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I am almost arriving back to Minneapolis now, after over 26 hours in transport from South Africa.  Surprisingly, I do not think that I will even be that jet-lagged.  I adjusted really well upon arriving there so I hope it is a similar experience coming home. 

I am really sad to leave but excited to see everyone.  I will let you know that it is going to be very difficult for me to even try to explain the experience, emotions, lessons, and thoughts that I have had on this journey the past month.  So please be patient...it won't happen instantaneously.  I think if you are willing to listen, in time, you will perhaps understand some of the things that I would like to share.  The experience was very intense, and life changing to say the least.  Don't worry; I am still me...just better.

Anyways, I made some connections with some people in South Africa that I am very grateful for.  I plan on staying in touch and someday, going back.  On our last night there, we had a Braai and everyone came together.  It was a perfect way to end the journey.  The drums were beating, bodies moving, voices traveling, and of course, a couple of cocktails going down smoothly J some of us went downtown Cape Town to go out with a bang, and this is exactly what we did.  My girls and I went to Hemisphere, one of the nicest clubs in Cape Town on the 31^st floor of a bank! The view was phenomenal.  It was a great way to say farewell to the beautiful country of South Africa and city of Cape Town.  We headed to Long Street, the main drag to all the bars and met up with new friends to make more memories for a lifetime.  We danced into the morning...I never wanted it to end. 

But it is over...and now I am faced with holding onto it all when I get home.  I am challenged not to forget all the valuable lessons about life, people, and myself that I have learned. I know it's so easy because life is busy, and we are all caught up.  This journey that I was able to experience will be my center point.  It will forever be tattooed on my heart and soul. 

I made some very great friends on this trip that I will forever be grateful for as well. 

Goodbye to the beautiful people, moral land, townships (Delft in particular with Afrika Tiikun), mountains (Educo Africa), Interstudy, , slow internet, old school Nokia phone,  talking circles, University of Cape Town classroom #1, VA Waterfront, Table Mountain, whites beaches hugging the freezing Atlantic ocean, hot sun, greenmarket, Osborne Street, Long Street, mini-buses, Pick and Pay, Shoprite, laundry man, Robben Island, Slave lodge, Cathedral, District 6, House 14,and HOME AWAY FROM HOME...for now!!!!!!!

Always remember, never forget. 

A special Thanks to everyone who took the time to follow my journey through pictures or my blogs or both! It is much appreciated!

Love, Shauna Rae

Howzit!
I want to continue my last entry just a tad. After that extremely heavy experience in Delft, we went to class at the University and added some more weight.  It is productive weight though that will only make me stronger.  I learned more about the Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC) in South Africa.  I witnessed the truth, both powerful and ugly.  It was an Act that aimed to heal a nation and have a new beginning.  I won't go into all the details, but if you don't know much about it, look it up. I believe that if the United States did something similar to confront the ugly truth about our country, many people would benefit.  The main idea is about forgiveness. Desmond Tutu' stated, "There is no future without forgiveness." In my heart, this is true.  The TRC allowed oppressed Africans for the first to tell their horrific stories in front of the whole country. It allowed perpetrators to apply for amnesty for the wrong they have done to others by telling the whole truth, in detail.  The video I watched in class on the TRC was heartbreaking but real.  Forgiveness is not easy and many times, oppressed families did not forgive the oppressors for the inhumane and unspeakable acts against them.  I can't say I blame them. If the police killed my 16-year old son and nine of his friends because they were freedom fighters, I think forgiveness would be a challenge to say the least.  Or if the police stabbed my husband, 67 times and tried covering it, forgiveness would be a challenge.  Or if the police mutated my genitals with electric shocks and raped me, forgiveness would be a challenge...

