So the new Time magazine cover article concerns the generation of 18-25 year olds called Twixters. The Time article characterizes this generation in three ways: still living at home, waiting a few years past college graduation to get married and having children, and changing careers often immediately post-college. I think the article is disturbingly neo-conservative -- it acknowledges that my generation can not expect to do financially as well as our parents and are often not prepared for a career fromour college degrees (For instance, I have no idea is I could ever get a job with just my undergrad degree), but condemns us for not being adult and settling down. I agree with criticisms of people post-college who just move home to their parent's house and do nothing. However, I am not quite sure why anyone rationally wouldn't want to gain relationship experience and job experimentation when one can do it fairly risk free. This doesn't mean that the Twixters are indecisive or need to "grow up." Instead I think it is the result of two things. In terms of relationships, there is overwhelming research that my generation is strongly in agreement with marriage and also want to move away from the overwhelming rates of divorce that exist. I think we tend to believe in marriage as a love relationship, and not made for the purpose of a mate, someone to raise children with, or someone to rely on for financial support. Why would one want to pick a person for these reasons -- all are things one can do on their own and don't necessarily need another for. So, why not experiment with different relationships if a) you don't need another to have basic family structures and b) you believe in marriage as a life-long commitment.
In terms of one's career, I am not quite sure what I think of all of this. In some ways, I think that this whole Josph Campbell-esque "follow your bliss" thing might be bunk in terms of one's career. My bliss currently includes: reading, bicycling, shopping for shoes, and walking. Somehow, this does not seem to lead to many career options. I also wish that before deciding what to do after college I thought a little bit less about the things I liked to do and more about the life I wanted to have and what were the lifestyles of various careers. By lifestyle, I don't solely mean salary, but time each week working, job stress, etc. I know academia will never be like this (and I know that thinkers like Edward Said say that the move of academia towards a more career-type model like I am describing is dooming academia), but instead will want your work to be your life and passion.
SoI ended up falling asleep on the sofa, feet resting on the boy's lap at 10 pm last night and actually slept fairly well. Today was so exciting; I didn't study at all, didn't have too much to do and it was incredibly warm. I ended up calling the boy at work and made him promise to go bike riding with me tonight. It was pretty cold riding after the sun set, but I hadn't been outside on my bike since October. I was so stressed before it and so excited to get back on my bike. Within 10 minutes on my bike, my head was clear, I was feeling infinately less stressful, and I was grinning like a madwoman. I felt almost like one of the Mt. Bike Chicks.
Nothing else terribly exciting going on; for the third night in a row, we are watching a recount of the Dakar Race. Its killer.
is currently the name of my favorite beer, Capital Brewery's winter bach beer. Mondays this semester are going to be rather crazy: class from 1:25-4:25 and again from 6:20-9:30. I was feeling so proud of myself, got up at 8:30, headed over to the U at about 10, studied for my prelims for my requisite 2 hours today and getting stuff done. I was feeling like everything was possible. I decided to get my old papers that I need to study for the prelim out of my mailbox and my good mood instantly sank. Looking at the comments on them, I began asking myself (again) why I was even here and what was the point, especially since I am really terrified I am not going to do well on this test (I think this has something to do with not being able to write very well, as almost all of my profs have reminded me of). I just feel discouraged to study: the times when I have put the most effort and work into my papers have been the times when they have been shot down the most, it seems. It just feels like doing well on this is either a) not going to happen or b) a crapshoot. The sad thing is, I was really enjoying studying in some ways; it felt nice to be reading all of the theory and thinking of ideas and ways to use it, but then pulled back into the world of grad school, I just end up feeling like all of those ideas are worthless since I apparently can not prove them in writing. The thing right now that exacerbates all of this is that it is 7:30 now. I don't know the last time I have gotten a really good night's sleep; I wake up every day exhausted and stay tired throughout the day, and yet I know that when 3 am comes around, I am going to be awake, all of my muscles tensed up so much they are sore, and running through all of these thoughts in my head. Why am I doing this?
When one thinks about ways to start the semester and events to happen, there are a lot of good ones -- getting to TA a class you find interesting, having a good schedule, being excited for your courses. Then, there are the bad ways, like getting the flu. I have the flu. This does not make me very happy, however, I did read 150 pages of Politics and Vision last night, so maybe I am doing something right.
