She's just not that in to you

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During Dr. Simpson's lecture on evolution there was one slide in particular that I thought pertained to current life. This slide presented the idea that humans are not always able to attract and/or retain mates who are good providers or and have "good genes" so they are forced to make trade-offs. More specifically the trade-offs for men who lack high attractiveness, vigor, or health, so the best way for them to attract and retain a mate is to offer good provision and invest heavily in one relationship. After some thought, I came to the conclusion that a very good example of just this is when they are simply trying too hard. This type of situation occurs so often in life that there is even a website for it. This website contains numerous accounts of females and males making efforts to attract others. These efforts, however construed, just don't seem to have to result intended. From tattooing a proposal onto your back to the awkward self photos, this website has seen it all. The same can be said for a majority of college students. We are all familiar with those who don't know where to draw the line.

http://tryingtoohard.org/page/2

8 Comments

People often try to make someone attracted to themselves. However, to me it seems like the key to making someone attracted to you is to just be yourself and act natural. If people know you like them, they are more likely to also like you (not just in a romantic way). People who lose a mate do make trade-offs when looking for a new mate, but that's just natural as everyone is different.

Its pretty sad how far people will go these days to try and make someone like them. Love is something that comes naturally; you can not make someone love you. Also, there is a reason that one is supposed to marry their best friend, because having a strong and stable relationship with someone prior to a romantic relationship allows two people to have a deeper relationship. These days, many people try to move too fast and jump right into a sexual relationship when they really are not ready for one. Therefore, trying too hard can have some pretty devastating outcomes on a couple that moved too far, too fast.

This post hits the nail on the head. I agree that a large portion of society is trying way to hard to impress the wrong people. I agree with redis008 and maric009 that love isn't sex. It is intimacy, commitment, and friendship. In college, a lot of people are looking to hook up and that is perfectly fine if you know the consequences of your actions and the feelings are mutual for both parties. We are shopping for a mate as an evolutionary psychologist sees the situation. But true love isn't skin deep, even though we do look for good genes initially by physical attraction and ability to reproduce. Next time, you are looking for a special companion, don't necessarily look for the hottest guy/girl at the party but the attractive, smart, and funny person, that you hit it off with at your biology class.

When it comes to thinking of what we like in a boyfriend or girlfriend, we all probably have a fairly lengthy list of qualities that we like. As was mentioned in lecture and this post, we can't find a person that has it all, so we need to make tradeoffs. In my experience though, I have found myself falling for a guy that doesn't meet that list (in other words, I haven't found any specific qualities I would describe as my "type"), but I like him anyways just for who he is, so a tradeoff isn't necessarily a trade off for me.

After reading your blog entry, I was very curious as to what might be the reason for these frequent overcompensating behaviors of men and women. As you said, certain trade offs for men include a lack of good looks and good health that can be replaced with high levels of commitment and dedicated behavior. The problem is, this type of behavior is easy to get carried away with. I can say this from my own personal experience. I am just wondering why. Why are men so willing to try and make up for all of their flaws? Why are they willing to go to extreme levels to do so? Perhaps, it is a need to get married and produce offspring and live in the world in a way that they see as successful and correct in the eyes of society.

I think it makes sense that men have such a need to do those things (marry & reproduce), not necessarily from a societal pressure standpoint, but simply from an evolutionary one. Maybe men with a high drive to marry/reproduce would do so more often and then those traits would be more likely to be carried on.

I agree with your post. I also think that some people just try way too hard and it more likely than than not ends up poorly. Personally, I believe that everyone has a special someone out there for them and they shouldn't try so hard looking for that person but rather let it happen naturally. I think the reason there are so many divorces in this country is because so many people are trying to get into relationships that are not right for them. People need to learn to be patient because usually all of that waiting will pay off in the end.

This was a very interesting post. I agree with you that people today try much too hard for the attention of another. People make themselves look like fools for "love" when its usually not something you have to act ridiculous to find.

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This page contains a single entry by lillx006 published on April 8, 2012 11:53 PM.

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