So the next day, I went back to Delft just like I said I would.  I got my hands dirty pulling weeds to save the garden.  I went on a home visit in the townships with a small group and was invited in with LOVE.  It Lifted my spirits, Opened my eyes, Validated my feelings, and Enlightened my heart. The mother was a foster mom of a two month-old baby who was abandoned at a shopping mall when he was two weeks old. He was found with drugs in his system. She took him in and now will raise him until he is eighteen.  She is also tending to a five-year-old boy who lost his mother.  She is an incredible woman who has so much to offer the world and her family.  Her two daughter, Jade who is 16 and Shanell, who is twelve...I fell head over heals for.  They taught me how to dance and play hand clapping games! They were proof that life, even in a ten by ten square foot house with 8 people, is happy and home.  I am blessed and very humbled to be able to experience what I am.  It is truly awakening.  My compassion for people is higher than the sky. I am slowly starting to heal on this journey, which is what I came for. 

YESTERDAY, I went on a freaking safari!  Mind blowing and breathtaking.  I say lions, springbok, wilder beasts, hippos, giraffes, elephants, ostriches, zebras, and rinos! I was so close to each and everyone. (videos and pics coming soon) Less than ten feet from an enormous male and female lion. I cried when he looked me in the eye when I caught his attention by sniffling.  The elephant walked right up to the vehicle within touching distance.  I couldn't believe my eyes. I got to end the experience with a delicious buffet and pool at the reserve in the mountains! I am feeling quite content and think I could die happy now :) 

Today was a little scary.  We took a boat to Robbin Island, where Nelson Mandela was imprisoned for 27 years.  It was very intense, and HOT. Hence why I got heat stroke...put on a stretcher into an ambulance...and rode the stretcher on the boat back to land.  It was a strange experience.  My body didn't really feel like my own.  My body cramped and tingled until my vision spotted out. Luckily, I have amazing people on this trip who helped me and kept me from panicking.  THANKS...you know who you are! I am doing better now...just tired, sore, and weak, drinking nasty salty rehydration water, and putting a little food in my belly.  

One last thing...Ubuntu.  It is a South African concept I have been learning about and witnessing here in this beautiful moral country.  Simply put..."I am me, because of you." It is the idea of togetherness.  It runs deep in my heart. I would like to live more of my life in reflection of this concept.  I feel like in America, that is hard given that we are such and individualistic society.  I can start with my friends and family. The article I read has a sentence that says, "Africans do not divide the world into secular and sacred - all life is sacred, and each part inextricably bound through the whole to all the other parts...there is a connectedness between all things and all events.  Also, "Any mans death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind." These speak to me.  Just food for thought.  

HAVE A GOOOOOOD NIGHT <3
Shauna

So yesterday I wrote and felt heavy...today I feel crushed. I passed tonight in the talking circle because I could not find the words to say. I couldn't explain the way I was feeling. I am not sure I can do any better right now but I want to try. At least to let a little of it go.

We went to Afrika Tiikun in Delft today and helped in the garden. It was fun and easy. The tide changed soon after. We walked through the township all the way to where the hospital clinic was located.  We were introduced by, since I can't remember her name I will call her, Sister. She explained what they did at the hosptital and everything that they had to offer the community.  Free or basically free healthcare for anyone who needed help. She described some things that she has seen or experienced there that if I were to ever go through that, do not know how I would go to work again the next day. But she was passionate. She was willing and able to help. She was brave.  I walked past an continuous line of HIV/AIDS patients, TB patients, pregnant patients, pediatric patients...and saw first hand. I looked into their eyes.  It is easy to feel pain and pity when you get thrown into something you have never seen in real life and only read about.  It is easy to feel doom and gloom in these moments.  It is easy to cry and feel suffocated.  It is NOT easy to remember in these moments that this community is their home.  It is not easy to always see the beauty in these moments.  it is not easy to feel at peace. But all of the things that are not easy to do are necessary.   It will take me time to adjust my heart first, but I have hope that after my experience tomorrow and the next week in Delft, I can do what is not so easy.  This is their life and they are proud to have what they have and not dwell on the have not.  Just because they may lack the materials that me and so many others are privileged to have and take for granted, does not mean that they are inferior because of that. They are strong...they are moral...they are survivors and thrive.  

Its almost impossible through writing to describe my thoughts, emotions, sights, and feelings, it doesn't do it justice.  So I am sorry you will never fully understand what I have seen or experienced.  The lessons are important though so take from it what you will. 

