"Let us then, be up and doing. With a heart for any fate; Still achieving, still pursuing, Learn to labor and to wait."
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

There's something dreadfully exciting about not knowing what tomorrow may bring. And yet so….exasperatingly…restless. Take next year for example. Who knows where my feet will take me next? There are so many limitless possible paths.....yet, so much is dependent on factors that are seemingly out of my control. The feeling is something reminiscent of my senior year, when I submitted some applications to jobs, grad school, and considered my future. I had no idea I would end up in the middle of Montana doing research—a year that turned the tides in a direction I would never have anticipated. Like finding love. In a time which I had stubbornly declared to be on a journey of independence. I suppose it is precisely in declarations such as that in which one is most likely to be bamboozled by the thing that one runs from. And yes, you read correctly. I’m breaking the silence with the four letter word. Hey its post-Valentine’s day. And for the first time, I have a real valentine.There's so much more, but we'll save that for later.....:D But...*sigh*.... he is 1000 miles away…

The thing is, age steals proximal relation to the paths already traveled, and I find myself struggling to remember how it is I got here. Perhaps a clue about where I will go lies in this memory. In my social epi class, we grapple with social determinants of health—and Professor Oakes suggests that “where we get started” relates to “where we are going”. Our future, our present is so rooted in our past. Although, our past does not predestinate our destiny, it certainly may predict it.

I must say, the past two paragraphs are so enigmatic and abstract. And a tad experimental--grammatically speaking...I have been stretching my none-sense neurons...So, the story is I’m waiting to hear back from Phd programs in social epi….And I probably should make some sort of plan B- like apply to some job or fellowship. But the truth is, as much as I’m shrugging it off as ‘out of my hand’, I can not—I refuse to—let a piece of paper direct my future. If not now, tomorrow, and if not tomorrow, the next day. Yes. I am that determined. When you know it is your destiny…when you know you can’t shake it from your system…it becomes just that real….If not for myself, I owe it to the ones who got me here in the first place.