The Psychology of Dating


Psychologist Allison Conner wrote an article about the top ten mistakes people make while dating. To summarize,
1. Game playing: to protect your ego
2. Talking too much about your ex: This information shouldn't be shared too in depth at the beginning of your relationship
3. Fantasizing about the future (mostly women): For example, trying the guy's last name with your first name after the third date.
4. obsessing over details: worrying what others think, your parents, etc.
5. ignoring red flags: If he kicks your dog, has anger problems, etc.
6. Interrogating your date: asking how many kids they want, or when they are thinking about marriage, that's scary for young people
7. Avoiding Intimacy: Self Explanatory
8. Rush in, Rush out: Getting overly involved, then dumping someone after a short period of time
9. Not being honest about your needs: you can't pretend everything is ok forever
10. Sacrificing too much to get the relationship: you shouldn't have to lose your friends and family to date the man/woman of your dreams

The official article is here:

A video related to the article (the mistakes are a little bit different):

Other facts from

Love does indeed physically make people crazy. It causes Serotonin levels in the brain to drop which can lead people to obsess over their lover. Also, it ramps up production of Cortisol which leads to higher blood pressure and possible loss of sleep. Also, scientists have found that when people look at a new lover, the neural circuits in charge of social judgement are suppressed.

Also, a break up can be just as hurtful as a real physical injury. Finally, Scientists are beginning to believe that blushing and having rosy cheeks actually make them more attractive to men, because it signifies good health.


Sometimes it feels uncomfortable for me to apply this “Psychology of Dating”, which I prefer to call it skills or tricks, in a date. However, these tips really works when my friends date with girls. So now I think it is not wrong to use these skills becauce these skills help me to show my best side to other people.

Haha. This topic is awesome. "Talking too much about you ex-" is really a bad idea.

lol, I have definitely been on awkward first dates where these rules are broken. Needless to say, I didn't want to come back for a second date. ;)

The phrase easier said than done comes to mind when reading some of these rules. Most of them seem common sense but some people are unaware. The links were interesting and supportive of your post. Dating is an interesting thing and brings out sides of people you never would have thought.

This is a great article. I have been on dates where these rules are shattered. Those dates did not go well! I remember hearing about how breakups can heart just as bad as physical injury. They can actually cause the same areas of the brain to be activated, but pain killers do not help, unfortunately.

I enjoyed reading this blog and can relate to a few of those items :) A date who interrogates or fantasizes about the future on the first few dates is an immediate red flag for me, especially when he talks consistently about his ex! I also think that being honest about your needs is key to taking a relationship to the next level.

I think it's cool that you incorporated that article. It shows that there are so many factors that play into the "Psychology of Dating." For example, talking about an ex could trigger jealousy in the other person. Also, obsessing over the details of a relationship could cause anxiety. I think this is a mistake that people tend to make a lot. They start to read into the little things and to worry too much about what might happen if they do something or what could happen if they do something else. Also those are some crazy physical symptoms too.

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This page contains a single entry by baltr001 published on March 28, 2012 4:09 PM.

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