Jen & Derek's Wedding

Martha, Eat Your Heart Out!

I searched all over for a tutorial on how to preserve fall leaves. We are planning to decorate our tables with fall foliage, but we don't want to buy preserved leaves because they are too expensive, and the silk ones just look fake.

So I decided that I would preserve leaves myself. I found a tutorial that explains the process, but as I was reading it I came up with my own version of the tutorial based on what is most likely to happen.

How to Preserve Fall Leaves

1. Buy glycerine, containers to hold the glycerine, containers to store the containers that hold the glycerine, and lots of rubber gloves. Chances are you will spend more than it would cost just to buy leaves already preserved.

2. Enlist help from friends and family who have nothing else to do all day but look for perfect fall leaves without tears or holes in them. Estimated number of friends you will find for this task: 0.

3. Heat up glycerine on the stove, taking great care not to:
a.) Burn yourself.
b.) Spill piping hot gylcerine on the dog who won't leave you alone while you are playing with magma-like substances.
c.) Forget about piping hot glycerine on the stove while you are on the phone calling emergency veterinarian letting them know your dog is en route.

4. Dip leaves in glycerine where they will stay submerged for up to three weeks, or until the leaves become too much of a problem for either you or your fiance and they are thrown out, or when your dog accidentally eats a preserved leaf and needs to be rushed to the emergency room (see item #3).

5. Retrieve leaves from the glycerine after appointed time and marvel at the lack of preservation that actually took place.

6. Add up the number of hours spent preserving leaves, factoring in the amount of money used to purchase supplies, and the final vet bill.

7. Get out your VISA card and buy preserved leaves.

For an actual tutorial on how to preserve leaves, sarcasm removed, click here.

Posted by tsch0020 at May 26, 2005 3:16 PM