The other night, at about 7 PM, maybe even later, a solicitor knocked at my door. [Couldn't figure out the doorbell?] I answer the door with my trusty sidekick, Chazz, close at heel, after having glanced out the window to identify what I was up against this time. There stood a lowly cable company man, about 30 or a little younger.
Cable boy: Hello, I'm ______. [reaching out hand to shake]
Me: Hi, C____. [reluctantly exchanging the favor while keeping door closed as much as possible to keep the ravenous Chazz from getting to this helpless fella]
CB: blah blah blah crap about this cable company....Have you ever had _______ service?
Me: Yup, few years back when I had an apartment.
CB: Do you have high-speed internet?
CB: Who is that with?
Me: _______ (the competitor) [proudly stated]
CB: blah blah blah Don't you want a better package that includes cable?
Me: Nope, wouldn't watch it.
CB: Well, blah blah, blahdy blah blahs, blah blah....(something about this being a great deal)
Me: Nope, . . . I . . . don't . . . .want . . . cable.
CB: Why not?
Me: Because I'm not a lazy ass. [Hey, you asked]
CB: [turning his head] Wow, that's insulting. . . (pause) . . . Well, have a good night then.
Me: uh-huh [closing door with a great sense of satisfaction]
Hey buddy, you knock on my door, I run the show. No need to act shocked that some people actually don't veg out in front of a hypnotic array of tiny lights trying to avoid real-life. I've got my own shit to do; I don't have time to do what I want to do, let alone give a hoot about some pretty faces who were paid to be over-dramatic for the chance to win a second date with a nobody. Oh wait, that crap is on network TV. My bunny ears will tune in that garbage for me just fine, if I ever cared to attempt it.
Crazy idea for all the TV addicts: go live your own life.
Crazy idea for the cable solicitors: go get a real product.