October 31, 2004

Happy Halloween All

Posted by woka0001 at 8:15 PM

October 30, 2004

thought paper

I don’t mind the assignments that we have had. They are not to horrible, it is just that I don’t always understand what is to be done. The papers are long and a lot of work. In high school I never had to write this this long of a paper nor one of this kind of format. So it is just a little hard for me to understand what I am suppose to do. I do like however that at the end I will have one big paper. I hope that I can have it corrected so that it is almost perfect, that would just make my time that I put into it worth it. When writing my papers I try not to use the “to be” form but I always forget what words are considered to be. Other then that I like how you are flexible willing to extend our papers or other assignments if we need to.

Posted by sext0066 at 12:41 PM

October 29, 2004

forms of "to be"

Hey Everyone--
Hopefully you enjoy your weekend! The forms of to be are as follows:

is am are was were be being been

Basically, it's when you take an agent out of the sentence--
i.e. Jack hammered the nail into his hand!
v.
passive-The nail was hammered into his hand.

If you notice above, the first is much more powerful--the second has about as much excitement as a cold, clammy handshake. I want you to reinsert the agent--think about who is really doing the action and rephrase. You can use the Lard reducer method like we talked about in class. Evidence of passives usually include excessive prepositional phrases, a form of "to be," and confusion about the agent.

Good luck! We'll do another exercise on Monday and talk about credibility.

Char

Posted by tsch0070 at 11:54 AM

Thought paper

One reason I like the assignments right now is the fact we are sticking with our original topics. Although it is the biggest pain for me to revise over and over again this paper, in the end, is going to be one that was worked on for a whole symmester. That is awesome and later on this paper could be referred to, especially if it is in a student’s area of study. The hardest part for me is keeping the amount of pages right. It seems every time I revise my paper I eliminate more and make everything less wordy, but then I have to add more information to keep the page number up. It’s also hard to sort through a ton of sources. There has been a ton of information for my topic especially recent information and it is hard to not get overwhelmed. All in all this paper is a struggle but every time we add something new and peer review everything seems to look a lot better.

Posted by hohn0011 at 11:33 AM

1/2 page steam info

The only real problem I find that is the most important would be how relatively new my topic is compared to some of the other topics that students are writing on. Since the topic is a newer one there is not as many things to research on it. I am not saying that some students don’t share the same issue as well. Certain controversies have been around for some time now and numerous studies and facts have been made available. I just wanted to do a paper on something that might hold some degree of interest for some students. And with new information coming out every day it is hard to know just what could happen next. Putting two papers together is a challenge as well. Its good to have two big blocks of information to use, but you are writing a new paper like a jigsaw puzzle making pieces of information fit together. It’s a process of making sure things sound well when put together.

Posted by gran0399 at 11:32 AM

The assignments

I am really not sick of this assignment. The only thing that I wish that I did differently, is choose a topic that I was interested in. I ended up changing my topic, and it hurt me in the long run. With all of the research that we have done, I have learned a lot about the topic, and since it interests me, it has been good. I am not struggling to meet the page requirements, but I have been struggling to organize my thoughts in a way that makes sense to the reader. I tend to write what is in my head, and I think that it makes sense to other people, but it doesn't. I hope that after reading responses to my paper, that I will be able to organize my thoughts for better understanding.
The only complaint that I have is the first paper. I felt confused with the assignment, and ended up doing it all wrong. The paper was horrible. I think that I would have gone about it completely differently had I known that it was more of a research paper vs. an argumentative paper.
The assignment is good, because I have never had the chance to write a 16 page paper. The paper will be a big accomplishment.

Posted by lith0004 at 11:32 AM

thought paper

I have never researched a topic in so much depth. I feel like I have done so much reading on my topic. I’m finding it really hard to find unbiased sources. I’m also having a hard time formatting my bibliography page. I’m finding the iterative writing process very helpful. At times it is very difficult to collaborate all my data, yet I feel like I am doing a thorough writing job. I like that I am able to receive grades feedback throughout the writing of the paper and I enjoy that I am able to change my mistakes. Knowing what I am doing wrong helps me in my writing process. I am constantly using forms of “to be.” I proof my papers with the intention of eliminating all of the forms, and I still miss a lot of them. I’m having a really hard time rephrasing my thoughts without using these forms. All in all, so far everything is going pretty smooth. Hopefully, with the base of my paper started, the rest of my writing should be a little bit easier!

Posted by angst018 at 11:32 AM

Writing

I really believe I am learning alot compared to what I started with. I am not a fan of the weekly writing assignments but I will write about that a little later. I learned how not to use the verb to be, and I realize that it does sound a lot better when you don't use it. I really like how we correct our first drafts in class, it helps me out alot to hear what others have to say. The thing that helps out the class is Ms. Tschider. She is always smiling and it makes my day go alot better. You know that guy the dropped this class? A couple girls and I were talking how she did not deserve how he was treating her and we felt really bad. Something out of nowhere is I am always wondering what she is going to be wearing because she always is wearing cutes outfits, but back to the writing. I am struggling with the weekly writing assignments. I really don't understand why but I take forever on them and my quality is not even good. I am also struggling with actually sitting down and researching. I think I might have a disability. My attention span is very short.

Posted by ewal0032 at 11:30 AM

Thought Paper

The assignments so far have been okay. These weekly thought papers aren’t very hard and we get writing practice. The papers have been a little harder. They take a while to write and you have to keep revising them. The informative papers weren’t too bad, but now we have to have academic sources in our convincing paper, and academic sources are much harder to find. The library’s web site is helping but it is still hard to find six academic sources. Also, I’ve had to work on this paper the same week I’ve had a couple of midterms. I haven’t had much free time at all this week because my time has been divided into writing my paper and studying for my midterms. It has been tough but I’m almost done, and then I can sleep for a few days.

Posted by spart022 at 11:30 AM

assignment paper

Thought Paper
The assignments are going good. I needed an extension for the second paper, since it took so long to get the corrects back to us. I haven’t gotten sick of my topic yet, which is a good thing. There is so much to learn about genetic engineering. Now that I’m working on the controversies, I have a lot of information. It’s been easy to meet the page requirements.
I'm haeing some troubles. I’m still can not find words in form of “to be.” I haven’t changed any of those yet, but I will. I don’t understand what words are included in the “to be” form. I think a list of them would be helpful.

Posted by sull0384 at 11:29 AM

comments on writing assignments

I like the progression of the writing process. It is a way of doing things that I never really thought of before. Breaking the paper down into different parts then puting them back together is a different strategy. The problem that comes up with this is that each paper you want to make the key points in. When it comes down to puting the papers together for each final draft, you have to cut out the redundancy as much as possible. What ends up happening is you repeat a lot of facts in the paper so in order to correct this, you must add more information than just the 4 pages each time. I had a hard time coming up with another 4 full pages on the second paper because many of the points were either repeated or related to each other, resulting in the reduction of description sentences to connect each side of the history of the topic. I fear that by the final version at the end of the semester will have a lot of redundancy and in order to compensate for that, I'll have to include a sufficating amount of quotations in order to fill space to meet the page requirements. My struggles were mainly to write enough new information that avoided being redundant. Another problem I have is I still can not seem to grasp the idea of what types of words are passive voice. I know "to be" is but I can't remember all the forms of "to be" and it's hard to make a good sentence sometimes without using a form of "to be".

Posted by fris0084 at 11:29 AM

ranting and raving

I don’t really like how we have to do one big paper. I think that we should have to do more individual papers. It would be more interesting for me to have a new topic and it would be easier for me as well. The papers are going ok but its getting harder and harder to find new sources. I also still struggle with the form of “to be”. That is somewhat fustarting when I know it is there but im not sure how to fix it. I think the assignments could also have a little more structure to the directions. I am somewhat confused on some of the expectations or even what the paper should be like. Examples would be nice. I also think there should be more time between each paper to allow for adequate time to get more information and make corrections to the old ones. It is hard to write a new paper when directions are unclear and then go back and edit the last two in the same amount of time that we had to write the first one. Not to mention the difficulty of finding more sources that go with the topic as well as the sources being speicifc types. I think that we should have a few short papers that cover different topics and cover a few different writing styles then having one big paper.

Posted by burg0199 at 11:29 AM

Those nasty little buggers of "to be" forms

I like how its one big paper but we gradually build up to it, makes me less stressed that its broken up. But it tends to be redundant and feels like it never ends, and it starts to get boring. Sometimes smaller papers are less stressful and more entertaining / interesting to write because it’s a fresh topic. However, I don’t think I’d learn and experience just how much forms of to be are used in my writing and our language as a whole.
My paper is going well, but I’m having a hard time digging deeper into my topic and it seems like most of the information out there is one sided and you don’t really get to hear a lot about the other side to the argument. Most of the sites that I have found with good information and actual what I believe to be “credible” in anyway have already been used in my paper and I just can’t seem to find another good credible source. I think I might spend sometime this weekend digging on the library’s website finding more credible sources there hopefully. I haven’t spent as much time as I should be using this source of information.
I’m struggling to the extreme with “to be” forms. They are a pain in the bum to get rid of for me. I tend to just sit there and stare at my paper, thinking of how to reword the sentence to make the to be forms to go away, saying the sentence over and over and I still cant seem to find a way to get rid of the nasty buggers. As well as finding more credible sources that I haven’t already used.

Posted by kamm0038 at 11:29 AM

Thought Paper

One reason I like the assignments right now is the fact we are sticking with our original topics. Although it is the biggest pain for me to revise over and over again this paper, in the end, is going to be one that was worked on for a whole symmester. That is awesome and later on this paper could be referred to, especially if it is in a student’s area of study. The hardest part for me is keeping the amount of pages right. It seems every time I revise my paper I eliminate more and make everything less wordy, but then I have to add more information to keep the page number up. It’s also hard to sort through a ton of sources. There has been a ton of information for my topic especially recent information and it is hard to not get overwhelmed. All in all this paper is a struggle but every time we add something new and peer review everything seems to look a lot better.

Posted by hohn0011 at 11:29 AM

paper reflection

A strictly independent writing class is really new for me. Usually I am assigned a paper with a topic or question to answer. I really enjoy picking out my own topic and following it up with research. I think I am a lot more motivated to research my topic if I like the subject. I think another aspect that I enjoy is the idea of splitting up the paper into 4 page chunks each composed of different areas of the topic. I think that if we were just assigned a 16 page paper at the beginning of the class I know I would wait until the late minute. This way I know that I have to get certain parts of the paper done at certain times. I think because my topic is a local as well as recent controversy I sometimes struggle in finding information. I think this paper might have been easier to write in a couple of years. On the other hand I have found that I am living in this controversy, and therefore I have a more personal opinion. Like I said I think the one thing that I am struggling with research on my topic, but I think that I just need to look more at the local articles and newspapers written. I think that the library sources of these articles will really help me.

Posted by woka0001 at 11:28 AM

thought paper

I think the assigments are appropriate for the class. We aren't doing any busy work, like some classes. I kinda wish the paper wasn't cummlative b/c sometimes i just want to write it and be done with it and not deal with it anymore. But then i think that in the end i'm going to have a really good paper, so it will bo ok. The paper is going ok. I am having trouble finding premeis for the paper but i'm working on it. i think i'm going to have some trouble finding academic sources for my paper. I am going to the library tomorrow in hopes of finding them and finishing my paper in the same day. I am struggling with formatting my argument. I have been reading the book and it is helpful but first i need to fingure out what type of agrument it is to have the book be helpful. It is getting easyer to not use passive voice. There are a few sentecnes that i'm sturggling wih but they are just a few. Overall i really don't think the paper is bad.

