When it comes to what type of parenting is best, there is much attention zoned in. There are books, researchers, critics, etc. that are all spending their time on "How could you be a better parent?" It makes sense; everyone has parents so we all know the feeling of bad and good parenting, we all wonder how our childhood and home life affected us today, and we all are hoping for one sure-fire answer.
I personally think that it doesn't matter what type of parenting one uses, or how "good" a parent is. I believe we are very good at finding faults and flaws in people that matter to us, with parents at the top of our list. My parents are great and mostly understanding, but I still get frustrated in my mother's lack of reaction to some things and my father's misunderstanding of "normal" youth matters. When something happens, my mother will say, "Just one more thing to talk to a therapist about when you grow up."
Very few people can find perfection in their parents, or perfection in anyone. That's because humans are not perfect and everyone is different. We react to things differently. I'm sure if my mom worried more on my appearance, I would wish she looked at "the real me." But my mother instead has a passive opinion on matters of fashion, so I feel like she doesn't care about something that I put some thought in to.
Also, when it comes to parenting skills, it's just like every other activity. We all have our own way of doing things and are difficult to change so why should this be any different? Most of the time, people won't change their ways unless some traumatic experience happens.
I totally agree with you that we look more at what is wrong than actually what we have and whats right. And we should look at those things more and appreciate what we have. If we do that than we will see that our parents do, do a lot for us. That each parent is special in their own way, and have their own style on parenting. They don't need a parenting guidebook, because they do just fine on their own. Especially, my parents they are always there for me and caring sweet, and loving. They didn't use a guidebook they learnt on their own.
It is easy at least at a young age to find to all the things we don't necessarily like about our parents and how they parent, but as we age we do see just how hard our parents worked and that they did the best they could with the way they were raised and how they would change their upbringing to try and give their children the best upbringing possible. This probably then takes into account many parenting styles unique to the parent and therefore also unique to the child.
This post kind of reminds me of Monday's lecture when the topic of step parent's abuse and murder was covered. I feel a little differently on the topic than you do. I feel there is definitely such a thing as good and bad parenting. For example, in my family, my biological father abused drugs, smoked cigarettes heavily, etc. My mother drinks on occasion, which you know, isn't a bad thing; however, there have been times when she's been so drunk that she could barley sit up, talk, keep her eyes open, etc. Then there's my step dad. He has mentally abused me since I was 11 years old. Although I believe I am mentally OK and sound, it's not like his actions and words didn't affect me. I know for sure that I will be a much better parent than my parent's and step dad due to what I had been put through. I wouldn't want anyone to go through what I have gone through and what I am still going through. I believe it should be every parent's wish to give their child the best life possible, not disregard if a step father is being abusive in any way, or have parents who abused drugs for a long time in their life.
HA!!! That is an awesome picture btw. I love those parent books. I personally don’t have kids, thank god, but I helped raise my nephew for a few short years and my mother would buy my some from time to time. I don’t know if she bought them as a joke, but I did read them and found most of them funny because I don’t remember my parents doing anything in those book…. But I turned out kick-ass.
I agree that there really shouldn't be one way to parent children. I personally feel parenting should be natural, which would probably help the parent-child bond to become stronger. My parents weren't very strict when I was a child, and I still didn't turn out any different than people who had strict parents.
You make a great point that we can find flaws in everyone. Obviously the goal in parenting is to raise a child who can live on their own successfully, and there are many ways to do just that. We can't expect all parents to raise their children the same way, based on a standard set of guidelines, that's just not practical. Plus, if that was the case, people would be much too similar and the world would be a dreary place to live.
As a kid, I didn't pick out flaws in my parents. They were my entire world and I thought they knew everything and were incredible. Not until I was older did I begin to realize there were cracks in my parents methods. I also realized how hard their job was. Being a parent is difficult - something that not everyone is cut out for. And people look at parenting very differently. I'm glad there isn't a clear cut way of parenting, because then when I become a parent, I'll probably just kind of wing it and figure it out for myself.
I think many of us can relate in at least some way of things our parents did or rules, things that are just natural for most parents. While I've had ups and downs with my parents, I do now see they only ever did what they thought was best. While I appreciate that, I still don't want to be like them and think their scope of fulfillment is limited. I think parents should take proactive roles as parents and make an effort to learn what fosters growth. In the end though, what's awesome is that we all have built in resiliency. You're as likely to hear an amazing chef say he learned from his grandmother as you are to hear we never had home cooking so I taught myself.
I agree with the fact that everyone needs to make peace with their parents to an extent but there really needs to be a parenting style in place. Yes there are flaws with everyone but I know from personal experience that there are wrong ways to do things in regards to parenting. I grew up in a best friend relationship with my mom, due to my dad working all the time, and consequentially felt compelled to exclude him from our relationship and resent him in a way that is extremely unhealthy. While I know this is nobody's fault, I wish that someone had seen the dynamic before it progressed and helped our family obtain a healthier relationship for the long haul.
Yeah, I think no one can be a perfect parent. Also, books about parenting could not be the answer for being good parent. In my opinion, good parents are parents who listen to their children alot and are not hesitated or anxious about what their children's doing. If parents just listen to their children, children could be a dependent so, parents should let children make decision by themselves. Of course, this way of parenting could be seem perfect only for me. However, if children grew without any trouble with moral, I think that parenting is the perfect.