I came across a page that describes perfectionism in a much more accurate way rather than my version that says, "if you don't meet your own demands, you suck".
The page lists several irrational beliefs that perfectionists have. Here are a few that stood out to me:
1. You are a loser if you cannot be perfect.
2. There is no sense in trying to do something unless I can do it perfectly.
3. Don't ever let anyone know what goal you're working on. That way they won't consider you a failure if you don't reach it.
4. Everything in life must be done to your level of perfection, which is often higher than anyone else's.
5. The ideal is what is real; unless I reach the ideal I am a failure.
I really identify with these statements. Even if I know that they are not realistic or helpful, I catch myself saying versions of these things to myself, particularly when I am really stressed out. As a result, I create even more problems for myself than when I started.
What is strange about this whole thing is that there are areas of my life where I do fine. It seems to come out particularly when I am putting myself out there to be judged, either in school or in my work. When I have a job that requires me to work and get tasks done, and I have a boss who monitors them, I do fine. In fact, I excel in that type of environment. But when I am left to my own devices, doing something on my own, that is when I am the most self-destructive for some reason.
I know this is a little off-topic, but I'm concerned that it might affect the planning of the wedding. Does anyone else ever feel this way, or am I the lone weirdo here.Posted by tsch0020 at June 7, 2005 2:20 PM