Do whatever the heck you want or Do exactly what I say or you're grounded?

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My parents raised me to be a great person with a mix of different formulas. Sometimes I would get praise for doing something good and other times I would get punished for, say not returning home before curfew. But what is the best way of raising your child? Diana Baumrind's work has led us to establish three main classes of parenting styles: Permissive, authoritarian and authoritative. Permissive parents are the softies. Their children have a great deal of freedom, hardly and punishment, and a great deal of affection. Authoritarian parents are the "mean" ones. They are very strict and tend to show little affection. Authoritative parents are the best! They set a happy median between the two styles and usually lead their children through a very happy and stable life.
Another category of parenting is uninvolved where parents tend to totally neglect their children's positive or negative behaviors. None the less parenting is a very difficult concept and can be a very hard challenge. Many generations have shaped these styles but it is up to the individual in what to do. So how do you think parents should raise their children? Should it be different in different circumstances or just universal for everyone? There are many parenting books out there today but only real-life experience enlightens the best parenting.


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I think if parents took the mindset that parenting needs to be done in order to teach their children how to be productive and pleasant members of society, our world would be better off. Parents need to only be strict and punish their children when they are actually doing something wrong, not when they are doing something that the parent necessarily doesn't want them to do. For instance, my mother used to get upset sometimes when I would practice drums at "inconvenient" times for her. I would never get upset with a child for doing something creative and healthy for their development, even if it's inconvenient for me. I will either ask them to stop for a few minutes or I would go somewhere else. I guess that is a more authoritative approach.

I believe that children are all brought up differently, it depends on the background of how to the parent was brought up. Each family has different expectations and morals that they follow. I was brought up by the authoritative way. But my parents had also raised a child before me so they knew a lot of the ins and out of parenting. Each child turns out different so even though they knew how to parent I was completely different and need different rules, punishments, and praises. This is a very interesting topic because you see these different types of parenting everyday and how each child has turned out due to those specific ways.

Children are going to be brought up differently based on the environment they live in, the stability of the household, and the way their parents teach them. Every parent should teach authoritative, because this is the best way to develop the child. As the child grows parents should change their style of parenting to fit the child more. For example if the child is a troublemaker then give him or her less privileges or if the child seems to be learning and respectful of other then the parent should loosen the grip a little.

Parenting, as I have observed, is a difficult task. I believe you can't really claim that there is a perfect way to go about parenting because children have different behaviors which need to be addressed in different ways. As far as deciding which of the three styles as described in your blog, authoritative does sound the best. However, I think some children may need a parent that leans more towards authoritarian or more permissive, depending upon their behaviors.
For example, my parents leaned more towards permissive for my brother and more authoritarian for me, because I was less willing to listen to them the first time. Although this is just one situation, I see it happening in a lot of families and believe that treating a child individually and adjusting one's parenting style accordingly is key.

I agree with the first comment, parents shouldn't be mad at their kids for being creative, even if they do make a mess or are being loud. I am going to let my kids run free, make messes, and be loud. However, I am going to teach them manners and respect so they know the proper times to run free and be loud. I think children who are raised with too much authority don't learn to think for themselves. These kinds of people grow up to never question authority or societal norms, or in other words "Republicans". Yes children should be punished for being mean to other kids, doing things that are dangerous, doing bad in school, and dishonest behaviors. But the thing that made me the most angry when I was a kid was when I asked my parents why I had to do something and they said, "because I said so." How about, "because lying is wrong," or "because you hurt their feelings"?

I believe a good parent is someone who will do anything to make their child into a productive and pleasant member of our society. Parents need to not worry about being their childrens friends and worry about teaching their children right from wrong. Knowing when to be a softy and give your children some freedom and knowing when to give your children the structure they need is a difficult skill that only can be mastered with practice. Parents should not try and be perfect instead just try and be there for their child whenever they are needed and they will have done a perfectly good job raising their kids.

There probably is not one best way of being a parent Bradley but Baumrind's work is often cited as identifying why authoritative parenting styles can have positive outcomes for kids.

I think the best parents are ones that love their children and express these emotions to them all the time by holding and touching and making them feel safe and secure. A child primarily needs to feel comfort and safety at home so that he or she can feel that the world is a safe place and that other people can be trusted.

Children also likely do well when Mom and Dad clearly love and respect each other. When parents are fighting often or are absent and cold, that leaves a lot of uncertainty in the mind of a child about how best to proceed in the world.

Family meals and communication are also essential. Time together interacting, working together, playing together. This is where the authoritative style comes in. Its often best to be democratic, to listen to the needs and questions of the children, to respond with compassion, to engage their curiosity, but not to overindulge them or limit their imagination.

Best to encourage children to be themselves, play, explore, challenge, but with clearly defined limits and rules. Yes, parenting is difficult, but it is a responsibility that should not be taken lightly.

My parents definitely raised me with an authoritative style. At the time, I assumed they were just being plain mean and "authoritarian" for not letting me do things such as hang out with people who drank during my sophomore year of high school. Looking back, I can't thank my parents enough for raising me the way they did. Many kids don't realize how good they have it when their parents attempt to give them some freedom while controlling other aspects because the kids focus on the aspects the parents control. In the long run though, authoritative is the most balanced way to raise children. They need some freedom to understand how to not abuse that freedom but also need rules to keep them in line.

I do believe that the parenting style should universal. Because authoritative is proven to provide the best balance, parents should use that style to provide the most well-rounded children, although to be a well-rounded person you don't necessarily need great parenting, but it is easier. I definitely agree with the comment above stating that parenting should not be taken lightly because you can affect another person's whole life if you parent them in a way that causes behavioral problems later in life.

I feel that because everyone is different, you cannot parent everyone the same. While some strategies should be universal there are different reasons parents parent the way that they do. My parents are quite authoritative, however when it came to my sister, they needed to be more strict because she went off the wall without stronger rules. I also feel that in some areas of my life my parents were quite permissive. I was able to do as I pleased as long as I didn't get into any trouble. However, when I did things wrong my father, especially, became very strict and my rules were changed for awhile. I did not get into much trouble in high school I think I was grounded twice. I feel I grew up knowing who I am and what I was comfortable with with a strong sense of right and wrong because my parents changed their style as I changed in my life. If they were not like this I would not view them as a friend, a parent, and someone to look up to, because until I screwed up, as long as I was respectful, they talked to me as an equal. I could tell them anything and I still can, I would even tell them when I messed up because I am not so good at hiding things from them. We have a wonderful bond and I find that comes from the varying degrees of authority my parents presented.

To respond to a comment above, I think it is hard to choose when parents should punish if only punishing when someone is doing something wrong but not by what a parent thinks is wrong. Isn't that what parents do by teaching us right from wrong? They give us morals and try and teach us from what they have learned to be a bad choice in life. A person is not going to be able to teach solely from what is right and wrong in society because there are disagreements even in that. Also, who is to say what is right and wrong? I think to better phrase what was said, it would be beneficial to society if the natural consequences given for an action had to actually be dealt with rather than erasing that natural punishment and giving a second, third, fourth chance to make the same mistake.

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This page contains a single entry by beau0294 published on March 25, 2012 1:42 PM.

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