Recently in Courtney Lovelace Category

We have been back in the United States for a couple of days now. Between the jetlag and the immediate return to work and school, I can already feel the hustle and bustle of my life before my Capetown experience returning to me. It is nice to be back to my old familiar world, but I am very much afraid that I will get caught up in it and lose the important lessons that I gained while on our journey in South Africa. There were some very valuable lessons that I want to keep with me forever and that I want to apply to my life in general, but I know that such things are very easy to lose when outside of the setting that they were learned in. I do not want this to be my truth following such an amazing journey. I do not want to lose sight of what South Africa has given me.

So the question is... where do I go from here?

I cannot say exactly how things will play out... but I do know that I have some concrete goals for myself to help me to not lose what I gained in South Africa:

1) I will stay in contact with the people that I went on this trip with. The idea of ubuntu that we learned about in South Africa is that a person is a person through other persons. I am who I am because of the other people in my life. This applies to my experience in South Africa as well. Each member of our group added a piece to the puzzle that made up what this experience was. In order to keep that experience alive, it is important to keep our bond alive. My commitment to ubuntu will start with my commitment to this special group of people.

2) I will contribute to a fundraising project with my fellow South Africa classmates to raise money for the two organizations that contributed significantly to our experience. I'm not sure what role I will play in this fundraising, but I will do my best to be sure that it gets done and to be sure that I give all that I can. Both EducoAfrica and Africa Tikkun were vital to our experience, and furthermore, both are vital to South African youth. I want to give back in anyway that I can.

3) I will become an activist. In order to do this, I plan on first being more informed about the world around me. I will do this by reading... newspapers, magazines, online articles. From there I will focus on issues that are important to me. I will take whatever steps I think are necessary to contribute to the issues that I care about.

4) I will do my best to be aware of the reality that I have an impact on everything and everybody around me. The decisions I make, or that I neglect to make, does truly have an impact on more than just myself. I will do my best to make decisions based on my awareness of how they will impact the people and the world around me.

5) I will do my best to always consider that other people have different lived-experiences than I do. By acknowledging this, I will see others as individual human beings. I will be able to better understand the people that I meet. And even if I can't fully understand the people that I am around, I will be better able to contribute to any compromises we may need to live together peacefully.

6) Finally, I will do my best to forgive those that may wrong me. Not only can this be healthy in improving the relationships in my life, but this will also be healthy for my own well being and my own ability to move on. I will try my best to be forgiving on all levels so that conflict can be resolved and true healing can take place.

 

I will miss South Africa! But I will do my best to honor the memories I've made there by working on the goals listed above.

                I moved to Minneapolis last May and for the first time in my life I've felt like I have finally been in a place where I belong. Although I can't say that I have things completely figured out... I have come to know more about myself and what I want to do with my life over the past 8 months than I have over the better portion of my life. Coming to South Africa has been a valuable step in the process of where I want my life to go. I have learned things here about community (ubuntu), forgiveness, and lived experience that will be a part of who I am for the rest of my journey here on earth. This has definitely been a profound part of my lived experience.

                But I have been struggling the last few days not only with feeling a disconnection to the initial inspiration that I felt when I first arrived here, but also with the inspiration and connectedness that I have felt since moving to Minneapolis. Although I haven't exactly been questioning my decision to be a part of the Youth Studies program at the University of Minnesota and to end up working with young people, I have found myself questioning my intentions and also how I could possibly impact young people in positive ways.

                I am constantly having to check my own inner processes of 'othering' certain groups of young people and young people as a group in general. I have to check my desire to make these groups more like me by forcing them to adhere to the ridiculous standards of society that have been built upon a racist system. It saddens me that my mind cannot automatically think openly and that I need to go through the process of acknowledging my own white privilege and the systems of racism set up in the United States on a very constant basis. I wish that my mind could automatically think of all people as equal and that it could immediately recognize the flaws of society that instead have been embedded into who I am.

                I go through moments on a very consistent basis where I realize my own tendencies of 'othering' and racism and thus feel completely hopeless that I could possibly make a difference in this world if I cannot even change my own bad habits and thought processes. I wonder if my intentions in entering a world where I can work with young people are on track or misguided. These moments of doubt are what fuels my moments of disconnect like I have had recently.

