I probably should have said this in our group circle tonight, but I'm not very good at vocally expressing what I want to say, but I just want to thank everyone in our group for talk circle tonight. We all have had and are still having a really difficult time processing the past few days. Walking into Mandela Park was difficult for me, but the moment that really just put me in the moment was when we walked into the women with diabetes' home. And all I could think about was "I want to run out of this place, I want to go home, I just can't deal with this anymore." And if I wasn't physically trapped in that room, I probably would have ran out. And although it was incredibly difficult, I am thankful I did not leave. And after that, I checked out. It was just too much for me. But, anyway, I have been avoiding thinking about the past few days...I just didn't know where to start, and am still working on my own personal processing, but tonight really helped. And I just want to thank all of my group members for just being there to help me through that process.
Recently in Cassandra Sadowski Category
Reading through all my fellow group members' entries, I feel like they have all so well expressed the thoughts that I feel like I do not have the words to explain. This place is just unbelievably beautiful - and anyone who knows me, knows that I am not a hue nature person. I feel as if back at home, I am just so busy that I miss the natural beauty in things, and it is difficult for me to think about, because I am from a small town, and I really felt that difference moving from that small town to the Cities...and it was hard for me that I could no lhe longer see the stars at night, but now, being acclimated to the Cities, I'm too busy to notice I don't see the stars at night. Anyway, waking up every morning and looking up and seeing that mountain, makes me so thankful for my life and for God allowing me to have this amazing, breathtaking experience. And it's not even just the mountain, it's the oceans and the beaches, the plant life, and the community...it's everything!
But I'm not gonna lie, it is a struggle for me to get used to a lot of things here. One being the whole concept of time, and "just now" - being South Africa's commonly used phrase, of "it could be in the next 10 minutes to tomorrow depending on the circumstance." I feel like if I lived here, and I had to experience that, being used to America's high paced society, I would go crazy! But thinking about that and how laid back and just happy everyone one is here...you have to know that they are doing something right that we are not.
It looks like so many people already wrote about today's events, so I am also not going to recaputre that but I definitely agree that it is so much to digest. It's like I don't even know where to begin...but being here and experiencing their history, and seeing the parallels between here and Jim Crowe, and then even my own definition of what it means to be white and dealing with what people of my race had done. Like, racism is so institutionalized in the U.S that so many people don't even see it - but here, everything is so recent, we are literally engaging with people who lived through overt racism, who were tore out of their homes, it is just so real....it's just so difficult to think about.
This is just a phenomenal experience, and I am so thankful to be here with the people that I am here with!