There is a wealth of controversial and opposing research on the topic of divorce, and more specifically on its effects on the implicated third-party participants of a divorce situation, the children of the divorcees. Some studies suggest that for most children of divorced parents, the emotional effects are either minimal or nonexistent, especially since children are often applauded for their resilience. Other "experts" however, are not quite so optimistic. They point to behavioral problems and episodes of depression or substance abuse as evidence of the horrors of such a situation, implying that if some reactions are that extreme, there must be some level of effect on all children.
In my personal opinion, many of these claims are merely to provoke a reaction and are often misguided in their findings. Just like many other less-than-ideal situations, divorce is only what you make of it, and this is true for the parents and children (in regards to the effect on children, not necessarily other factors). If parents continue to treat their children with love and respect even in a different living environment, they should adjust fine when given time. In some cases, the change may actually be beneficial to the children if it means that they will have more opportunities for positive interactions with their parents when the parents are no longer expending time and energy fighting with each other. As long as parents do not place their children in the middle of parental conflicts, the divorce generally shouldn't have negative effects on their adaptive capabilities or overall development.
From the child's perspective, he/she just needs to realize that the divorce is not his/her fault and that it simply means that life will be a little different from then on. Life is full of changes, many of which we have no control over, and this is something that everyone needs to realize at some point. In my own experience, this altered living situation often affords more opportunities to exercise responsibility and independence, and gives the child a broader perspective on the world. Obviously I am not trying to say that divorce is a good thing, because it certainly isn't, but at least the side-effects aren't all terrible and destructive. I was told once that "what you get when you don't get what you want is called an experience". Divorce is an experience for the child that they can't control, but they can control the way they handle it. It doesn't have to produce a maladaptive adult with socio-emotional difficulties; if handled maturely, the experience can only make you stronger in the long-run.
Being a child of divorce, I do not believe in the extreme implications that some studies suggest. I agree with what you say on how if the parents continue to parent in the same way they did before (with a bit more support), the child should turn out okay. Divorce is hard experience to go through, and like all hard experiences, people can be negatively affected.
I agree with you completely in your stance. The only reason we see these extreme cases is because these are the ones that are portrayed in society. Many religions don't agree with divorces, I know Catholics used to have to pay for annulments and that is why some people do stay together. Yet if parents aren't happy, I doubt the kids will understand how marriage works correctly. Society and many religions want the typical nuclear family, however today this is not always the norm. I believe that divorce is an experience like you said and if both parties are happier than by all means do it. I think parents should make a conscious effort for their kids to understand fully what is going on and help them adjust to the different way of life.
I disagree with you, most divorce situations don't occur that way and don't end up being that nicely of a break up and have no affect on the children, most of the people I know, especially girls take it hard. They don't show this explicitly but how they act with guys you can definitely tell that there isn't a man in their life all the time. If you take a moment and think back to all the girls you know who "sleep around" and have multiple boyfriends, most of them have divorced parents who maybe see their father but are usually restricted to their mother. Not saying this happens to all girls but this is just my experience with my friends. Also you can control how you feel about the divorce and every child who does make a positive situation about still deep down wants their parents together and wishes they would be a family, regardless what had happened. Not making any claims, just saying it's human nature to want both of your parents in your life!
I agree with everything that you said completely. I believe that especially in today's society, where divorce is such a prominent part of many people's lives, it can be very beneficial in some situations. I know this from personal experience, in that my parents have always argued while I was growing up in their home, and it was always very difficult for my brother and I to be around that type of environment. We both love our parents very much, and we know that they have only stayed together to keep our family together while my brother and I were growing up, but it truly is very hard to watch your parents argue on a daily basis. I think that the actions that parents take are different for every family for very different reasons, and therefore I cannot speak for children of other families, but I personally do not believe that divorce is a bad thing. I think that in situations where a divorce is completely unexpected, children may have a harder time with handling the pressure and adjustments that come with divorce. But overall, I agree that divorce can be what you make of it, and if you try to find the good in the situation, you will be able to come out on top.
I agree with this article and the comments about divorce. There are many factors that can affect the way the third party is affected by the divorce. Say for instance the child of a divorce was really close to both of their parents, this would have a greater emotional affect on the child than say one who was very distant from their parents. I agree completely on the notion that if ones parents are constantly fighting and they get a divorce, this gives an opportunity for the child to get interaction with their parents without the conflict of fighting.
Like the comments mentioned before, divorce is what you make of it. For some, separation can be a good thing because it means the end of fighting, but many kids also take divorce very hard, especially if there aren't any warning signs leading up to it. We all react to different situations differently, and this is just another example. I know for me it is important to have both my parents together, so it would be difficult to adjust to that. And I know I took my friends parents divorce hard having grown up around her family, but for her it was just the way it was.
I have no personal experience with divorce, so I can not relate to any studies or make predictions about what common outcomes occur for the third party involved (children). However, I do feel as though, based on reading this blog entry, perhaps research done on psychological and emotional effects of divorce is an example of the error of thinking "Correlation vs. Causation." It seems as though it would be easy for psychologists or doctors to reference a divorce as a potential reason for a child's depression, alcoholism, etc. However, it is of course very important to know that just because certain results of divorce show some sort of correlation, it does not mean that there is only one answer and A always causes B.
I totally agree with your point. I had a really good friend whose parents got divorced at a really young age. Both of the kids stayed with the mom, but the dad rarely put any effort into maintaining a relationship with his kids. Without a father figure in my friends life, he unfortunately turned down a very dark road. However, I have other friends whose parents got divorced yet both parents were still very supportive, respecting, and loving of their children and they seemed to turn out just fine. I also believe that a divorce doesn't have to be psychologically damaging for the children; it really depends on how the parents handle the situation.