Posted by head0046 at 11:27 AM

thought paper

I think that I general, the assignments are not getting too hard. Although, it seems as thought it is getting tougher to find information and specific evidence or quotes to back up my premises. For example, as my paper gets more and more specific, I need more and more specific statistics or quotes to back up my arguments. However, this evidence can be hard to find because it is so specific. Also, the idea of finding academic articles is hard to incorporate now that we have already written half of our paper. Because we are so far into the paper, it is harder to go back and add information that is from a scholarly source. It would have been easier to have started looking for scholarly sources from the way beginning of writing the paper. It feels like the hardest thing for me right now is finding scholarly sources on my topic mainly because my topic is more of a popular topic. Because my topic is file sharing, it seems like most of the articles that I find are popular, and when they are scholarly, they tend to be against my topic.

Posted by pist0014 at 11:27 AM

Thoughts on Our Paper

I believe that this assignment is really worthwhile, even if it is tough. I think it will help me in the future for writing convincing papers. To be honest my paper has been hard for me to complete. I am writing about Chronic Wasting Disease and although it is interesting to me it is a hard topic to make others care about. Most people have not heard of the disease or if they have do not care about it. It is a social perception issue, something that is totally based on how people have been raised or their views. I have been having some trouble finding actual facts for my arguments. Information has been my biggest problem. Many of the sources provide the same information about the history of the disease. Since it is a relatively new disease most of the studies that would normally provide statistics to back up my points are not released. Researchers are still working on their studies and most are unwilling to state their opinions since the long term affects of CWD have not been determined. I think if I can find information that writing the actual paper will not be difficult.

Posted by firn0004 at 11:24 AM

Thought Paper

Right now I’m really overwhelmed with how many pages we have to turn in on Sunday. It would be ok if this was my only class, but it takes a lot of time management to work everything out. I’m glad that we did the paper in stages though. Right now, my room is just exploding with papers about my topic. My desk is overflowing and I’m sure there are random printouts that fell under my desk. I am really excited to work out the final details of my paper. I have put so much work into it. Just finding enough scholarly articles was really a challenge. I had to really think outside the box to find articles written in scholarly journals about the circus. Not many well known scientists want to write about the circus. I’ll be really happy when I can look at the finished product of my paper, but for now it seems like a huge mess that I’m just going to have to bulldoze my way through.

Posted by lore0193 at 11:23 AM

Thought Paper

Right now I’m really overwhelmed with how many pages we have to turn in on Sunday. It would be ok if this was my only class, but it takes a lot of time management to work everything out. I’m glad that we did the paper in stages though. Right now, my room is just exploding with papers about my topic. My desk is overflowing and I’m sure there are random printouts that fell under my desk. I am really excited to work out the final details of my paper. I have put so much work into it. Just finding enough scholarly articles was really a challenge. I had to really think outside the box to find articles written in scholarly journals about the circus. Not many well known scientists want to write about the circus. I’ll be really happy when I can look at the finished product of my paper, but for now it seems like a huge mess that I’m just going to have to bulldoze my way through.

Posted by lore0193 at 11:23 AM

Cheerleading

Are the basketball and football cheerleaders a different team than the competition cheerleaders for the U. Cause if they arent, I was a comp cheerleader in high school and our team was very involved with the U's coach
Sam who is kinda a big hard ass. I heard if you cheer comp in college it takes up a lot of your time and much of that is spent extreme excersizing and body fat reducing:) it still would be fun though i say basketball would be better cause its indoors

Posted by hohn0011 at 11:21 AM

cheerleading

I am debating about cheerlaeading for the U. I think that it would be super cool to travel and to be active with the University, but I don't know if I want to cheer for basketball. I think that football would be awesome, but it is too late to cheer this season. Anyway, I have been given the opportunity to do it, and I can't decide what to do. Any opinions? I could use an unbias opinion. Do people go to games? I have never been.

Posted by lith0004 at 11:05 AM

"to be"

I'm having the hardest time not using forms of "to be." They come so natural when I'm writing and even when I'm reading over my paper looking for them...I still miss them!

Posted by angst018 at 10:59 AM

Are you sick of the election?

Posted by lith0004 at 10:59 AM

The Library Website

After spending more time on the library website, I finally know what I'm doing and I'm finding much more information. I hope it's working for everyone else too! :-) See you in class

Posted by lore0193 at 9:45 AM

October 28, 2004

BLOG

Another rainy dreary day again hope everyone's is going well otherwise. Just wondering if anyone got their paper back yet...See ya tommorrow

Posted by hohn0011 at 3:01 PM

What a Day

Wow will it ever stop raining? It is so yucky out side and it makes me feel like sleeping. It is so bad. I wish the sun would come out. It would really cheer me up. It might help me work on my paper to.

Posted by sext0066 at 1:42 PM

October 27, 2004

Does anyone know if the New York Times Magazine is scholarly? because I found an article under a scholarly search, but i thought that didnt count. I'm a little confused... thanks.

Posted by lore0193 at 6:52 PM

Got your paper yet?

Anyone get their papers back yet? I hope she got her computer fixed, I know how that can be a problem.

Posted by sull0384 at 6:39 PM

Sources

I also have been having a hard time finding sources for this paper. I have tried to use the UMN lib sight but is kinda hard. I also email the Lib with some questions on where to start and different things and they got back to me but I am not able to open the attachment. So I have to work on that. Well good luck with your papers guys!

Posted by sext0066 at 3:53 PM

Sources


Wow, I had no idea how hard it would be to find scholarly sources for my topic. So far I only have a few. Does anyone have any extra suggestions?

Posted by lore0193 at 10:13 AM

October 26, 2004

Rough Draft

Does everyone have their rough drafts ready to go tomorrow?? For the final one, is it suppose to be 3 or 4 pages? and 6 scholar bibliographies??

Posted by ewal0032 at 10:00 PM

Convincing Paper

I was wondering if anyone knew how opinionated this convincing paper was supposed to be. Are we supposed to be giving our opinion by stating it or what....?? Also it says support you arguements by using a mind-map?? im a bit confused on that one. If you can help let me know! Thanks

Posted by burg0199 at 9:25 PM

Paper Layout?

Where can I find the layout for your next paper? I can't find it, and I don't know where to look. All I know is it is online, but where. Please help me.

Posted by sull0384 at 7:13 PM

October 25, 2004

rough draft

Our rough drafts are due wednesday but it is 9pm on monday night and i still don't have my paper back. Did anyone else get their paper back yet?

Posted by head0046 at 8:57 PM

Rough Draft

When are the rough drafts due for the next paper?

Posted by angst018 at 6:04 PM

October 24, 2004

Evolution

1. “There have been at least five species of humans, all of them evolving in Africa and four of them migrating out in successive waves to Europe and Africa. The human evolutionary tree is a bush rooted in Africa.”
2. “Our species evolved in Africa recently, and spread from there to the rest of the world, eventually replacing earlier human species in Europe and Asia.”
3. “Neanderthals were a separate dead-end species of human rather than our direct ancestors.”
The writer supports the first argument by giving the history of the human race, as seen by many anthropologists. The writer supports the second argument by giving the history of the human race from a different view, and then describes a study and the results of the study done to discover which version of the history is correct. The third argument is supported by the writer explaining that neanderthals DNA and homo sapiens DNA are different.
For one example of pathos, the writer could have explained how we evolved, and how we are connected to the species coming out of Africa. Another example could be a story about a scientist discovering the connection between all the different species and their origins in Africa

Posted by spart022 at 11:28 PM

October 22, 2004

To Make You Laugh

Well since I haven't blogged in a while and we can post just about anything, I thought I would tell you all a story that would make you laugh. Yesterday, I went to Coffman to get some lunch to take back to my dorm. Well I picked out some pizza and put it in the little box and proceeded out the back doors of Coffman. When I got out the doors I started down those nice cement steps we have, what I didn't know is that those steps should be marked SLIPPERY WHEN WET. Because I did just that, I had a huge wipeout on the steps. My pizza did this big sommersault in the air and everything. Wow talk about embarassing!! So my advice to everyone is BEWARE THE STEPS, you don't want to make a fool out of yourself like I did :-) OH and have an awesome weekend!

Posted by firn0004 at 7:01 PM

Evolution

This article had many interesting points and several good arguments for his paper. In his paper the author brought forth many ideas that had been fiercely debated by scientists. In his first section the author discussed the theory that our evolutionary path was a “bush” instead of the generally accepted ‘tree” theory. To support this argument he discussed the fact that there were five separate species that developed in Africa. He supported his bush theory by illustrating the fact that these species developed at different times and then migrated, essentially creating evolutionary waves of prehistoric man. Each wave then replaced the succeeding wave. I believe that the author very successfully stated and supported his argument while also refuting the points made by others in the past.
The second argument the author made was relating to the evolution of the species. Some scientists believe that our species developed in three
different continents, Europe, Asia, and Africa; rather than all forming in Africa and spreading outward. To support the point that all species came from Africa he used the findings of a scientific study. The DNA of 42 populations were studied for genetic variations, Populations with the most variations were the oldest since they had the most time for development and variation. In the study 21 of the 24 variations that were found were found in Africa, thus the African populations are the oldest. From this he concluded that the majority of evolutionary advances occurred in Africa.
The final argument that was brought forth was whether or not the modern human was in fact a descendant of the prehistoric Neanderthal. The author sited a study that found huge genetic variations between modern humans and Neanderthals. This variation supported the belief that the two species were actually not directly related; instead Neanderthals were a dead end species.
The author could have used pathos in his article in several places. For example in his introduction, instead of jumping into the debate among scientists he could have appealed to emotions by telling a story. In addition, when the author was discussing the link between modern Homo sapiens and Neanderthals, he could have given it a more human face rather than just the facts. An example of using pathos for the link between Homo sapiens and Neanderthals could be something like the following. Scientists do not believe that the two species united and thus Neanderthals became part of our genetic line. It seems unlikely that a Neanderthal man would wander far from his cave into the harsh elements in search of a companion. Instead this man would have found prehistoric happiness with the Neanderthal woman living in a cave just down the hill.

Posted by firn0004 at 6:56 PM

Library

I thought the presentation on the library was useful and I learned other things to go on rather than google.

Posted by ewal0032 at 12:07 PM

Evolution

In the text Human Evolution: The scientist studying human origins are engaged in lively debate, there are many ways to think about the human evolution. Two scientists sent their views to all of their colleagues about the Neanderthal evolution. Many disagreements arose because of these controversial issues. One issue is that the evolutionary tree becomes a bush, and that bush’s roots come out of Africa. The next controversial issue is that the human specie evolved in Africa recently and spread from there to the rest of the world, eventually replacing earlier human species to Europe and Asia. The final controversial issues indicates that “Neanderthals were a separate specie of humans rather that a direct ancestor.”
The writer supports his arguments by researching the history of human evolution. He also supports his arguments by the theory of early migration out of Africa to Europe and Asia. This theory was the Regional Continuitly Theory. Another support for his argument is the DNA analysis of the bones.
The writer used pathos by trying to make all of us believe that all our ancestors came from Africa and I don’t think he did a very good job on persuading me. He could have mentioned something about not being able to find other evidence in any other country to support his a little more. He also could have mentioned about where we for surely came from and why it is true.
In human evolution, two million years was too short of a time to distinguish gene differences in humans and chimps. This leads to our specie being in Africa for a lot longer because of the genetic mutations. Because of the wide variety of genetics, the background is unclear where we all come from.

