October 8, 2004

thought paper

Thought Paper
Kristin Head

This piece didnít strike me as particularly good writing. It wasnít bad; it just didnít scream good writing. I really donít like the paragraph structure of the piece. Some paragraphs are only one sentence long and then it moves on to the next topic and paragraph. Some could be combined, or more details added to better support the paragraph. One sentence says that the FDA ďpractically banned the use of ÖĒ The use of the word practically is weak and is not backed up further to make it a stronger argument, or a source of information. The writer employs the use of pathos when he quotes Michelle Pitts.
The article was about how the numbers of breast implants are on the rise despite the facts about how unhealthy they are. It discusses lawsuits from women with implants and what medical problems the implant have been linked to. It gives a personal account of a woman who is about to get breast implants.
I think the point of the article is that even thought history has shown that implants cause problems for the women who get them; many women are still having the procedure done. It is a mostly informative piece, although it does give a personal account from a woman who is about to get implants.
As I stated earlier I think the paragraph structure could be improved. More transitions are needed. Everything that is in the article is relevant but could be related better. It could be more specific and detailed, with the lawsuit and I didnít really understand the doctorís quote. The quote needs to be sandwiched. There is some passive voice used.

Posted by head0046 at October 8, 2004 11:21 AM