milkshake thinks that those are important skills for humans to have, too. So she often play-wrestles with Amy.

It looks like Amy got the better of this fight!

Posted by Stone Cold at 11:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

This was a headline on MSNBC.com:

"S. Korean wolf cloning team under investigation"

I definitely think an investigation is needed. Wolves should not be trying to conduct scientific experiments of any kind, let alone cloning. Especially South Korean wolves. I am not fond of wolves - they run around in packs and howl and yap and that makes me nervous. If you try to eat one the others always gang up on you. We really don't need them to make more of themselves by cloning.

Posted by Stone Cold at 12:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Most of you probably don't know this, but the 27th of February is Polar Bear Day! That's one of my favorite holidays. It commemorates the day, thousands of years ago, when Polar Bears declared their independence from Grizzlies! Who can forget those stirring words in the preamble to the Polar Bear Declaration of Independence:

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."

Or, translated:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident: That all Bears are created equal, that all other animals are created as food for Bears, and that Bears are endowed with certain unalienable rights, chief among these being the right to life, liberty, pursuit of happiness, enough to eat, and the right to Bear arms."

Unfortunately, the US Army doesn't recognize Polar Bear Day, but I was able to take a few minutes to have my own private celebration. The nice folks at National Geographic sent me a calendar with a bunch of pictures of me, and I took some time to look at those and think of the memories they brought to mind…

This picture really made me miss my mom:

I remember Polar Bear Day when I was a cub. We'd go to the local park where all the bears were gathered to celebrate. We'd have fireworks, music, and – my favorite – deep-fried seal pups on a stick! In my town the highlight of the day was when a specially chosen bear would put on a long coat and top hat, and growl the words of the Gettysburg address (history has tended to understate the role of polar bears in that battle).

It was also the one day of the year that my siblings wouldn't beat me up.

Continue reading "Happy Polar Bear Day!" >>>

Posted by Stone Cold at 01:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I get lots of questions about myself, my job, my family, and this blog. Here are the answers to some of the most common questions I receive from my fans. Enjoy!

Q: In pictures with your wife, Milkshake, it always looks like she is much bigger than you. Is she?
A: That’s actually an optical illusion brought on by camera angles and lighting and other stuff like that. I am actually around 1100 pounds, which is on the larger side of average for a male polar bear. Milkshake is around 700 pounds, which is a little more typical for a female.

Q: Where were you born?
A: It’s kind of hard to tell because polar bears don’t pay attention to borders, but I think I was born in Alaska.

Q: Where have you lived?
A: I’ve lived in Alaska, Canada, Minnesota, and now Iraq.

Continue reading "The Iceblog FAQ" >>>

Posted by Stone Cold at 08:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I am VERY excited that THE BEARS will be playing in the Super Bowl. I especially liked the headline on MSNBC Sports: "Bears Maul Saints."

The bears will be up against the colts. I read somewhere that colts are young male horses. I could probably take one down with a single whack of my paw. They don't even have any claws, so how they think they can beat a bunch of bears is beyond me. I guess we'll find out in a couple of weeks!

Posted by Stone Cold at 10:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As most of you know, while I am over here in Iraq my wife, Milkshake, is at home with our two cubs. Milkshake and our cubs live with CPT Simer’s wife, Kelly. They also have a new cub, whose name is Amy. Milkshake and Kelly sometimes take turns watching all three of the cubs, to give each other a break. So Milkshake has been teaching Amy a few things about how to be a polar bear. Apparently, Amy has been learning very well! She even likes some of the same foods that polar bears eat...

Here’s a picture of Amy eating a seal. Seals are polar bears’ favorite food!

Milkshake tells me that Amy waited by a hole in the ice and whacked this seal herself. Good job, Amy!

I am very proud of Amy for learning so fast. Most polar bear cubs are able to get food for themselves by the time they’re about two years old. Human cubs, on the other hand, usually aren’t able to fend for themselves until they are 18...but Amy appears to already know some of the important lessons after only 7 months!

Posted by Stone Cold at 11:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Hi, Everybody! My leave is over and I'm back at work now. I'm still waiting for my new camera to arrive in Iraq, so I don't have any photos from here yet. However, I do have some more pictures from while I was home on leave, so I’ll share them with you.