Posted by ewal0032 at 12:05 PM

human evolution article

1. -There appears to now be 5 distinct species of humans instead of 3.
- Each species of human tends to originate in Africa then spreads out into Asia and Europe later on in fossil records.
- The last migration of Homo sapiens occured recently about 30000 years ago.
- The human evolutionary family tree is actually a bush.
- More genetic variations were found in current African humans and so it is believed that humans have been in Africa longer and therefore migrated out of Africa later on.
- Reports that Homo sapiens interbreeded with Neanderthals has no solid evidence.
- Neanderthals appear to be a dead-end species of humans.

2. This article appears to be supported as if the writer is actually a scientist. He talks of how he taught human evolution 25 years ago to students so we already know he has to be credible. He doesn't appear to use any sources or citation in the article other than what critics have written in emails. He uses his own knowledge of the subject as the only source and explains it in a way that makes sense to the reader.

3. First, I think that a visual family "bush" would have been a great way to support his arguement. Visuals always are a huge help with readers. I think the main reason it would have been good is to give the reader a better understanding of what the "bush" would be rather than the normal evolutionary "tree". Secondly, I wish the author would have used some of their own personal research or findings in his arguments. I think that his opinion is not clearly supported with person experiences or knowledge to the extent that would make this a more convincing article.

4. Through my own research, I have been able to determine that Neanderthals did not interbreed with Homo sapiens due to there genetic differences. Their DNA has too many variations in it that would not allow for them to interbreed, and as other people had argued, created a hybrid of the two species. This hybrid is not a valid finding and is not clearly supported by the scientists who made the argument. To me, there is clearly two different species when comparing Neanderthals to sapiens. Neanderthals were replaced by sapiens, not slowly changed through interbreeding.

Posted by fris0084 at 11:40 AM

evolution

In the article “Human Evolution: The scientists study human origins are engaged in lively debate,” has many argument outlined. The arguments are:

Is the human evolutionary tree a bush? Controversy of the history of different species that today’s humans came from
Did our species only evolve in Africa?
Are Neanderthals our cousins, or a separate species?

The author supports these arguments by using the information he has gained by teaching human evolution at the Washington University. He doesn’t have any apparent sources that he has used. He has no sources sited, he uses history and static to make his points but don’t mention where has received it.
The author could have used pathos to grab his audience’s attention or to illustrate his point of view.
An example of a paragraph that would use the pathos for this article would be:
Your ancestors underwent many hardships. They traveled all around continents with a goal of survival. Some species didn’t survive while other thrived. Through millions of years only the strong survive making us who we are today.

Posted by sull0384 at 11:34 AM

human evolution article

There are many arguments that the author makes throughout their writing. The topic that is first discussed is about how many different types of humans there have been in history, and the author says that many paleontoloists agree that there were 5. Next, he discusses the controversy on where human evolution began. The author believes that the study of genes that evolve quickly is the solution to determine whether human evolution began in Africa. The last argument discussed was about whether Neanderthals were direct ancestors of humans or whether they were hybridized with humans. The author says that Neanderthals were not the direct ancestors of humans.
Throughout the article, the author mainly uses history to support his arguments, however, there are not any sources cited. Also, the author mentions statistics and studies that have been done with genes and DNA. Lastly, the author uses studies that have been done with old bones that bones and the comparison to bones of humans of today.
The author did not use any pathos in his writing. If the author wanted to use pathos, there are 2 different ways he could have used them if he wanted to catch his audience in a different way. Some examples are that he could have used a story about when the Neanderthals and the homo sapiens hybridized or when a story about how the homo sapien first saw came to life.
Their eyes met for the first time. Both the Neanderthal Ned and the homo sapien Sue fell in love at first sight. They grunted at each other in satisfaction as they told stories of their past. Next the mating ritual began. Thus was the hybridization of the homo sapien.

Posted by pist0014 at 11:33 AM

Evolution

Some of the arguments presented in questioning are
- There are 5 stages of human evolution
- Was homo sapiens migration out of Africa and then spread throughout Europe and Asia
- There is no significant evidence to support a connection between the Neanderthals and human. Further can be found in DNA evidence
The writer supports his arguments by providing a popular opinion with evolutionary support to back. Arguments. He provides evidence of resent research as well as conclusions arose from new information. He provides studies of new bone and DNA research as well as the complexity in the stages of evolution. He really gives a sense of uncertainty throughout the article, always questioning the possibility of the unknown. The writer could of used pathos, and emotional interjection to claims of the presented arguments. Pathos could be by supporting the arguments or attracting the audience. An example of this could be Homo habilis were the first species to ever step foot on the rich soil of the earth. They roared on the grounding claiming it as their own and officially beginning the process of evolution.

Posted by woka0001 at 11:32 AM

Evolution and Pathos

The article “Human Evolution”, was full of scientific theories, information, and arguments. It starts off showing the two sides scientists believed about evolution. The first argument was “the human evolutionary tree is a bush, rooted in Africa.”. Some paleontologists believed only five distinct species evolved into the homo sapiens we are today and that four of them came from Africa. The author followed the argument with dates, origins, and specific names of the different species.
The second argument basically entails all species of homo sapiens could not have derived just from Africa. This specific theory was called the Regional Continuity Theory. It told the reader how the stream of different populations over the world became homo sapien.
After presenting the two arguments the author goes right into transition saying we can find the truth to this controversy by looking at genetic variations from each group of humans. He goes through the scientific study to prove that the oldest population of humans show genetic defects so African populations were around a lot longer than Asian or American.
I could not find many examples of pathos in this article. The author seemed much more scientific than emotionally connected to the reader. If I could add some pathos into this article I would incorporate the reader by mentioning family lineages. I would get the discussion of knowing our own ancestries and how far back people can go. Maybe the author could find research on the largest family tree known. I think bringing a family tree into the article could make the reader get emotionally connected because where they personally come from is being addressed.

Posted by hohn0011 at 11:32 AM

Human article

The arguments for this article are how did humans evolve and what theory is right. There are many different views on how the human race evolved and if we evolved only in Africa and what scientist is right.
The writer supports his arguments by giving information and facts that have been found by scientists all over the world. Also, the scientists have been doing research for many years on this subject and are very informed but they do not agree on who is right. Both sides have made arguments and have facts to support their arguments but neither one sorts its self as the right one.
This article is a very scientific article and uses many scientific words that to a regular person may not understand. One way to help them understand may be to put a story about why they feel it is so important that we find out where humans evolve from so that the regular person feels some connection. Also, then the reader will want to read on because they will feel personally connected. Another thing the writer could add to this article is a little story about how this research has changed their life. This way we may be able to connect our life to the research and feel some emotion from the article.
It wasn’t until I started researching the evolution of humans that I realized how important life really was. As I was researching I found many bodies and in many parts of the world and how they looked as I discovered them. As I discovered them I realized that someday I too may be dug up to be looked at to see different aspects of human life. It also made me realize that I will not live forever and that I should be happy for my time that I have on earth.

Posted by sext0066 at 11:30 AM

Human Evolution

Is human evolution tree a bush?
Did our species evolve only in Africa?
Are Neanderthals our cousins, or a separate species?

The writer supports his arguments by introducing the topic, supporting it with a fact and then explaining what he meant by including the fact and what it means in simpler detail. He/she uses facts, information, events, history that pertain to the topic, and agree to his argument to support his case. He/she interprets the data they stated to make it worthwhile in their paper.

Two examples of how the author could add pathos into his/her writing are: tell a story about how mutations have evolved humans over time; what’s bad or good about evolution? He could have explained how many people do not understand where they have come from and the evolution our species has gone threw. He also could have pertained to more of how evolution affects humans not just physically but emotionally. How do gene mutations affect us?

Humans have evolved in the past 2 million years, a time frame which is too short to introduce gene mutations/gene differences to our species. But do we really know how this affects our species? Just look at the wide variety of chimpanzees, who have been around for some time now, can you tell the gene differences? They have more of a variety within their species due to gene differences.

Posted by kamm0038 at 11:29 AM

Evolution

The major arguments in this piece are: there have been at least five species of humans not just three, humans evolved in Africa and spread to the rest of the world from there, and Neanderthals are a separate dead-end species not our direct ancestors. The author in this piece uses a lot of scientific evidence to support his claims. While there is no direct scientific evidence to link directly to his conclusions, he uses the evidence to support his ideas. His interpretations of the data, lead to the belief of the three main arguments above.
I think this author could use pathos to create a certain appeal to his beliefs. Right now, after I just read the piece, I really did not care one way or another. I did not have any emotion towards one answer. The author should make the reader want to believe that we evolved from ancestors in Africa. He should give us a reason to want to be connected to African relatives, while at the same time not connected to Neanderthals. Accomplishing these two goals would support two of his arguments very well.
An example of doing this would be to give the positive beliefs of being closely related to Africans. He could tell a story of how much stronger Africans were and still are and that is why they were able to overcome the earlier human species in Europe and Asia. Maybe there could be one powerful leader who led his strong people to Europe and Asia and created the mighty, powerful race that we are today. This would really make me want to believe that I am a close ancestor to people from Africa. Who wouldn’t want to be part of a big, strong powerful race, as opposed to the weak race that was probably wiped out in early Europe and Asia. In contrast, the Neanderthals would potentially be described also as weak and unworthy of being out ancestors. Describing people like this would make me proud to be a descendant of the Africans. I would be almost emotionally attached to them.

Posted by lore0193 at 11:29 AM

Thought Paper

Is human evolution a tree or a bush?
Did our species evolve only in Africa?
Are Neanderthals our cousins or a separate species.

The writer supports his arguments by using facts, info, and specific events relating to the argument that he is trying to get across. He also briefly tells you about the history of what he is trying to explain and then he integrates the information he wants you to know with in that.

Two ways he could have used more PATHOS would be: One he could have tugged at you by saying do you know where you came from who you really are. Second he could make it appeal to more readers by to a more general audience. He could then appeal to everyone and make people feel like they are connected to these lost beings.

Today humans are sophisticated, inventive, bold and beautiful, we work, and play and nothing is ever questioned. But where do we really come from? Who are we related to? Is it possible that we are closer then we think to that annoying person next door? Looking back at time yes that is a possibility. Humans have evolved from 4 previous species. We have grown into superior beings. But if you look at our DNA we all may have different DNA but yet one gene sequence in all of us is related.

Posted by burg0199 at 11:29 AM

evolution

1. There were several arguments made in this article. One argument is if all humans originated in Africa, or if they originated from a bunch of different places. Another one is if there were any related ‘human-like’ animals that we may have evolved from. The last argument presented is if the Neanderthals are related to us, or if there were a separate species.
2. This writer supports his arguments by using information throughout history. Another example that he uses, which can’t really be refuted, is DNA. By using this to support his argument, the writer can make an informative paper.
3. There is no pathos in this paper. The writer could of put pathos in to the paper to invoke more emotion. The writer could of used stories of humans interacting with the Neanderthals. The writer could have also said that the other scientists felt about his article.
4. Thirty thousand years ago, the Neanderthals and humans co-existed. Although no proven mating happened, they must of interacted. They could of taught thing to each other, which may be why humans and Neanderthals were once thought of as cousins, although their DNA is completely different.

