I've been thinking about a few things. Forgiveness, my sense of time, and confronting issues.
On forgiveness, I'm struggling like crazy thinking about forgiveness. Nate, our instructor asked us to think about who we have to forgive at home, what you would say, why we want to forgive them, what we risk losing, if it will be hard. I have two people to forgive and one of them is myself. I've been beating myself up for a mistake made a year ago and I need to just let it go. I think South Africa has been helping me realize that mistakes happen and I need to forgive and move on with the rest of my life. One reason I struggle with forgiveness is because I've never really had to forgive anyone for anything big. Sure there are small things I have forgiven people for, but no big issues have crossed my path thus far in my twenty years.
My sense of time is gone since being in South Africa, which makes me scared to go home to commitments and meetings and classes where being on time is the key to success. Brittany said it really well a few weeks ago, " I'm gonna do what I want to do, when I want to do." That is exactly how I feel South Africa has been, to an extent. I mean I still go to class on time and stuff, but when it comes to free time, I've spent in exploring the V&A Waterfront, Observatory, the Green Market Square and even our neighborhood, Mowbray. I love that people here pronounce Mowbray as Mowberry. hahahahhahahaha. I love having all this time to myself to explore and just get lost in the vast city of Cape Town. Everything revolves around time and when you're watching a clock waiting for the next thing to do, you tend to get stressed out. I'm really scared to go home and be connected to technology and time.
I've thought a lot about how I had to come all the way to South Africa just to confront an issue at home. It's almost as if I needed to escape the monotonous everyday routine to see the problems facing me. I've said it a few times but I've got two people to forgive back home and one of them is me. The mistakes I've made have haunted me for a year now and I kept telling myself that I was a terrible person and I'll never be okay with myself. But I've been working toward forgiving myself and I think being in South Africa has really helped me by having such a great example of forgiveness.
That's all folks.