up your architecture.

I know that it's been a while since I wrote and I should say why. I miss my Dad a lot and on today of all days I feel that it's important to write a post and tell you how I feel and just why I've had a hard time writing these past few months.

I guess that I never thought something could change my life so dramatically. It doesn't really hit you all the way until you need someone for something and you realize just how interdependent we all are. It doesn't have to be anything of great importance but you pick up that phone and you realize that the person you want to hear on the other line isn't going to pick up no matter how much you wish they could.

One of my good friend's on the coast who's father was also battling cancer was rushed to the hospital Monday and just couldn't hold on any longer. In a response to an e.mail I sent expressing to her my condolences she responded and said the following:

"My Dad was the best man I have ever had the privilege to know. I can't say enough about the man he was and he fought the cancer so freakin hard. I am so proud of him. Can't imagine not talking to him several times each day. My brain can't process any of this yet."

It's been six months since my Dad passed and this is something I've come to realize you just don't process. You can go over it again and again, but it never feels better, it just hurts less sometimes. I never thought it would hurt so much to lose someone but it does and I don't really know how to explain it except to say that I have such a huge chasm inside of me that was my Father. His love and generosity filled me with so much strength that it's almost impossible to function sometimes thinking about the fact that he's gone.

I think of how happy he was when my sister got married and when she and her husband started to have kids, his grandchildren and how much he loved them and the pride he took in them. I feel so horrid because all I can think is how unfair that he never got a chance to see any of that with me, or to make it to my brother's graduation, or see our grandchildren.

I hope that one day when I have children of my own this day can be filled with happiness instead of sorrow but it's hard to imagine that right now. I want to thank everyone of my friends and family who are going through this with me and are there every step of the way. I've been working a lot both at my job and on a number of other projects that I'll try to showcase this week in individual posts as well as laying out what is next for upyourarchitecture.com and the blog.

Happy Fathers Day to all the fathers out there and for those of you out there that haven't called your fathers, do it. Tell them how much you love them or just thank them for what they've done for you. It's more than you can ever know.