Posted by rohd0038 at 11:26 AM

thought paper #5

The author of this article is debating the ‘Out of Africa’ theory. That is, whether Homo Sapiens evolved from Neanderthals that had already left Africa, or if the Homo Sapien evolved in Africa and then branched off into Europe and Asia, evolving into different races due to traits favorable in their environment. The author holds the opinion that the ‘Out of Africa’ theory is correct because of DNA testing showing that humans are not quite closely related enough to be a cousin of the Neanderthal, and that fossil studies show that the Neanderthal does not mix traits with Homo Sapiens, so interbreeding is unlikely.
This author did not use pathos in the article. They could have made it more emotional by bringing it to more of a personal level with the reader and the scientists involved. If we understood their passion and dedication to the theories and subjects being discussed and why they feel the way they do, we could get more of an opinion from shared human emotion in addition to solid scientific data.
For example: Dr. A is a scientist who went to the most prestigious universities and dedicated her life to the study of anthropology. She is appaled and feels her long and hard work in school is nearly being discredited by the claims and theories of this idea that states Homo Sapiens move out of Africa was recent.

Posted by knol0041 at 11:24 AM

in class assignmet 10/22

- The human evoloutionary tree is a bush rooted in Africa.
- Our species evolved in Africa recently and spreadd rom there to the rest of the world.
- Neanderthals were a separate dead-end species of human rather then direct ancestors.

The writer poese questions of his arguments, following the questions, he answers them giving his reasearch, and then he states his argument/conclusion. Althouhg it is backward how he has done the format from a typical format, his points and arguments are stated and explained.

If pathos are emaotional responses, he could have included them in his description of the "ancestors." Pathos would make a conenction from the writer to the reader.

Example of pathos:
School is hard for many people to stay on top of when a lot of other factors are involved. For example, I have a huge midterm in one hour, not to mention the rest of the students in this class that probably have the same thing. Teachers who understand that students have more to do in their life then just one class, are the best teachers. It makes for a understanding of each other, and the ability to learn in a better environment. Not only is it a better learning environment, but it makes the student want to do the work.

Posted by lith0004 at 11:18 AM

Convincing #1 paper

Download file

Posted by tsch0070 at 11:07 AM

Thought Paper #5

Go to http://www.txtwriter.com/Onscience/Articles/humanevolution.html

1. Outline the arguments in the URL cited above (use premises to pick apart or just list)

2. How does this writer support his/her arguments?

3. Give me two examples of how the writer could have used pathos.

4. After reading, write an example pgh. or using pathos.

Posted by tsch0070 at 11:05 AM

Library

I've been at the U a couple of years now and never had any idea there were so many resources available. I learned a lot listening to the library lady, and it definitly will not be a problem to find valuable resources any more.:)

Posted by hohn0011 at 10:44 AM

Library

I definetly agree that the library experience was really helpful!! I found out so many things that I didn't know. I especially liked the Ref Works, that will be my new best friend this year :)

Posted by firn0004 at 10:41 AM

Syllabus

Download file

Posted by tsch0070 at 10:07 AM

resource

I agree that having the librarian speak to us about the resourses will help us all with finding academic sources for our papers. It is nice too have all the libraries on campus, with so much information, but it also has its disadvatages. For example, for my topic i have to go over to the west bank for research. Also for chemistry i had to find the science and engering library in watler and go to the sub basement. I definatly think it is good that we have access to the huge amount of information the U has, but as a freshman it is daunting to try and find it. I'm sure it will get easier as i become more aquanted with it.

Posted by head0046 at 1:38 AM

October 20, 2004

Librarian Talk

I am so happy that we had that introduction to the library. I was always afraid to ask questions, so it was really nice that everything was just laid out for us. I had no idea that some of those resources were available for us. :-)

Posted by lore0193 at 6:22 PM

Library

Today's information was useful. Now I know how to look for books in the libraries and also to find information other from google.

Posted by ewal0032 at 1:13 PM

October 18, 2004

Paper

It was nice to get the paper sent off. I don't know how I am going to get more information to end up with 16 pages. THAT IS ALOT! Well, everyone have a nice day!

Posted by ewal0032 at 11:24 AM

October 17, 2004

Thought Paper

To connect my informative paper to my convincing paper, i will need to
connect the history of my argument to the actual argument. I will introduce
the argument an then give the history of the argument before I actually
argue for it and show that I support it. If it is an argument for the other
side, I would introduce the argument and give its history, and then explain
whu its not a good argument and should not be used.
2. This is what my Racial Privacy Initiative, which I am proposing for the
ballot a year from November, is all about. It is time to stop the
government from classifying individuals -- or demanding that individuals
classify themselves -- on the basis of skin color, facial features, hair
texture, national ancestry or ethnic background. Not only is it socially
abhorrent and politically divisive, it has become irrelevant.
3. This transition helps the paper change topics. It starts with a paragraph talking about how people in california need to give information about their racial background when applying to things such as a job. The paragraph after this transition talks about what the initiative will try to do. This paragraph helps transition by wxplaining that you shouldn't have to supply info on your racial background and it also introduces the initiative.
4. There are no problems. This Paragraph is perfect in every way, just like me.

Posted by spart022 at 7:17 PM

October 15, 2004

YAY!

Wow that felt so good to email my paper. I feel like it's my little baby. Does anyone else feel the same way?

Posted by lore0193 at 7:01 PM

Thought Paper

I think that the history section provides the bases for a further extension of ones arguments. The history section should just gradually flow into a presentation or should just come naturally as ones paper extends into further depth. The connection between the two should be evident because the history is what is providing the grounds for arguments to be formed. My transitional paragraph came from the St. Paul pioneer Press title Photo exhibit tells story of Alaska's Arctic National Wildlife Refuge and written by
Deborah Locke.
For two years, starting in spring 2001, Banerjee traveled 4,000 miles by snowmobile, kayak, raft and on foot over an undocumented and unforgiving land. He waited in snow blinds for weeks on end to see if a polar bear would emerge from a den. With native Alaskan Robert Thompson as his guide, Banerjee captured images large and small, detailed and broad, richly colored and stark in their simplicity. My favorite, "Unnamed Lake," shows a cloudy sky reflected in a still lake flanked by pine trees, marshland and mountains. A photo striking for its color shows muskox at sundown, a photo Banerjee took from ground level as an ice fog rolled in. In another picture, a yellowed polar bear moves toward whalebones. http://www.twincities.com/mld/twincities/news/editorial/9920357.htm?1c
This transitional paragraph is used first off to describe the art and photography of Banerjee, this directly correlating to a new opening of the artists work at the Science Museum downtown. The Paragraph travels through the journey of the artist, concluding with an argument that the work of Banerjee should be very much credited. The paragraph starts off with the history and making of the art and then provided and opinion for this art. These use this paragraph to transition from the history to a personal opinion. The problem in this article is that it doesn’t really provide any basis behind the “greatness” of the photos. It is just a case of they liked it. It would be a more persuasive article the author when into further detail of the reasons that the photos where so striking.

Posted by woka0001 at 11:23 AM

Thought Paper 3

Having all the history in our papers can definitely help to convince or persuade later. History adds the strait facts in the paper, which gives credibility to the writer, which will appeal more to the reader. I think it is going to be somewhat hard to merge the history and convincing all together. To really convince though, I believe the writer has to include history of the subject to familiarize the reader with the whole background of the subject.

http://www.unreasonableman.net/2004/02/cloning.html
“Late last year, around 60 national academies of science from around the world called for a global ban on reproductive cloning, but said researchers should be free to experiment, as the Korean team did, with therapeutic cloning.”
“Researchers say there are many reasons why South Koreans -- and not Americans -- were standing at the podium Thursday at the American Association for the Advancement of Science annual meeting in Seattle, not the least of which is the support of the federal government.”

This transitionary paragraph gives recent legal type history of therapeutic cloning and then adds a viewpoint on why history played out the way it did. It also made a conclusion from the history of Americans and Koreans to what is currently happening in both places today and why they are the way they are (government support).

I liked how the writer tied in the history to the controversial side he was arguing. I wish it was structured a little better or flowed better between the two paragraphs. I did not feel like there was enough history behind the author’s argument of government support in this case.

Posted by hohn0011 at 11:23 AM

Thought paper #4

I could use the history I have previously researched and stated in my paper to back up my arguments in the persuasive part of my paper. This will provide enough support to really convince the reader as well as added information that weren’t previously stated.

One example of a transition between history and the argument is:One debate that keeps coming up time and again is the topic of the legalization of marijuana. Marijuana is the most widely used illegal drug. Nearly one in three teenagers have at least tried marijuana by the time they graduate high school. It is also gets the most publicity for its legalization. Over thirty pro-legalization organizations have been displayed on the Internet alone.

The legalization of marijuana, although popular by today's drug culture, would be a very dangerous and detrimental act for the United States to take part in. Not only would it destroy families, but would also lead to the fall of our economy.

They use this transition to tie the history in with the argument they are trying to convince. They use a transition saying that marijuana is a popular drug in today’s times, reinfluencing the fact they stated earlier in the previous paragraph about the statistic of teenagers and how many have tried the drug. Then they go into saying why legalization is the best bet for the united states to do.

The problem I see in that is the feeling is they just jump right into the argument without easing the reader into why they should be convinced. They also don’t do a very good job at starting to convince the reader why, and it looks as if they didn’t research the reasons of the opposing side very well posing a very weak argument on their side.

Posted by kamm0038 at 11:22 AM

Transitions

I think that by expanding the history section to include devices such as ethos, pathos, and logos, it will become a more persuasive paper. For example, after a paragraph about the history of a specific law was passed, I will explain how it supports my thesis. On my other points I am going to expand into tragic stories of animal abuse, which will cause a great deal of emotions in the audience. My paper about animal abuse in the circus should convince the readers using a lot of emotion (pathos) and feeling for the animals. I will also add a persuasive conclusion to drive my points home about how people abuse animals in the circus and immediate action need to take place against animal abuse.
“Performing animals have always been a part of the circus and thus an integral part of American culture for over 200 years and of Eurasian culture for over 2000 years. Yet so many of us know very little about the how performing animals live, how they are trained, and how they are treated by their trainers and handlers. It is no wonder, then, that misinformation about performing circus animals abounds today.”(www.lionden.com/circus5.htm)
This paragraph transitions from the history of animals in the circus to personal beliefs about animals performing in the circus. It lets the reader know that the author is now going to describe what their opinions are and they are going to tell you the ‘truth’ as they see it. It does a good job of not being too direct in telling the reader this though. It’s subtlety does a good job of being a transition without alerting the reader to put up a barrier against the author’s opinion. The next paragraph starts with the author’s opinion.
Actually, I think that a good clincher to this sentence would be the author’s opinion on the topic. Just to let the reader know what the author wants to talk about. It would set the stage a little better. I think the end of this paragraph leaves the reader questioning what the article is going to be about. When writing a persuasive paper, I think it is most effective when the author clearly states their opinion. This allows the reader to look for the supporting arguments of this point of view and decide whether or not they agree.