Naturally, one of the first things I wanted to do while I was home was eat. Unfortunately, Cub Foods was out of seal meat, but that’s OK - Milkshake and I made grilled cheese sandwiches instead.

Here’s Milkshake getting the ingredients together - some bread, cheese, and butter:

Here she’s starting to make the sandwiches:

Here she’s putting some butter on the bread. Polar Bears like LOTS of butter on their grilled cheese sandwiches:

Josh and Kelly’s cub, Amy, likes to sit in her cardboard box and watch while people (and bears) are making food in the kitchen. You can see she was so interested in our grilled cheese sandwiches that she drooled in her box and they made her so hungry, that she tried to eat her hand (silly cub):

And here I am cooking the sandwiches. Mmmmm:

That’s all for now!

I wish you all very happy holidays filled with friends, family, and lots of fat, blubbery seals!

Posted by Stone Cold at 11:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I got one of those "Get to Know your Friends" surveys in my email the other day and thought I'd share my responses...

-----------------------
* NAME: Stone Cold

1. WHAT TIME DID YOU GET UP THIS MORNING? 0510
2. DIAMONDS OR PEARLS? I can't eat either one, so I really don't care.
3. WHAT WAS THE LAST FILM YOU SAW AT A THEATER? "Ice Age."
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE T. V. SHOW? Anything on the Discovery Channel
5. WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST? A 30-egg omelette
6. WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME? Freezing
7. FAVORITE CUISINE? Arctic
8. WHAT FOOD DO YOU DISLIKE? Anything lean
9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? White
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CD AT THE MOMENT? The soundtrack from "Cold Mountain."
11. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU DRIVE? A Yukon, of course.
12. FAVORITE LUNCH? Grilled cheese and seal sandwiches
13. WHAT CHARACTERISTICS IN PEOPLE DO YOU DISLIKE? Not tasting good.
14. MY FAVORITE PAST-TIME IS: Eating
15. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD ON VACATION, WHERE WOULD YOU GO? Spitsbergen. It's my ancestral homeland.
16. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE SINGER(S)? Vanilla Ice, Ice Cube, Ice-T
17. FAVORITE BRAND OF CLOTHING? I don't wear clothes
18. TO WHERE WOULD YOU RETIRE? The Arctic National Wildlife Refuge
19. WHAT WAS YOUR MOST MEMORABLE BIRTHDAY? My 2nd, when I killed my first seal all by myself.
20. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Hockey and wrestling.
21. FURTHEST PLACE YOU ARE SENDING THIS? Minnesota
22. PERSON YOU LEAST EXPECT TO SEND IT BACK TO YOU? Raya, since she isn't used to talking to bears.
23. PERSON YOU EXPECT TO SEND IT BACK FIRST? Christine
24. GOAL YOU HAVE FOR YOURSELF? To eat as much as I can, stay cool, and maul a few insurgents
25. WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY? December 11th
25a. ANY FAMOUS PEOPLE SHARE YOUR BIRTHDAY? Nobody better try to muscle in on MY birthday!
26. HOW MANY WEDDINGS HAVE YOU BEEN IN, INCLUDING YOUR OWN ? I was going to be a ringbearer at Josh and Kelly's wedding, but I ate the ring.
27. ARE YOU A MORNING PERSON OR A NIGHT PERSON? Here I'm a night person, because it's too darned hot during the day!
28. WHAT IS YOUR SHOE SIZE? 87
29. PETS: None. I am one.
30. ANY NEW AND EXCITING NEWS YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE WITH US? I broke into the freezer at the dining hall last night and not only did I have a good meal, but I had the best night's sleep I've had since arriving here!
31. WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE ? bigger.
32. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? Hot. and hungry
33. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CANDY? Seal-flavored jelly beans
34. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLANT OR FLOWER? I don't eat plants or flowers, so it doesn't matter much
35. WHAT DAY ON THE CALENDAR ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO? Whenever it starts getting cooler here.
36. WHERE IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE EVER BEEN FROM HOME? Basra, Iraq
37. A SMALL THING YOU REALLY ENJOY? Getting a letter from Milkshake
38. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK? "Call of the Wild," and "Polar Bear, Polar Bear, What do you Hear?"
39. WHAT ARE YOU MOST PROUD OF? Beating up another bear for the right to marry Milkshake
40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ALBUM? Whichever Foreigner album had "Cold as Ice"
41. WHAT MAKES YOU CRINGE? Global warming
42. IF YOU COULD DO ANYTHING, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Eat
43. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN THAT YOU WILL VISIT AGAIN? Norway
44. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN THAT YOU WILL NEVER VISIT AGAIN? Iraq
44. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE? Ice Age, Cool as Ice,The Ice Harvest, The Day After Tomorrow
45. WHICH CAME FIRST, THE CHICKEN OR THE EGG? The bear that surprised and ate both of them.
46. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU MADE SMILE TODAY? None yet. Usually I make people scream.
47. WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE WORLD, WHAT DO YOU SEE? Something that needs more snow and ice
48. CATS OR DOGS? Cats - I get nervous around dogs.
49 GOOD OR BAD? Hungry.
50. SOMETHING PEOPLE PROBABLY DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU? I ran away from home when I was just an adolescent because my older siblings kept beating me up. I ended up leaving Alaska for Minnesota because I thought White Bear Lake sounded like a great place to live. That was where Kelly found and adopted me.

