Why I Miss Bill Clinton (and other thoughts):

In about 12 hours I will receive by email three essay questions that may be some of the most important I ever answer. Actually, I only have to pick two. I have until a week from Friday to finish my essays and hand them in. At this point, I'm not particularly worried about passing prelims. I'm a solid writer, I'm familiar with the material (read: the 150 books on the reading list), and I've done pretty well on essay tests in the past. So, I've been coaching myself with the mantra that this is just another essay test.

Of course, it isn't.

This is a major hurdle toward the completion of my PhD. If I don't pass, I get two more tries and them I'm outta here. So, no pressure or anything. I have to prove that I've been learning what I'm supposed to learn over the past two years in coursework. Ack.

On the other hand....

For cryin' out loud already! Haven't I done enough to appease the academic gods that now I must spend two weeks answering two extensive, multi-part essay questions? Don't my A's in all the core coursework mean anything? What was I writing and writing and writing and writing and writing for in those? Dear God.

So, motivation is going to be the key issue for me. In truth, I'm just not in the mood to do this. Not for lack of confidence, but more for lack of concern. I don't mean to be flippant about prelims. I'm sure they have their place and I'm willing to play the game to get where I want to be. But I honestly wonder, what on earth will they show that hasn't been manifest already in my academic performance?

I guess we'll find out. Starting tomorrow...