Posted by lore0193 at 11:19 AM

Thought Paper

The historical information on my topic will provide for solid base arguments. Applying important historical information as a writer allows points to be clearer and more convincing. Statistics and or other history will provide credibility to me, as the writer. My overall knowledge of vaccinations will help me assess possible opposing opinions. By addressing all aspects of my topic, I have the potential to become more persuasive and convincing.
“Despite these problems, anti-viral vaccines have, in some cases, been spectacularly successful (figure 1) leading in one case (smallpox) to the elimination of the disease from the human population. The smallpox vaccine is an example of an attenuated vaccine, although not of the original pathogenic smallpox virus. Another successful vaccine is the polio vaccine, which may lead to the elimination of this disease from the human population in the next few years. This vaccine comes in two forms. The Salk vaccine is a killed vaccine while that developed by Sabin is a live attenuated vaccine. Polio is presently restricted to parts of Africa and south Asia.”
The transitionary paragraph demonstrates the awareness of one side of the topic; to supporting and elaborating of the opposing side. The previous paragraph addresses the dangers and problems of vaccines. The transitionary paragraph acknowledges and rebuts the previous statements. Also, the transitionary paragraph elaborates on supporting arguments to the pro-side of vaccinations. The transitionary paragraph connects the two opposing sides while, supporting the pro-side of the argument.

Posted by angst018 at 11:19 AM

Animal Testing Thought Paper

1. I could use the history that I have already researched to further back up my arguments. It would be substantial evidence that would help to prove my side. I will work off of the history and make points that are a little less arguable so that when people go to dispute it I have hard evidence to back up my argument.

2. Animal studies have a long and distinguished history of validity.[4] They played key roles in demonstrating the hazards of DDT, benzene, vinyl chloride, and the tar found in cigarettes. Rachel Carson's seminal book, Silent Spring, drew its title from observations of the death of songbirds exposed to DDT.[5] About one-third of known human carcinogens were first discovered through animal studies.[6] According to the National Research Council, current animal testing protocols often substantially underestimate human risk.[7]

Critics of animal testing assert that risks in humans from low-dose exposures cannot be extrapolated from animal studies of high-dose exposures. The claim in mode that: "At high enough doses, everything causes cancer." This is simply not true. Most industrial chemicals don't cause cancer, even at very high doses. Studies by the National Cancer Institute, the National Toxicology Program, and other researchers indicate that only 5 to 10 percent of the 85,000 man-made chemicals currently in use cause cancer,[8]

3. They use this to transition between purposes because they say yes they have played a key role giving credit to those animals that were used already to help out our society. However, at the same time in the next paragraph they say how now with the better research they are finding that some of the information found from animals just isn’t true. To me it lets me know that yes they did help in the past but now some of the results are just not correct and could be obtained in different ways w/out animals.

4. The problem I do see is that they should transition a little different. What they have works but it could be better. They should have given an example of a test that hadn’t worked. They could then proceed to say how now we have alternatives for this procedure and animals are no longer needed and more accurate results are obtained w/out them.


Posted by burg0199 at 11:19 AM

article assignemnt

When writing my paper, I am going to have to find a way to transition from the history part of my paper to the argument part of my paper. I think that it will help that, even though I have remained neutral throughout the history part, I have also discussed each side of the argument and outlined the arguments. Because the sides have already been discussed, transitioning to the actual argument that I agree with should not be hard. This transition paragraph would sum up my history and introduce my, personal side of the argument for my topic.
I found an example of a transition paragraph online. The article was on gun control and talks about death statistics involving guns. This is the paragraph I found:
“The 5,732 includes at least two categories of death that do not clearly belong because they do not clearly support MMM's anti-gun arguments. That is to say, MMM's use of death statistics coupled with calls for legislative control as a "solution" unmistakably implies that the cited deaths could have been prevented by gun control. It is misleading, therefore, to include deaths that would probably have occurred whether gun laws and, in some cases, whether guns themselves -- were present.”
The beginning of the paragraph took a statistic that was mentioned earlier and lead into their argument about why death statistics in general can be misleading. Before this paragraph, the general information was history or statistics and after this paragraph, the author explains their argument.
I think that this transition paragraph in general was well done because it seems to flow easily. The history flows nicely from the history and statistical aspect to the arguments made by the author. However, it seems as though there could have been more of a summary of the historical events or other statistics. Although, the article is small, so there isn’t much to summarize as compared to in our papers where we will cover 8 pages of history so a longer summary will be needed.
http://www.ifeminists.net/introduction/editorials/2004/0303.html

Posted by pist0014 at 11:18 AM

Thought Paper

Thought Paper

I think that one way that we can connect our history paper and convincing paper is that we can use the history to show facts that will help in the convincing part. If I tell you something no matter what it really is if I don’t have facts to back it up there really is no reason for you to believe me at all. Therefore, with the history part going first you show the history and include facts for the reader to have a better understanding and when you convince they know many facts. Finally, with the history of both sides of your topic being before your convincing part you will let the reader know a little about both sides before you convince.
Pasteurized, homogenized cow's milk has been promoted as the perfect food for humans, especially for our children. This multi-generational advertising campaign has been so successful that the industry has a $multi-million advertising budget and a legislative lobbying influence in congress so powerful that every child in a public school receives a pint of milk each day -- whether he or she can pay for it or not. In 1999 the Department of Agriculture donated $200 million to America's dairy farmers despite the fact that the wholesale price for milk had reached the highest levels in history. www.mercola.com/2000/feb/27/no_milk.htm

I chose this paragraph for a transitionary paragraph because I feel that is had information, date or history, and also it is starting to try and get you to be convinced. The writer talks about, how milk is thought of as a perfect food and everyone is promoted to drink milk. Then goes into how much money is put into advertising and then how mch is given back to the dairy farmers.
I feel that they uses this section very well as a transition. This is because they start by talking about how everyone thinks that milk is good for you and most people do but by the end they are starting to convince you that milk really isn’t such good thing. They try to get you to believe that milk is kind of forced on kids and that it is just a costly product.
I see many problems with this article. One problem that I see has to do with the money that is given back to the dairy farmers. The way it is stated in the paragraph it makes it sound like the farmers are making tons of money now that milk prices in the stores are so high and then there is an additional $200 million going to the farmers after that. This may be all true but not all the facts are there. Milk might cost more then ever in the store but the farmers are not receiving all that money. In fact, up until last year my parents were making less money per gallon of milk then when they started milking 25 years ago. This is a big problem in this article because they might have facts but they don’t have them all.

Posted by sext0066 at 11:18 AM

transition paragraph

Going from history to convincing, how is that possible? History consisted of the general topic, and now it’s time to move on to the convincing. This can be done by a transition paragraph. The paragraph would summarize the history and introduce the new paragraph of your convincing.

Soybeans are one of the crops that are being genetically modified. Since 1997 GMO soybeans are being used in an increasing number of products. There's a lot of controversy around GMO soybeans. However, GMO soybeans have never caused any harm to people. The possible negative aspects of GMO are more of environmental and economic nature: dependence of farmers on a few multinationals and contamination of wild plants.
http://www.soya.be/history-of-soybeans.php

It summarizes up that soybeans are being genetically modified and introduced some concerns people are have about consuming the product. The transition paragraph was used to make the paper move smoothly and not just jump into a new topic without knowing where it was coming from. They could have summarized more, instead of telling more of the history while introducing the controversies.

Posted by sull0384 at 11:16 AM

Controversy

1. One can connect history papers and convincing papers. To do this, they must side with one side of the controversy. They can argue about their side, which should be represented by history. To do this, the person must develop good reasoning along with having facts.
2. By the early 1940s, human clinical investigation strongly indicated that asbestos caused cancer. However, animal studies repeatedly failed to demonstrate this, and proper workplace precautions were not instituted in the U.S. until decades later. Similarly, human population studies have shown a clear risk from exposure to low-level ionizing radiation from diagnostic X-rays and nuclear wastes, but contradictory animal studies have stalled proper warnings and regulations. Likewise, while the connection between alcohol consumption and cirrhosis is indisputable in humans, repeated efforts to produce cirrhosis by excessive alcohol ingestion have failed in all nonhuman animals except baboons, and even the baboon data is inconsistent.
3. They use this section to relate history with their argument. They set up what happened on a previous date and the discuss it. They prove why it is invalid based on other history. Thus, they argue their point.
4. There are a few problems that I can see. One would be that no everyone thinks the same way, therefore, the controversy might not affect everyone the same. Another would be that some history could be made up to help out with their arguments. Overall, the idea of people not agreeing is what makes the idea in questions a controversy.

Posted by rohd0038 at 11:16 AM

Thought Paper on Transitionary Paragraphs

I think it is important to make the connection of history to convincing smooth and very transitional. Maybe towards the end of the history section, you could start to blend the two forms of writing together. There will need to be a transition from one section to the other.
Example: “It is known that abuse against animals is sometimes a precursor to even more serious violence, including child abuse and domestic violence. People continue to mistreat children, other adults, and animals in a way that harms all of society. Unfortunately, we cannot save all animals that become abused, nor is it even appropriate in some circumstances. We would like to point out however, that focusing on the human beings responsible for the torture, ongoing fighting and abuse of these animals is very appropriate. Continuing to allow the torture and mistreatment of these animals within our communities sends a very wrong message to those individuals responsible for this activity. It allows the seeds of violence and disrespect for life to grow into even more violent activities.”
This paragraph comes in between 2 paragraphs. The one before it describes treatment of animals and how they become vicious. Then during this paragraph they openly start stating their position on the issue of dogfights after a brief continuation of the history section. They go on to explain their position, attempting to convince the reader that their views are justified.
I think that the previous paragraphs are a bit too opinionated and seem like they are making too strong of arguments too early in the paper. The facts they point out however, are valid and would make an impression on someone reading this.

Posted by knol0041 at 11:16 AM

opinion article transition

1. I feel that the best way to tie in the history of the topic with the opinion part is to simply transition from one to the other. I would like to do this by talking about the history of why people are against gay marriage, then the history why they are for it, and finally why I agree with the idea of legalizing gay marriage. I feel that this sequence would be most successful when describing the topic and transitioning over to my opinion. However, there may be points in the paper where I would have to interrupt the history part in order to make a point why I feel it is wrong. This may not be necessary but the opportunity may come up where I'll want to interrupt and make a valid point for my argument.

2. http://www.thebatt.com/news/2004/02/03/Opinion/SameSex.Marriage.Amendment.Needless-595502.shtml

States are already handling gay marriage according to the wishes of their constituents, which is a much more effective way of dealing with a diverse population subject to changing opinions. Most states forbid same-sex marriage, according to USA Today, which makes a change to the Constitution superfluous.

By leaving the matter under state jurisdiction, Bush and Congress allow regional differences to shape legislation in a more accurate reflection of the will of the people. While 37 states have laws against same sex marriage and Alaska, California, Nebraska and Nevada prohibit it in their constitutions, many of the legal rights granted to married couples are bestowed on same-sex couples in New Jersey, Hawaii and California.

3. This part of the article starts by talking about how states are already handling the topic individually. The transition goes from that thought to actually talking about certain states and what position they have on the topic of same-sex marriage. It also does a good job by giving examples as to certain states and their position on the issue.