Posted by Stone Cold at 08:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I know that all you ladies out there will be disappointed to know that I'm married. My wife is named Milkshake. We have five cubs who were born after I was mobilized. It's rare that polar bears have more than 3 cubs in the wild, but given that living conditions and access to food is slightly better in Saint Paul, Minnesota, we ended up with five cubs. They keep Milkshake busy, but luckily Josh's wife Kelly helps her out.

Anyway, here are some photos of my wife and me. These were taken before the cubs came along. I am still waiting to get some photos of them from my wife, but when I do, I will share them as well.

Milkshake and I enjoyed the first snow storm this past winter. This was a few weeks before I was mobilized:

There are no seals, walruses, or beluga whales to eat in Minnesota, so we had to see about catching some squirrels for dinner. We tried to whack them out of the tree with little success:

Here is Milkshake sending me an email after I left for Camp Shelby:

Posted by Stone Cold at 02:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I am a big fan of auto racing. Here are some of my favorites:

FORMULA ONE
Drivers:
4. Mark Wegerrrrrr
3. Gerrrrrrnando Alonso
2. Kimi Grrrrrraikkonnen
1. Michael Schumagerrrrrrrrrrrr
Favorite manufacturer: Gerrrrrrari

NASCAR
Drivers:
5 Jamie McGurrrrrrray
4 Michael Walgrrrrrrrrip
3. Grrrrrrrling Marlin
2. Carl Edgrrrrrrrds
1. Dale Grrrrrrrnhardt Jungrrrrrrrrr

Favorite manufacturer: Chevgrrrrrrolet

Posted by Stone Cold at 02:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

In response to yet another one of those "Get to Know Your Friends" emails...

1. How tall are you barefoot?
About 11 or 12 feet when I stand on my hind legs.

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
No, but I've rubbed my face with snow.

3. Do you own a gun?
Sort of. I mauled a hunter and took it.

4. Rehab?
Is that a kind of food?

5. Do you get nervous before "meeting the parents?"
Yes. I'm always afraid they're going to maul me.

Continue reading "Even More Random Stuff About Me" >>>

Posted by Stone Cold at 02:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Someone forwarded me one of those "Get to Know Your Friends" emails. Here are my responses...

Chapter 1
Body...
Initials: SC
Middle name: none
Birthday: 12 August 2000
Hair length: Typical
Eye color: black

Chapter 2
Family...
Do you live with your parents: No, my father didn't stay around after mating with my mom, and my mother turned me loose before I was 2.
Do you get along with your parents? The only time I saw my dad, he whacked me across the face because I tried to sneak up and eat some of his walrus.
Are your parents married/separated/divorced? Yes.
Do you have any siblings? I had two older siblings who used to beat me up whenever I tried to nurse, which is why I never grew very big.
What pets do you have? I keep a human named Josh.

Continue reading "Random Stuff About Me" >>>

Posted by Stone Cold at 02:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)