                But it seems that just when I start feeling complete hopelessness, then something or somebody touches my life in a way that I am rejuvenated and that strengthens the faith that I have in myself and the world around me. In class today, we discussed how we can take what we have been learning and use it in our lives once we return home. Our discussion was absolutely inspirational. I am in constant awe of the deep intellect of my peers. But I am also in awe of my own inner voice that speaks to me in situations such as our discussion in class today. When discussing whether or not we could use a process of truth and reconciliation within the United States to change our societal systems that are built and run on racism, many of my classmates voiced their frustration with the U.S.'s capitalist approach to life and how it would likely be impossible to change people. I found my inner voice telling me that although the situation seems hopeless at times, I truly do believe that change is possible. Moreover, I feel that change can and will start with our young people.

As I sat there wondering how I could reach young people and help them see that they need to be the advocates for change, I felt the answer could be found in how we educate and bring awareness to the youth of America. This is where people like me come in. My role will be to support youth where they need to be supported... to earn their trust... to learn from them... but to also help them to see what it means to be aware. From there... the young people will take their awareness and change the world. I believe in their ability and strength to take on the world in a positive way. They may just need help to see the world as it really is... and not as how media and society depicts it.

So once again, I know why I want to be a Youth Studies major and what I want to do with my life of working with youth. I want to support them and to help them to become aware of the world around them so that they can take that and bring about change. This is what I want to dedicate my life to.

Today was a really good day. I have been blessed, not only today, but within my life in general with the healing power of the human spirit.

Yesterday was our first time in the township of Delft. We spent time gardening at Africa Tikkun and then ended our morning in the townships by touring the hospital in Delft. It was quite a humbling experience to see so many sick people waiting to be seen by a doctor with really no promise of getting that opportunity anytime in the near future. Although nobody is turned away at the hospital... the truth is that there simply is not enough people or resources to help all the people who are in need immediately. Despite being exposed to these conditions, I found that I did not experience the emotional struggle that my fellow classmates were experiencing. This reaction puzzled me. Furthermore, I stuggled with even being able to be present in the moment I was in. I found myself reverting to memories of my past... not immediate memories, but more distant ones.. ones that I have long since put away.

As the day went on, I really began to struggle with  my lack of emotion at the hospital and the longing I was feeling for the distant past. I tried to fulfill this longing by conjuring up my more immediate memories. This past year of my life has been an extraordinary time. Since I've moved to the Twin Cities... I've truly felt like I belong. But yesterday, I could not conjure up that feeling of belonging that has been in my soul over the past year. I felt totally disconnected with all that makes me happy. This was not a good feeling. I was scared that I had somehow lost my connection to my life back home.

Today... I feel completely different. I can see now that perhaps these struggles with my memories had to do with my personal coping mechanisms that I may have used to block out the sad things that I witnessed at the hospital. Furthermore, I not only rid myself of the negative feelings that I had yesterday... but I had a very happy day.

I think that I owe this happy day to the power of the human spirit. We once again spent time in Delft and began our morning by gardening. But after we were finished with that, we actually got to go out to some homes in Delft and interact with the people. Although these homes were in poor condition and could bring anybody sadness, I did not feel sad. I didn't feel sad because the people that we encountered were not sad. We got to play with the kids of the township and they were so vibrant and so full of life. It was impossible to not feel some of that fullness myself.

It is the vibrant lives of these youth that have reminded me why it is that I have felt so connected to my journey in Minneapolis. I am reminded what it is that I want to do with my life and why I have felt that I am where I belong. I can feel my connection to my life back home once again. And I owe this rejuvenation of my own spirit to the power of the human spirit of the people that I was blessed to interact with today.

Perhaps this idea of ubuntu... the idea that a person is a person through persons... is really on to something. I am what I am today because of the people that I've encountered.... this even includes the people that I've encountered today. I may not know the names of those kids... but they will always be a part of my being. The bit of human spirit that they lent me today will always be with me in someway.

