Today is the day we are supposed to learn the results of our preliminary exams. Although I have reconciled myself to the distinct possibility that I will not pass, I have not given much thought to the feelings I would feel if I don't. First, there is the stigma of not passing. The last person to not pass the American prelim has scarcely been seen in the department since. Next there is the fact that the entire field will know that I failed and that I will have to retake the exam. Third, and perhaps most important, not passing will make me rethink just what the hell do I think I am doing in grad school in the first place.
Some of the folks in my seminars make me feel pretty stupid. Of course, many are silent altogether, so it is hard to know what is going on with them.
Another moment of truth awaits this weekend: our first playoff game in the intramural soccer league. I take a little pride in the fact that I got us this far. Last Saturday, I think I saved at least a goal or two playing perhaps the best game of defense I have ever paid. That being said, I was not aggressive enough to get the ball. I am afraid of getting burned when I am the last person back. The good news is that the other defender is Field Chair for the prelim exams; let's raise the unhappy goblet of hope to social promotion!
Posted by webs0080 at October 22, 2004 7:05 AM"best game of defense I have ever played."
Posted by: typo patrol at October 24, 2004 5:26 PM