4. As with most online articles, transitions are usually hard to notice or they are very weak when used. I had a hard time finding a transition in this article but the paragraphs do seem to relate somewhat so I fealt it was a good enough example of a transition from one thought into more details on that thought in the next paragraph. Obviously when going into a paper form that has multiple pages, structure and transitions will be much more noticable in comparrison to an online article. Articles online may only be a page or two at the most so all of their ideas need to be brief and to the point. This is the main problem with online articles in general. They just don't have proper structure to them. They lack intros and conclusions sometimes and paragraph structure is usually thrown out the window.

Posted by fris0084 at 11:15 AM

though paper

I think when you write the convincing paper more pathos will be used a lot more. You will be able to use specific examples of situations that are pro or con for your topic. You can connect them by pulling out information from the informative paper and comparing it to, or using it to back up the reasons behind what you are trying to say. It will be easier to just go over your arguments and why and not have to put the history of the topic in there because you have already done so. They are the same topic they should definitely relate.
The source I found is one of my sources. First the writer goes over a brief history of controversial artists. Then she uses this transition paragraph to go into the controversies of art. “There are countless other controversial figures populating the art world of the 20th century, who have shocked the public and had censors champing at their bits, but, in noting some of the contributions of these key players whose work has become so familiar, we can appreciate the soothing effects of time. Furthermore we are able to see that the controversies of recent years continue in a well-established tradition, where current artists hope to add their names to an illustrious list of forerunners.” (http://www.csa.com/hottopics/art/overview.html) This paragraph sums up what she wrote in the first part of the paper and she talks about a well-established tradition, which she goes on to write about in the second part of her piece.
The problem that I see is having enough of my own writing to fill in between the examples of controversies. I know I will be able to find enough examples for the later controversies but I might have trouble finding some for the earlier ones on Cubism and Fauvism. I don’t think I will have trouble with Pop art or Jackson Pollack. I am so glad I changed my topic because I would have had a really hard time finding that much information on my old topic.

Posted by head0046 at 11:13 AM

Thought Paper (4)

Here are the questions:

  1. How can you connect your history/informative paper to your upcoming convincing papers?

  2. Find me an example of a transitionary paragraph in a position paper (online).

  3. Why/how do they use this section to transition between purposes?

  4. What are problems that you see?

Posted by tsch0070 at 10:52 AM

blog

I found it hard to make the page requirement also. It was hard to reword and merge the two sides together, make everything flow, eliminate "to be" verbs and make sure it was long enough. I got to like 7.5 pages so i hope that will be ok. Otherwize, yeah it definitly sucks trudging through snow all winter make sure to get good boots and pants you dont mind getting full of wet dirty salty snow up to your shins! lovely

Posted by hohn0011 at 10:51 AM

Our papers

I was having a very hard time writting my second paper and then I thought I would do a little more research to see if that helped. It did I found a lot more information and it has helped me with the history part too.

Posted by sext0066 at 10:44 AM

Writing

I can connect my history with my upcoming convincing papers because my history is coming from both sides of the same-sex marriage issue. I have about equal amounts of history for same-sex marriages as I do for going against same-sex marriages. I actually found it easier to find issues against same-sex marriages rather than being for the issue. The history that I reached was convincing to me and I found some of the research topics easy to read. I actually had a hard time finding information on different types of issues that did not keep repeating what others had to say. I think a lot of the history will connect to the convincing paper fairly well because of the history being credible.
On the website titled, “Same Sex Marriages Just Say "No" to Prohibition,” by Doctor Susan Block, I found a trasitionary paragraph relating to my topic. The transitionary paragraph is “Of course, there are happier, "gayer" reasons not to prohibit same-sex marriage, like the radiant newlyweds of San Francisco's "Winter of Love." That historic moment, when a courageous mayor gave the right to marry to people who love people of the same sex, ignited acts of romantic civil disobedience reminiscent of Rosa Parks and the Greensboro sit-ins. The comparison isn't perfect. You can't hide your skin color, while you can closet your sexual orientation. Yet there are parallels. Slaves couldn't marry. After emancipation, most states outlawed interracial marriage. Racists called for Constitutional Amendments prohibiting black-white marriage with the same sanctimony the anti-same-sex-marriage set utilizes today.”
In this paragraph, she relates same-sex marriages with racism from the past and an experience of the sit-ins. She also makes the comparison of not being able to hide your skin color to not closeting “your sexual orientation.” She also made the point that slaves weren’t allowed to marry but mentions about the emancipation. Then again she relates her topic with history again with no allowing black and whites to engage in marriage to today’s issue of not allowing same-sex marriages.
A problem I saw was maybe she kept going back and forth from the history to the issue that she was supporting. I also saw that she only supported being for same-sex marriages. She did mention a couple statements about what she was brought up to believe but didn’t really give a fair amount of history on each side.

Posted by ewal0032 at 10:44 AM

The Weather

It has gotten so cold out side the only reason I like this is so that for the first time my dorm room might be cool instead of hot. Other then that I really dont want it to get cold out.

Posted by sext0066 at 10:42 AM

weather

We have a huge change in the temperature over the last few days. I'm excited becasue then i get to wear my sweaters but i'm really not looking forward to going to all of my classes when it gets even colder. has anyone figured any tunnels yet? I hope they are not too confusing.

Posted by head0046 at 10:36 AM

Paper 2

I found it a lot harder to fulfill the page requirements for this paper, so many sources seem to repeat one another. It's frustrating having to look so long for new information.

Posted by knol0041 at 10:32 AM

October 14, 2004

I hope everyone's paper is going well... I'm kinda stuck in a little writer's block, so I figured I would see how everyone else is doing. It's to the point that I've read my paper too many times in a row. A little break will do me good.

Posted by lore0193 at 8:04 PM

October 13, 2004

paper 2

Just to make sure I do this right...we turn in 4 pages or 8 pages total on Friday? Thanks!

Posted by angst018 at 5:45 PM

Inform 2

My paper is doing ok. Did we find out about MNCAT on Monday because I missed class and I was wondering if I could get the notes from someone from Monday. I'll be asking around. Thanks.

Posted by ewal0032 at 9:50 AM

October 12, 2004

blogging

So I am really behind on blogging and need to write some more. How is everyone's paper going? Mine is alright, I am having trouble finding academic sources b/c my computer doesn't want to open the MNCAT page, which i think would be a great resouce if it worked. Hope everyone has a good day.

Posted by head0046 at 3:30 PM

October 11, 2004

Paper

Is everyone's history kind of the same and a little different areas? Or is it all different, because I see mine kind of having some relations.

Posted by ewal0032 at 4:35 PM

October 10, 2004

paper

has anyone gotten their paper back yet?

Posted by rohd0038 at 7:10 PM

new topic

After writing my first paper i deceded to change topics. I was having trouble finding sources. I have changed my topic to censorship of modern art. i am taking the side of con-not to censor art, and am having trouble finding ideas for the pro side. Any ideas or where to find source for them?

Posted by head0046 at 3:30 PM

October 9, 2004

Con Side of My Paper

I posted an entry before saying that I was having a hard time finding cons for my paper...but I didnt say what my paper was on! Anyways I am writing on Chronic Wasting Disease and my belief that it is still safe to hunt. So I don't know exactly what to say for the opposite side against hunting. I'd really like any ideas you guys have! :)

Posted by firn0004 at 8:06 PM

October 8, 2004

Breast Implants

I found the CNN article to be a well-written, compact, and to the point article. I found it easy to understand with the statistical information provided. I also thought the quotes from patients with their opinions gave me more insight into the topic. The article states the health issues that may occur due to breast implants. The article gives brief and general information on the actual procudure and provides the historical stats of the surgery. The author mainly delivered a message against the use of implants. The author could have given more reasonings supporting why the huge increase of breast implants has occurred.

Posted by angst018 at 11:42 AM

fat taxes

Ok, so my family and I were disscussing the use of fat taxes. What do you think about them? Is it good for America to be taxed on things such as fast food, and fatting things? I think so. America is not a healthy country. We eat too much and it is time that something is done about it. What do you think?

Posted by lith0004 at 11:29 AM

URL

After reading CNN’s article on breast implants I wasn’t extremly impressed with the writing. I understood it well though. Now talking in class about the verb form “to be,” I noticed it was used quite often in this article. I believe the quote from Michelle Pitts was useless in the article because it really didn’t support anything.
I believe the topic of “Breast implant operations increase, despite controversy” at the present time more women are getting breast implants and they are not satisfied with the implants. Many women are complaining about getting health problems from the implants and finding the easy way out they are suing the company Dow. Even though more and more women are complaining about the implants, more and more are undergoing the surgeries.
The point of the article is many women are getting breast implants and less are satisfied. The women turn to suing the company, because of the complaint of health problems. Despite all of the unsatisfactory results 275 percent more women are getting implants. Another point to me feels that they are almost introducing and advertising the saline implants.
I believe they could have improved on the quotes of the women undergoing the surgeries. Another problem I had was the switching on topics. First they announced that more women are getting breast implants and more are complaining. Next they talk about the lawsuits between the surgeons and customers. Finally they talk about the new saline implants. I think they should have focused on one topic other the switching around.

Posted by ewal0032 at 11:28 AM

breast implants

1. I believe that this is good writing because the author didn’t impose his/her opinion on the matter. The author realizes that the controversy is there, but left it open to interpretation. This makes for an unbiased article because the author doesn’t side one way or the other. It just simply states the facts about what is going on.
2. The author makes a link to women still wanting implants after so many people today disagree with the health risk factors. The article states that there has been a “275 percent increase since the operations in 1992.” However, “thousands of women who claim they suffered health problems due to implants sued Dow Corning Corp.” This means that the women who are getting these implants are ignoring the risk factors involved. It seems as if these women have to try out breast implants for them to see if they will give them trouble with their health.
3. The point of this article is to inform the audience of the current state on how implants are being reviewed. It shows that women are still risking their health in order to improve their body image.
4. To improve this article, I feel that the author could put more facts about people who were happy with their breast implants. That would provide for a more unbiased article. The author could have also explained all of the risks that a woman undergoes when she decides to get the implants.

Posted by rohd0038 at 11:28 AM

Thought Paper 3

1. I believe that this is an example of good writing. The purpose of the article is to inform, and not to argue for anything. This article does a good job of that. It stays unbiased and presents information for both sides of the issue. Also, the article has many various topics, and it usually does a good job of transitioning between them.
2. This Article was about women getting breast implants. It was about how women used to be against breast implants because of the health problems they cause. It also says that now implants are safer and fewer women are questioning them.
3. The point of this article is to inform the reader about breast implants. It informs the reader that many people are against breast implants because many women have suffered health injuries from the implants. It also informs the reader that there is not a link between breast implants and health problems. The article then informs the reader of the huge increase in the number of breast implants in the last few years.
4. This article has some areas where I believe it needs improvement. First, there are a couple of paragraphs that don’t have a good transition between the topics. This occurs where the article talks about saline implants being safe. The next paragraph starts talking about a typical woman who gets implants. There is no clear transition between these two topics. Also, there wasn’t enough background information. The beginning of the article confused me because I didn’t know what the article was talking about.

Posted by spart022 at 11:27 AM

What are your thoughts?

After reading this article I thought about it and relized that I know some people that have had implants done and I wonder if they regret it at all. Do you know anyone that has had implants? Do they wish they wouldn't have done it? HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND!