"In a system like community, every part is related to every other part and change in one part will lead to change in other parts."

"In community a small action can have a very large impact... or vice versa."

Both of these quotes were taken from When butterflies flap their wings: Community and contradiction by Juan C. Moreno, University of Minnesota Executive Service.

For our first official sit down class while here in South Africa, we were asked to read the above text. This particular text, along with this particular class, focused on the idea of community and what it takes to create, build, and maintain a community. While discussing this in class, Nate asked us to discuss which ideas expressed by Moreno stood out to us the most. The two that I have listed above have stood out to me.

I have only recently really begun to understand the impact that my actions have upon others. I can honestly say that I have always had a heightened sensitivity to the feelings of others and that I try my best to not cause conflict or to do anything that causes any sort of physical or emotional harm to other human beings. However, I had never realized that even the smallest of actions... or the lack of action... can truly effect the world around me. Not only is this possible, it is inevitable.

The two quotes that I listed above really sum up this idea. The truth is.. no matter who a person is... no matter where they came from... no matter what their intentions are in any sort of situation... any actions that they make... or any actions that they neglect to take part in... can and will impact the people and the environment around them. This is so important to realize because it forces us to take the time to be aware of the consequences of our actions. By having a heightened awareness, we open our eyes to the realities of the world that we had never imagined before. In turn, this gives us ground to stand on in order to bring about positive change.

Awareness is both beautiful and complicated. It is beautiful in the sense that it opens us up to unknown worlds and truths. It is complicated because that sense of openess is also a call to action in cases of injustice or when something simply needs fixing. But we must not shy away from awareness. It is vital that we know the realities of the world. It is vital that we realize how we specifically impact the world. It is in this knowledge that we can begin to grow and to create a world that is worth living in.

So we officially made it to Capetown late last night. We are all safe and sound, and except for the occasional muscle cramp from being confined to a plane for 16 hours and the relative lack of sleep I experienced for the same reasons I would say that I arrived in one piece. However, being in a new place even for just one day I have come to notice some major differences between here and Minnesota. Furthermore, I have already faced some struggles. I find that I am really struggling with the concept of money here. I cannot quickly convert my U.S. dollars to rands, and therefore cannot figure out how much things cost. I've noticed that my first reaction to this frustration is to simply spend the money and then take count later of what I've spent. This is an unhealthy approach because I think I will wind up spending way more than I had anticipated. I have also noticed how much I devalue the American  coin. When purchasing a cup of coffee in the United States, out of habit I usually toss all the coins that I am given back right into the tip jar. I did this in the airport in Joburg and received a song of gratitude from the guys behind the counter followed by the statement "You must be from America". I realized later that the coins I dropped in were likely equivelant to 2 to 3 US dollars... a rather high tip for a 3 to 4 dollar cup of coffee. I haven't even been here for a full 24 hours and my Americanisms are already showing. My goal is to take this lesson and to figure out ways that I can become more aware of my Americanisms and counter the ways in which they alter my experiences both here and back in the United States.

By now I'm sure that most of you have read part or all of the Kevin Winge book that Nate asked us to read prior to our next predeparture meeting. I am mostly through it. I find the book to be both educational and entertaining and I really enjoy it. There is one particular chapter title 'You've Got to Come in Right' that has stood out to me. In this chapter, Kevin discusses the importance of entering a new culture such as South Africa in the right frame. We cannot go in trying to 'fix' things... because they may not actually be broken. If we wish to help the people of South Africa, it is important to listen to them about what it is that they need from us. We can't assume that our way of doing things is the right way.

Kevin highlights some other key things to keep in mind when entering a new culture. He explains that 'You've got to come in right.' The ideas he expressed have really hit home with me.

However, I am afraid that I will not be able to 'come in right'. I do not want to enter this experience as an ignorant being who thinks she knows it all. I also do not want to end up one of those people with good intentions that went wrong. I want this experience to be something that I learn from and that those around me can learn from as well. I guess I'm just afraid that I will be a 'tourist'. This is not what I want.

If anybody has any advice or words of support on how I can 'come in right'... I would appreciate it! Thanks,

Courtney