"People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring." -Rogers Hornsby
I love baseball. I am not sure how to describe it except that it has been a part of my life as long as anyone in my life except my immediate family. In all honesty, I had baseball before I had my brother. But, as people say, "baseball is just a game". The fact of the matter is that baseball is much more than a game. Baseball is a fever that you get inside of you and it doesn't let you go; at least it is for me. Baseball is the one sport that no matter how lax I am about following or enjoying I come back to every time and it puts a smile on my face. Some people say that a bad day fishing is better than a good day working. I think any day of baseball is better than both.
Anyhow, my friend Jessica bought tickets for the two of us to go to the Twins game on Memorial Day and I made a couple of off-color comments about other attendees. This basically led me to go through what I think belongs and does not belong at the ballpark. I thought it would be amusing for my readerdom to be able to share in this rant, so I'm piecing things together into a little manifesto on baseball interspersed with some of my favorite quotes and a few pictures of my Minnesota Twins. And no, for the record, it is not a dumb name. When we inherited the Senators from Washington, they couldn't very well stay the Senators. We're the Twin Cities and hence the Twins. It's better than the freakin' Wild!
Foods that belong at the ballpark:
1) Any type of packed meat... this includes sausages, weiners, brats, kielbasa, etc. and in buns please
2) Anything mentioned in "Take Me Out to the Ballgame". We're talking peanuts and cracker jacks people.
3) Anything that a player eats during a game (i.e. sunflower seeds, bubble gum, etc.)
4) Any food which you would traditionally buy at a fair or carnival such as cotton candy, hot pretzels, but not stick food, except corn dogs... as Mills Lane says: "I'll allow it!"
Foods that do NOT belong at the ballpark:
1) Ethnic foods. This includes pizza, nachos, any Asian food dish, falafel, etc.
2) Ice cream cups. Although I don't really approve of cones either, I really hate malt cups and lemon chills.
3) Salads. You want health food, save it for outside the ballpark, we serve sugar and heart attacks here.
4) Pulled pork, ribs, etc. Save the smoker and tailgaiting fair for the tailgate... or football season.
Other Notes:
1) Don't get so drunk you can't function.
2) Don't swear at the players/umps. Ballgames should be family events, treat them like that.
3) Participate in "the wave" it will help your team.
4) Don't get upset when people in front of you stand up to cheer. They are excited and they paid too. Stand and Cheer.
5) I don't want to hear "God Bless America" or "Proud to be an American". The only two songs that are allowed at the ballpark should be the National Anthem and "Take me out to the Ballgame".
6) Tip the vendors, they basically run stairs the whole game.
7) Don't answer your cell phones in your seat. If you want to make a call, go to the concourse or to standing room. You'll be able to hear and we'll be able to watch the game.
"I don't know why people like the home run so much. A home run is over as soon as it starts.... The triple is the most exciting play of the game. A triple is like meeting a woman who excites you, spending the evening talking and getting more excited, then taking her home. It drags on and on. You're never sure how it's going to turn out." ~George Foster, 1978
Quote of the Day (in honor of my ongoing tribute to the Sultan of Strikes):
"Every hitter likes fastballs, just like everybody likes ice cream. But you don't like it when someone's stuffing it into you by the gallon. That's what it feels like when Nolan Ryan's thrown balls by you." -Reggie Jackson