Posted by sext0066 at 11:26 AM

Breast implant

This article was good in that is had a lot of facts and statistic about implants. It also had a lot of quotes form doctors and a patient. The two doctors were: Dr. rod Hester a plastic surgeon and Dr. Leroy Young of Washington University Medical Center. The patient by the name of Pitts, was a lady who stated her point of getting implants.
The topic was of the growing amount to implants preformed today, “…275 percent increase in the operations since 1992.”Also, the unknown side effect of getting implants; whether implants do lead or cause illnesses. Also, Changes the material used in implants from silicone to saline.
The point of the article is show awareness to the public and women who are thinking about getting implants that even though saline is safer then silicone, there is chances of side effect later down the road.
The article’s author could have improved on getting each side of the story instead of looking at mostly negatives of implants.

Posted by sull0384 at 11:26 AM

breast implants

Overall the article was well written as far a gramatical erors, and punctuation. The thesis was well stated in the first paragraph of the article, " Women are getting breast implants in record numbers, despite the negative publicity the surgery recieved in recent years." Dow Coming Corp was was sued for performing surgery that hurt 170,000 women. Cylicone implants have had a recent history of causing damage to users. The article briefly summarized some issues with the surgery, and explained that women will still use this surgery to achieve "beauty." The point of this artilce is to inform women the cost of such surgery. It is something that many women are doing and will continue to do, but is it worth it? The article briefly disscusses the risks of such surgery. This perticular article should have had more information about the diseases. In the second paragraph certain diseases were mentioned, but not described. As a non medical reader, lack of discription results in lack of informed knowlege.

Posted by lith0004 at 11:26 AM

History

Since I am actually doing my first paper now with the history and not the arguements I was wondering how everyone else was doing their history. Eight pages seems like a REALLY long history. So have you been doing the general history, then one side's history and then the other side's?? Does that make sense to do my paper like that? Let me know what you think and have a great weekend!

Posted by firn0004 at 11:25 AM

Regulation on Pollution in the US

I'm trying to figure out some points of why you wouldn't want to regulate the pollution in the US. I so far have thought up: the cost of legal issues, costly to regulate companies, the amount of legal action that needs to be taken and whether or not regulation may be effective or not. Does anyone have anymore ideas to what I can write about for my other side?

Posted by kamm0038 at 11:25 AM

Breast Implants- Thought Paper #3

I think that the article seemed to flow very well, however it seemed to lack certain sustenance in information. It generally just asked the question why there has been such a drastic increase in breast implants in the last ten years. I think the article was good; it made you really wonder why all this surgeries are occurring. However, I didn't like that the article provided no reason for this dramatic increase, it simply said that it occurred. The article was based on this increase in breast implant surgery it also opted to focus on the concern surrounding the surgery. There were significant examples of health problems and worries over the silicon implant wearing out with age. The article concluded with a women’s personal reasons for getting breast implants, and it being or some sort of personal confidence enhancement. I think the point of the article is simply to convey awareness in the rapid amount of implant surgeries that are occurring. Also to provide some of the main health restrictions of the surgery. I think this article could gain strength by the writer including more information on the relative health effects of the surgery. I would also be more compelled to read the article if the writer offered some reason for this national increase in breast implants. It seemed that the article simply stated that the increase has occurred. I think it would be really interesting if the writer came up with some reasons that for the surgery if it be American culture, or globalize images of the perfect body or some other justification.

Posted by woka0001 at 11:24 AM

implant article

This article had good information in it and didn’t waste space on unimportant material un-needed for readers to get the point of the article. I liked that it was very ‘to the point’ because I felt it made the point of the article clearer. The grammar and mechanics seemed appropriate as well. It had quotes from doctors and patients on the issue, which was good because then we as readers can hear what people that have had experience in the matter discussed have to say. The quotes increased the credibility of the writer.
The article contained information about the current debate over the safety of breast implants. Silicon implants had known risks, so a new form of implant was developed from a saline solution. Although risks even with the saline have become evident, there seems to be more and more women wanting to get the implants. There was even a very large lawsuit that cost the company Dow Corning Corp. $3.2 billion.
The point of this article seemed to be to inform readers of the history of breast implants and the risks associated with both old and new methods. It also pointed out that despite these risks being known to the public, there is a boom of women rushing to get the procedure done. One doctor pointed out that about ten years ago he used to perform about 2 augmentations for every 50 removals of implants. Currently it is the other way around. Another point to the article was an attempt to have readers sees things from the side of women who go through with the surgery despite the risk. To reflect this side they interviewed a woman who wants the implants.
Although I think the article was well written I think that sometimes transitions from one point to the other was rather abrupt and better transitions could be used. Sometimes it made the article’s flow sway.

Posted by knol0041 at 11:24 AM

Implant Boom

Implant Boom ~ Katie Sexton

After reading the article from CNN I know more about implant. The article was done in a way that everyone can understand. This is one reason that I feel the article was written very well. I found this article very easy to read and it was an up to date article that also had information from the past. It was very interesting to read and it had personal stories in it, which makes me feel connected.
The article is basically talking about how in 1993 there were some implants put in but not very many and now there are more implant put in then ever before. Also that these implants that are being put in when they may be the cause of some health problems. It also says a little about why women feel the need to get implants put in.
I feel that the point of the article is to let people know that just because many people are getting implants doesn’t mean that they are safe. It also shares how much money a company had to pay because they were sued by thousands of women that claim the their implants caused them to become ill. The final point that the article made was why women get implants. I think they added this to allow those who just don’t understand why you would ever do something like this to better understand what women are thinking.
I think that one thing that the writer should add to this article is how much it cost to get the implants. It was shared how much the company had to pay the women for their bad health claim but it never said how much it cost to get the surgery done. I also would have liked to know when the first implants were put in. I would like to know this so better understand why some of the health problems have not been looked at. Other then that I thought the article was very well written and that it was easy to understand.

Posted by sext0066 at 11:24 AM

8 pages

I'm having trouble getting eight pages of history with an even balance of both sides. Is anyone else having this trouble? When I try to search for more info. I keep finding slanted opinions, which I'm afraid to put into my paper right now. I feel like I now every article on google about my topic :-).

Posted by lore0193 at 11:23 AM

Oops

It is really good to hear that I am not the only person that did their paper wrong. Wow I skipped right to the 3rd paper we were supposed to be writing! Now that I am also looking for info for the other side I can totally relate to problem too of finding point. My paper is something that I am passionate about since it is pretty personal, so I am having a hard time looking at other arguements and giving them alot of thought. I guess I will just have to keep on looking : - )

Posted by firn0004 at 11:22 AM

article

1. I think that this article is good writing. The article is all grammatically correct from what I can tell. Also, it is informative. The author talks about some history and the change in trends with the number of women who are getting breast implants these days. The “safe” alternative of receiving a silicone implant instead of a saline implant was also discussed. Current controversies, for example the court cases, were also mentioned and gave more background on current issues. The author also showed both sides of the issue and quoted both a doctor and a woman who wanted to receive implants.
2. The article speaks about the controversy of getting breast implants. Compared to the past, more and more women are getting breast implants even though some women blame breast implants to cause certain diseases. Although, researchers have yet to discover whether the breast implants are the true cause of these diseases.
3. In general, I think that the point of the article was to inform. However, it does seem as though the author may have had a bias with their opinion. At the end of the article, the author mentions that “safety remains unresolved” and I think that the author’s goal is to address the safety of the controversy. Most of the article is focused on the bad side of the implants. The author discusses how implants are questioned with whether they cause disease, lawsuits have been filed against them, and they can have many harmful affects. The author never addressed any positive aspects of breast implants, leading me to believe that their goal was more to convince that implants were bad.
4. I think that the author could have improved the article by talking more about the other side. Maybe they could have discussed how breast implants can improve a persons self-esteem or have quoted someone who’s life has improved from breast implants.

Posted by pist0014 at 11:22 AM

thought paper

Thought Paper
Kristin Head

This piece didn’t strike me as particularly good writing. It wasn’t bad; it just didn’t scream good writing. I really don’t like the paragraph structure of the piece. Some paragraphs are only one sentence long and then it moves on to the next topic and paragraph. Some could be combined, or more details added to better support the paragraph. One sentence says that the FDA “practically banned the use of …” The use of the word practically is weak and is not backed up further to make it a stronger argument, or a source of information. The writer employs the use of pathos when he quotes Michelle Pitts.
The article was about how the numbers of breast implants are on the rise despite the facts about how unhealthy they are. It discusses lawsuits from women with implants and what medical problems the implant have been linked to. It gives a personal account of a woman who is about to get breast implants.
I think the point of the article is that even thought history has shown that implants cause problems for the women who get them; many women are still having the procedure done. It is a mostly informative piece, although it does give a personal account from a woman who is about to get implants.
As I stated earlier I think the paragraph structure could be improved. More transitions are needed. Everything that is in the article is relevant but could be related better. It could be more specific and detailed, with the lawsuit and I didn’t really understand the doctor’s quote. The quote needs to be sandwiched. There is some passive voice used.

Posted by head0046 at 11:21 AM

Thought Paper 3

I personally did not like this article. I found every time I ran into an informative paragraph it would end. There was not enough statistics or information put in to back up any point the article was trying to make.

The topic in the article was breast implants. The article was a brief view on how breast implants are becoming increasingly popular even though the risks of implants are not fully known. The article gave little information on the legal issues, emotional issues, and health issues breast implants come with.

I guess the point of this article is to inform the public that there is a craze over breast implants, even though they haven’t been fully approved to be safe health wise. It shows two sides of a controversy in a way by showing how breast implants could be beneficial to the patient, but how implants could still be unsafe to the patient.

The author could have put a lot more information in this article. The first place I stopped was the first paragraph. Instead of saying many women today are getting implants, I would rather see the statistics; who are these women, what age range are the women, and what kind of breast implants are they getting? The next part that really bothered me was the Dow Corning Corp; who are they, when was anything ever explained about that corporation? I wish the author explained more about why the corporation was sued, and what they actually did wrong. Maybe they could have added information about other corporations in the same field of work, and what those companies think about this Dow Corning Corp.’s mistakes. All this article gave me was many unanswered questions. It seemed like it was written to tell the reader what they already know from everyday life and it could contain a lot more facts.

Posted by hohn0011 at 11:21 AM

Thought Paper 3

I personally did not like this article. I found every time I ran into an informative paragraph it would end. There was not enough statistics or information put in to back up any point the article was trying to make.

The topic in the article was breast implants. The article was a brief view on how breast implants are becoming increasingly popular even though the risks of implants are not fully known. The article gave little information on the legal issues, emotional issues, and health issues breast implants come with.

I guess the point of this article is to inform the public that there is a craze over breast implants, even though they haven’t been fully approved to be safe health wise. It shows two sides of a controversy in a way by showing how breast implants could be beneficial to the patient, but how implants could still be unsafe to the patient.

The author could have put a lot more information in this article. The first place I stopped was the first paragraph. Instead of saying many women today are getting implants, I would rather see the statistics; who are these women, what age range are the women, and what kind of breast implants are they getting? The next part that really bothered me was the Dow Corning Corp; who are they, when was anything ever explained about that corporation? I wish the author explained more about why the corporation was sued, and what they actually did wrong. Maybe they could have added information about other corporations in the same field of work, and what those companies think about this Dow Corning Corp.’s mistakes. All this article gave me was many unanswered questions. It seemed like it was written to tell the reader what they already know from everyday life and it could contain a lot more facts.

Posted by hohn0011 at 11:21 AM

Breast Implantations

Breast Implantations: Why are they bad for our health?