We have been talking about an idea called "lived experience" and its a simple idea yet so very complicated...especially in America.  Its the being aware of space, time, body, and relationships.   It is describing it mundanely.  It is getting away from the feeling description into what is really happening.  It is not taking the little things for granted...My lived experience today in Delft was extreme to me. I felt sick to my stomach...my sense of time was incredibly slow (I wanted to get out of the hospital), my relationships were distant, and my space was crammed.    So the point is to try and remember your life and others with the small things in life. What are the women, men, and children sitting in line waiting to be tested for HIV/AIDS lived experiences like? How about in the 12 minutes it takes for them to get their results?

I'm not sure if that made any sense.  I have to stop for now but plan on finishing tomorrow. The hospital is doing amazing things for beautiful people.   I am going to wake up tomorrow, go to Delft, and do it again.

Everyone as one,
Shauna xoxo

Well friends,
My world is spinning. It's hard to continue  like everything is normal after a day like I had today. We went to the District Six Museum and listened to Joe, who told us all about how thousands of colored and black people were forced from their homes and moved into the Cape Flats (townships).  The whites did not want to be "contaminated" by blacks and strict laws governed the segregation all around South Africa under the Apartheid. After the museum, we walked to where the District used to be, and it is now just grass full of rubble left from destroying the homes.  Most of it is a world heritage site now because of the protest against whites rebuilding on it.  Activists took pouches full of the rubble and said, "This used to be someone's home, a family." This example is just one that saved the land.  Now the government plans to rebuild so that people that were forced out, can come back.  This is challenging not only because of money and resources but the mindset the oppressed.  They were literally brainwashed to believe that they belonged in the Townships.  This is devastating to me. 

After that we went to the St. George's Cathedral Crypt which played a big role for the people in the resistance against the Apartheid.  There we learned about the huge PEACE marches that took place in 1989 all over the country. I was only 2 months old.  Police murdered children and adults because of the protest.  Even then, the people stayed peaceful and demanded to have their humanity back.  It was so very powerful. Desmond Tutu, a spiritual leader and advocate against the Apartheid, was speaking at the rally and wanted to prove that they are peaceful people by holding up empty hands, and that they are disciplined by being silent. It pains me to even think that they had to try and  prove anything at all. 

Lastly, we went to the Slave Lodge. This is where slaves were shipped to in Cape Town and auctioned off and put to labor.  Men, women, and children.  I imagine everyone knows to an extent the horrific realities of slavery.  The slaves built everything. Cape Town is because of them.  All of this was a lot to take in and process in one day.
 
I don't want to end on that note.
I went shopping after that at the Greenmarket, which is absolutely amazing! I got a lot fantastic authentic made African merchandise and art.  I am excited to share it with everyone when I get back! I had a lot of fun bartering...I must say I am pretty good at it :)  All of this is downtown Cape Town, which just yesterday was vibrant and full of energy and hope! It was the Cape Minstrel Carnival which is also called the Tweede Nuwe Jaar (second new year). Historically celebrated on January 2, the one day Cape slaves were given off every year and freedom of slavery is celebrated as well. So that was very uplifting!

I learned that real change takes many years...so being patient is extraordinarily important. Everything you do today does effect tomorrow, even in the slightest bit. So don't ever think that what your effort to help in any way is pointless because that would be foolish.  Powerful things can happen when you believe in something.  I believe in being human.  Like Joe said, take everyone and prick their finger...what color is it? Until it bleeds different colors, we are all a part of the same HUMAN RACE.

PS- If you ever want to comment or have ANY questions...you are more than welcome to share that on here!

