"According to Judith S.Wallerstein and Joan B. Kelly, authors of Surviving the Breakup: How Children and Parents cope with Divorce, approximately one-third of children of divorce do well five to ten years down the road. Another third show some difficulties coping, and the remaining third experience more serious problems" (Wolf).
Here is a great article on recognizing the effects of divorce on children.
I like the article I linked above, because it does a nice job of describing the specific effects of divorce for every stage of development. From young toddlers, to school-age children, to teenagers. As a 'tween' when my parents finally divorced, it came as no surprise to me, because they had been previously separated for six years at that point. As the Psychology textbook states, "when parents experience only mild conflict before the divorce, the seeming effects of divorce are actually more severe than when parents experience intense conflict before the divorce" (Lilienfeld 391). I would add onto that that when both parents live under the same roof as their children and than suddenly divorce, with mild conflict the child is more prone to experiencing negative effects of the divorce.
In the end, I think its important for parents to realize that no one child experiences divorce the exact same. The may have similar symptoms, yet react differently. Most children old enough have their grieving and coping period, then they begin to transition into their new family structure and then eventually come to a place of acceptance.
Some advice I would give to any parent is to one, pay attention to their child, because as much as the divorce is emotionally draining on the parents it is even more of a confusing time for some kids. Secondly, I would tell recently divorced parents to listen and talk to their children and answer any questions they may have.
I found this article interesting, and have always wondered what the impacts of divorce are on children. I know everyone copes with it differently, as I have seen many friends deal with their parents' divorce. I was only 3 when my parents divorced, an age at which I obviously wasn't even aware of the situation. I don't think the divorce has impacted me at all, however the life a child lives after the divorce (separate homes) can be difficult due to conflicts and traveling. As a 19 year old with another divorce possible (mother and step-father), I feel like this won't impact me much either. I kind of lucked out in being too old/too young to have it effect me greatly. However, I have seen a couple friends who's parents got divorced while they were in their early ten years, and some of them weren't the same after.
I agree with what you were saying, as well as what the article was saying regarding the fact that adjusting to the changes that come with divorce takes time, and will not happen automatically. I think that any severe changes in family structure will require a period of time to adjust, simply because our family and living situations are such a large part of our lives. I also think that the advice you included in your post for parents who are thinking about divorce or have recently experienced a divorce was valid. I think that as long as children know that their parents still love and care for them, and parents are open and honest about the situation, children will have an easier time coping and adjusting to the situation.
My parents divorced when I was 5 years old and I don't think it really affected me. I barely even remember them being together so it wasn't really weird for me at all. The toughest part of it has been the transition to college because it takes much more effort to stay in touch with my dad than it ever did before. Overall I would say it definitely depends on the parents and how they handle the situation, but divorce definitely hasn't had a large impact on my life.