“Why Men and Women Argue Differently�
The article Why Men and Women Argue Differently ponders the age old question of the differences between men and women. The author, Damian Whitworth, uses peppy language such as robust and pithy, with an intelligent voice that is easy to understand without the arrogant feel you get with many authors. He begins describing a book by Deborah Cameron, The Myth of Mars and Venus, which reads of a situation in Papua New Guinea involving a rather peculiar marital spat. After a woman there apparently falls through the floor in her house, she continues to yell and bitch at her husband for the next forty-five minutes, during which this time, according to the local culture, the husband is expected to be quiet and just take it. The author states that although locally in the United States our arguments might not be quite so explosive, perhaps we too have similarities in that there are broad differences in the way the genders fight. This thought made me laugh. My friends and I had always joked about the way guys and girls fight, not just against one another, but among themselves too. Like stereotypically when guys are mad at each other they yell and fight and get over it; and stereotypically when girls are pissed at one another it just becomes a big emotional mess. Like a wonderful episode of Seinfeld when George and Jerry are explaining wedgies and how high school boys fight to Elaine, she states that boys are sick. “Well what to girls do?,� Jerry asks her. “We just tease someone until they develop an eating disorder,� she replies.
The author describes research by a Dr. Eaker, which essentially says that men like to bottle things up and not talk about their feelings, while women like to confront their partners and don’t mind discussing their emotions. So essentially women are masters with their words, while men tend to be in better control physically. A John Gray, who wrote Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, even goes as far as to call men ‘Martians’, who to avoid confrontation will hide in their cave and never come out. But Christine Northam, a counselor, adds that women are good at withdrawing from conflict too: “They change the subject or rubbish it or cry. Crying is a good one and then the poor man says: ‘Oh my God, she’s in tears,’� she says. She also reaffirms the idea that in an argument women tend to use their words and emotions towards manipulativity and men will resort towards aggression. This to me just sounds too simplistic and stereotypical. Plus she comes off sounding like women are some evil, conniving species who twist their words to get their way, and men are just big neanderthals without the intellect to argue who are only able to resort to violence. Are humans such simple creatures that we can easily be categorized and our actions can be predicted in such ways? I think we all know that one size does not fit all, and people are no different. Like I said before, we like to joke how men and women act differently, but seriously when it really comes down to it, are we really that different? Deborah Cameron, a professor Oxford University, doesn’t think so, “You can’t generalize about men and women. Cultural differences are much bigger than gender differences,� she says. I agree with what she goes on to describe, we’ve noticed little differences in the ways men and women act, and we like to use them as a prop. We think the differences are funny, I mean isn’t the whole idea of the disagreeing husband and wife and the differences between men and women pretty much the staple for almost every sitcom out there on TV? But maybe we take these generalizations too far, and shouldn’t go on to assume people in reality act this way. I’m sure not every guy out there is too stubborn to stop and ask for directions, and not every woman has a borderline obsession with shoes, and it’s the same way with arguing. Sure, some men probably don’t like to confront an issue and talk about their feeling, but I’ll bet there are plenty of women out there that are the same way. We just need to get over our silly little stereotypes bringing girls and guys farther apart that we had in junior high. We’re all adults now, and yes, I’m sure there are plenty of adults still willing to use them as a crutch in their arguments, but there’s no need for us to. We can move on and realize we’re not that different after all, and maybe that will help us with our arguments in the long run--to treat each other as equals, not as a totally separate species.