Yes, I feel this is a good example of good writing. The article was very good at presenting the health problems and risks of getting implants. This was supported well with facts and figures of breast implants. However, it presented the “other side” of the reasons why a woman may get breast implants very weakly. And was mostly supported with opinions or enthymemes.

The article brings up the controversy of breast implants. Some people think they’re good and others think they are a risk to our health. This article mainly focused on the side where breast implants are bad for your health. It said there is a dramatic increase of the amount of woman getting breast implants. They state that breast implants now a days are better then they were in the 1992-1993 ranges.

The point of the article is basically to inform. It presents the case of why breast implants are bad for your health and the author ends the article that leads us to question whether or not the safety is resolved with breast implants.

The article I feel has a bias towards the side that breast implants are bad for you, but they aren’t trying to convince anything. They are just supporting that side better then the opposing side. I believe the author needs to work on presenting and supporting both sides equally well. The author needs to explain more reasons why women are getting implants or positive aspects of getting the implants.

Posted by kamm0038 at 11:20 AM

implant article

1. Yes and no. I feel that the article follows the format of most online articles but I feel that most online articles lack structure and transitions. The article hits the main points but lacks on details and transitions. It seems like the author was just trying to state the main points in as short of an article as possible.

2. This article talks about breast implants and how science has shown the side-effects but women demand them more and more each year. Silicone based implants have been baned now due to health risks and saline implants have replaced them. However, saline implants have a greater tendency to leak but are much more safe health-wise. The artical mentions that a settlement was reached between Dow Corning Corporation and the 170000 women who received the implants.

3. The main idea behind the article shows that women are still willing to have the implants put in despite the risks that come with implants. Implant operations have increased 275% between 1992 and 1998 when the article was published. The author also points out that the research behind the safety of the implants is still going on but from what is known, the saline implants appear to be a good substitute for the silicone-based implants.

4. I feel that the author could have done a much better job linking ideas together but this is what most online articles look like. Online articles in general would have to change their format all together in order for proper transitions or more details to be talked about. The article is too short and lacks supporting information that would make the article stronger. I think more examples of what happens to women with silicone-based implants would strengthen the case against implant safety. I also think that the same can be done for saline-based implants where there should be examples to support whether the implants are safe or if there have been reports of health risks for the newer implants. The bottom line is that the article sounds like something any student could write with minimal research and basic writing skills. Examples of real-world stories or cases always make an article stronger and it's what I would want to hear if I'm going to read an article on this subject.

Posted by fris0084 at 11:20 AM

Implant Article

1). Yes I feel this is good writing. The article was there for anyone to read. You didn’t have to have prior knowledge of the subject and there weren’t any huge scientific terms that you needed to know. It was written to inform the general public and that’s what it did. It gave facts and statistics as well as personal quotes and experiences.

2) The topic was breast implants. It was talking about the dramatic increase in the amount of women who wanted them in the past few years. It was saying there is no link between health problems and silicone implants but that 170,000 women were suing the Dow Corning Corp. for $3.2 billion. In 1992 Silicone implants were almost banned because of health concerns. That however did not stop women from getting implants. Since silicone is almost out of the question saline filled implants are used. They then have a few comments by doctors about the safety and a short story of a woman who decided to get them for herself.

3) The purpose of the article is to inform the public of the current state of breast implants. It tells us(the public) that there has been an increase and that while women may still be concerned about their health they are willing to get the implants. They want us to know that they don’t do it for someone but for themselves so that they have a better self image.

4) This writer cold improve by going into a little more detail about what problems have occurred and what women actually think about the problems and why they choose to get the implants despite the possible health risks. How many of these women actually experience problems etc… Also talk to a few more women and put there quotes on there so we are just not present with facts but opinions and experiences from women that have already done it. Also talk to ones that have had bad experiences as well as good ones to help in the decision of to weather it is right for someone or not and if they are willing to take the risk.

Posted by burg0199 at 11:18 AM

Breast Implants

I think that this is a good type piece of writing. It is relatively choppy, however that is how people usually write news articles. The point of the article is just to get the main ideas across. The author states her main idea that breast implants are still experimental in a way, but there are no major side effects. She then gives examples of people who have had health issues, peope who want breast plants, and doctors who have had experience with different side effects. There are several transition words that keep good flow throughout the article and there is a nice introduction and conclusion.
This article is a general article about the popularity of breast plants. Many women want to get them now and many women are curious about the side effects. There is no strong connection between breast implants and other health disorders, but the Institute of Medicine is reserving their opinion about the safety of breast implants until further research is done. I think that this article wants to get across to women that breast implants are still experimental. There have been lawsuits of women claiming health issues after having the implants, which recently reached a new high. Therefore women should take precaution before deciding to have the surgery.
This article gets the job done of getting their views about breast implants across to the audience. However, the style is quite choppy and short. Maybe if they expanded on the quotes they have, things would be more clear. For example, there is a quote about wanting to get more research done which is its own paragraph. The article doesn’t expand, it only goes on to conclude that breast implants are still experimental. There isn’t really a flow of this article, which doesn’t make it the easiest thing to read. However, I think for what it is, it does its job very well. All the major newspapers are also very choppy. It’s just how news is written. If this were a formal paper, it would have to be expanded and made more fluent.

Posted by lore0193 at 11:18 AM

Breast Implants

I believe that this is a good writing. The article was well written and very decisive. Since it was written for a news story the facts are presented in an organized form, which is the way I like to read stories like this. Instead of being filled with varying opinions and points of view, which tend to clog a paper. This article simply said this is what is happening and these are the risks now make your own informed decision. There was also another aspect of the paper I liked. I like the fact that while they were maintaining a level of professionalism, the writer managed to put a human face on the breast implant debate. In the article he showed a typical breast implant candidate. This helped me to realize that there are real people around the world dealing with this issue and that there is a reason for me to care.
The article was based on the long-standing debate over breast implants. The number of women having breast augmentation is at an all time high. With this increase in surgeries it is imperative that one looks at the risks associated. In the early stages of breast augmentation silicon gel implants were used, however they are virtually banned in the US. Women are now using saline filled implants, which may carry less serious health implications, have a high risk of leakage over time. Essentially there are still a number of health and safety questions that need to be answered; meanwhile more and more women are going under the knife in the quest for perfection.
The purpose of this article was to inform women and the rest of the general public of the risks associated with this beauty treatment. It was not to scare people, but to inform them that while breast implants are popular there are still several questions that remain unanswered.
This article could be improved by a few minor changes. The author mentioned several diseases that were thought to be linked to breast implants. The diseases were named but not explained in any way. A description of what each disease was and why it could be linked to breast implants would be a significant improvement.

Posted by firn0004 at 11:17 AM

Thought Paper #3

Here is URL for the thought-paper today: http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/9807/08/implant.boom/index.html

Here are the questions:
1. Is this good writing?
2. Summarize the topic.
3. What is the point of this article (its purpose)?
4. Where could this writer improve?

Posted by tsch0070 at 11:02 AM

Points for Animal Testing

Some good points for animal testing are there are no real alternatives to testing new science technologies in health or anything than testing on animals. We cant test on humans and have no way, right now, to just produce all the different kinds of human tissues that would need to be tested on daily. There are rules all animal testing has to follow, and the animals are cared for and accomadated well. Check out the history of how animal testing has helped humans, see what diseases have been cured or advanced on. We wouldnt have a lot of the scientific advancements we have today if there wasnt animal testing.

Posted by hohn0011 at 10:44 AM

History

I am also having a difficult time trying to get history of the otherside. But can't we also use history information from the last inform paper we did.

Posted by ewal0032 at 2:50 AM

October 7, 2004

hard time supporting the other side

I have found its really hard to find supports for the other side to my paper. Good facts to support the other side and not supports that arent valid or just an opinion. Does anyone else have this problem? Have a great night!

Posted by kamm0038 at 7:14 PM

How to do URL

Hi everyone I was going to start reading the URL for Fridays class but I am having a hard time getting the site to come up it says there is no page know as this. did anyone get it to work. please email it to me or something.
sext0066@umn.edu thanks i hope it works

Posted by sext0066 at 6:10 PM

October 6, 2004

paper

So, I started gathering information on the con side of my topic and I'm have the HARDEST time meshing my new information into my base paper. The history of both sides do not match exactly and I don't know what I should write as a thesis statement!!!

Posted by angst018 at 10:33 PM

Sources

Does anyone know where I could get some more information on people who are for animal testing?? I have a few sites but could use a litte more varried information. Or does anyone have any suggestions about points for animal testing..

Posted by burg0199 at 9:12 PM

GMOs

Is anyone else doing Genetic Engineering? I'm have trouble finding history sources since it's a new topic. If anyone could help me or direct me that would be great.

Posted by sull0384 at 7:09 PM

Our paper

Hey I am so glad that someone else did there paper wrong. I did mine so wrong it took me a long time to write that one it is going to take me so long to rewrite it. Wish me luck. See you all soon.

Posted by sext0066 at 4:42 PM

Class

BOY OH BOY. I totally did my paper wrong, but at leaset I don't feel that bad because I wasn't the only one, but now I have a ton of writing to do. Don't forget to real url for class on friday. :)

Posted by ewal0032 at 3:41 PM

Class Today

Is anyone taking psychology? Because we just finished talking about how important it is to prove something before you can call it scientifically accurate. Today's class was easy to understand because of psych. The people in the article today need peer review to make their claims valid.

Posted by lore0193 at 12:11 PM

October 5, 2004

websites

Hey guys, has anyone gone to the websites on our syllabus? I couldn't get to the first one, but I could get to the second one about fusion and the Science journal. Just wondering if anyone was having the same problem. The fusion one was actually pretty interesting though, so you should def. read it.

Posted by lore0193 at 5:27 PM

Bibliography!!

Hey everybody,
Does anybody know for our next writing assignment if we are writing a new bibliography for new sources or just adding sources to our previous bibliography??

Posted by angst018 at 12:48 PM

October 3, 2004

Writing Discussion

Hey everyone! Tomorrow we'll take a little while to discuss how your papers went, concerns you had, and what you noticed in writing it. How did you guys think it went? Four pages shouldn't be bad, and your writing will come together as we go. It's very natural at this point to be a little nervous and not entirely sure how your writing is coming together. Throughout the semester, we'll bring up some of the same ideas with transition, paragraph form, using your voice, and organizing your ideas. Great job, by the way! You guys rock! :) See you tomorrow.

Posted by tsch0070 at 4:17 PM

October 1, 2004

Presidenial Debates

Did all of you watch the Pesidential Debates last night? I did, and I have made my decision to vote Bush. Kerry was all of the place, he agreed with the war in Iraq, then he disagreed with the war in Iraq. I would feel much more stable with Bush as our leader, so that he can finish what he started. I really liked how Bush complimented Kerry on his previous experience serving in the military, and the way that he values family. Bush also values family and has fought for our country. He (Bush) may not be the best president that we have ever had, but he is a lot more stable.

Posted by lith0004 at 11:16 AM

Rainy day Quote

For after all, the best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain.
—Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Posted by woka0001 at 11:05 AM

Weekend

So it is finally Friday. What is everyone doing this weekend? Anything fun and exciting? I am finally going to get a computer which will be very nice. I hope you all have a great weekend and that it stops raining.

Posted by sext0066 at 10:36 AM