I am going to focus this blog on what I have been learning on this journey thus far. Going into the mountains for three days without even looking at a clock once was more than I ever could have hoped for. I can honestly say that I am not the same person I was driving up the mountain as when I was driving down. The lessons I learned are for a lifetime. First of all...I have never felt so connected in my life before. I was so connected to myself, my group, and the earth. I went through some things on that mountain that made me realize that my vision of the world is limited. I get angry when I think about communicating to people in my life and how I never really feel listened to. BUT in reality, I wasn't listening either. I learned to listen. It is the most powerful thing you can do...listen and witness someone's heart and mind. In return, I have never felt more listened to by others than on this mountain. i sat with my thoughts and was patient until it was my turn to speak...my thoughts grew and deepened the more I listened. It is a magical thing how much listening can pull things out of people and truly allow dialogue between people. I was watching the sunset on the last morning in the mountains when I was asked, what do I want to remember when facing the next two weeks ahead of me. This is what I came up with... R emember the stories and beauty in peoples hearts, minds, and souls. E embrace the fact that my vision of reality is much more limited than I imagined, and that I may be wrong. M end my wounds but don't forget they are still there and the things I try to leave behind are still a part of who I am and who I will become. E nrich my being by opening up my heart, mind, and soul. M ake my desires, dreams, wishes, goals, and purpose a reality. B e brave to be vulnerable and rise above and grow through though and fearful situations and barriers, even when I have fallen. E mbarck on my journey in life with strong compassion for myself, others, and the earth. R ecognize that I am unique and have beauty in my heart, mind, and soul, and that I can share that with the world. Without this time in the mountains...I don't think I would have been ready to COME IN RIGHT to South Africa or feel supported enough to go through what we will together as a group. So as I face the challenges and life ahead of me on this journey here in South Africa and in my life, I will REMEMBER.

Howzit! (common South African greeting) I think it finally just hit me today! This morning when I went outside to eat my apple and piece of toast! The sun was shining, there was a cool breeze, and I was staring at the giant mountain right in front of me. It didn't look real; it should have been in a painting. At that moment when I opened the gate to the street and looked both ways and saw life happening all around me...it got real. I am on a completely different continent across the world from where I learned everything about me and my life from. My world is upside down, and I love seeing it from the view I have here. I haven't even been here 24 hours! South Africa is a 3rd world country and in the next 3 weeks, I am privileged enough to live comfortably and see the immense gap between the rich and poor. I will be in both worlds at different times and experience each. I get to see...learn...feel...experience. I can't explain how ready I am to take it all in with an open mind and grow. I was standing on the opposite side of the road from my group waiting to go grocery shopping when a homeless old man came up and started talking to me. He was too poor to even live in a metal shack. I see homelessness in the United States even on the block I live in the cities, but this was different. It was desperation...and it was heartbreaking. I haven't even gone into the townships yet. I have so much to learn a head of me. When I got into the grocery store, nothing was familiar. Taxis and cabs are 2 different things here. Taxis are mini buses that drive crazy and holler out the window at you to see if they can give you a ride! I will take that ride at some point, but it is recommended to take a cab after 7pm for safety. They drive on the opposite side of the rode and car. Every shop is unique....I haven't even been downtown Cape Town yet. Well friends, it's that time to get ready to go out to eat somewhere for a friends 21 birthday! I will write as much as I can while I am here for those of you that want to live vicariously through me while I am this journey. Tomorrow, I will be going on a retreat for 3 days...when I return I will write all about it! Ta-ta for now! Love Shauna <3

My reasons for going on this life-changing adventure are simple and complex. I want to get to know myself and learn from others in the world. I want to expand my cultural perspective and deepen my capacity to be human. I want to live in the moment and change for the future. I know it will not be easy, but I am ready. Building up to the trip, I haven't been overly thinking about it. I am nervous, excited, anxious, and everything else right now. My heart feels flooded with emotions, good and not so good. So to avoid over analyzing like I usually do...I am just going with it. I don't want to be pre-occupied with thoughts of what it is going to be like. What it IS like while I am there is what is important to me. I hope that all of my reasons for going are fulfilled. I believe they will be plus many more. I hope to make new friends, connections, and memories that last a life time. I hope to cherish every second while I am there. I hope to be challenged but to take the challenges as opportunities to learn. This trip will be my sweet escape. An escape from my mind into a place of new perspective, growth, and valuable tools for my future.