If you ever want to watch something that looks completely ridiculous, watch someone else doing a full workout with a balance ball. It will definately provide a few laughs. I currently have my headphones in and am listening to fairly sappy german pop and finishing up my playlist of music to do yoga to. It is:
Fly Nick Drake
At my Most Beautiful.mp REM
Hallelujah Jeff Buckley
Sacrifice Sinead O'Connor
Father & Son Cat Stevens
Pink Moon Nick Drake
Rattlesnakes Tori Amos
Morning Has Broken Cat Stevens Greatest Hits
Wise Up Aimee Mann Magnolia
1000 Oceans Tori Amos
This list reveals a few things to me:
1. I am indeed a girl
2. The parents really are hippies
3. I am a bit trendy
I have read a walloping 15 pages and taken notes on it today (making me feel better is that it was Deleuze on Focault and my notes are great). The boy and I went to Kikugawa for a nice romantic dinner and ate lots of sushi and edamame and were cute and discussed going to Coachella again and bikes. I realized that I am really looking forward to being done with this first prelim, since I will only have to work then like 2 days a week plus course readings and a bit of debate stuff. I think I will do some bike riding and attempt to figure my life out. Questions will include:
1. Why am I in grad school?
2. Do I want to be in grad school?
3. If not, what on earth do I want to do?
Right now, the idea of doing nothing sounds very very appealing. I am reminded of the conversation from Office Space:
Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man, two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter Gibbons: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook that up, cause chicks dig a dude with money.
Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well the kind of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.
Peter Gibbons: Good point.
Lawrence: Well what about you now? what would you do?
Peter Gibbons: Besides two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Well yeah.
Peter Gibbons: Nothing.
Lawrence: Nothing, huh?
Peter Gibbons: I'd relax, I would sit on my ass all day, I would do nothing.
Lawrence: Well you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Just take a look at my cousin, he's broke, don't do shit.
Sadly, being broke doesn't seem all that appealing, so toil must continue. Right now though, the thought of having no responsibility sounds sweet. Super-sweet in fact.
Today is the official "first day of school." It is kind of pointless for me since my first class isn't until Thursday night, but the day looms. I remember all of those times as a kid looking forward to the "FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL" in the fall with new clothes and school supplies (okay so I still really love school supplies) and then in college, the start of a new semester was always pretty fun -- new classes, new people in class, etc. Now, there is no feeling of newness, more of "oh no, this again." I have begun gully studying for my prelims and enjoy the actual studying and then, when I am not studying, I am convinced that I will fail and that I can not write well at all. I think the second of that might be true in general. However, good things are happening: I paid off all of my credit card debt today! I got $300 worth of Kate Spade shoes for $30 at the Saks 5th Ave closing sale, and I have been working out. This all proves that at least if I fail my prelims, I will not have credit card debt to worry about.
I cannot sleep. The cannot sleep of being awake and in tears because you are awake and so very tired that all you want is to be asleep. All I want now is to be asleep -- for 8 hours straight or right now even longer then that. Sleep, sleep,sleep, sleep.
Today I got "elected" to be our section rep for debate. The quotes are because no one really wanted to do it and I was agreed. Katie called me a debate bigwig. I laughed.
This sounds like the comic "I went to college and it was okay"
So, today is the last day of having nothing much scheduled to do. Tomorrow, Blake classes start back up again and our section tournament is this week. So, I caught up on my DVRed tv shows and worked out and did some work at home. Tonight the boy and I have a double date. I don't think I have been on a double date in a long time. Speaking of the boy, he is clumping up the stairs. He is actually using a real sock as an . Wow. He is hooting. Oh god. His trainer for the bike is in at the REI.
So, big decisions, what for dinner -- suggestions are India Palace, Thai, or Pizza Luce. India Palace looks like the winner. Yummmm, I haven't had Naan in two years.
I really like the character of Adam in Northern Exposure.
So the last few nights I have woken up in the middle of them, panicking that I am going to fail my prelim. Being that my prelim isn't until March, this isn't the best sign. Everyone I have talked to says that 6 weeks is the maximum amount of time any person should spend studying, otherwise they drive themself crazy, so I am prematurely worrying I think. I think I need to plan out amethod of going about prepping for this and then just leave it alone until I need to do it.
It has been the biggest relief ever to go down to a one cat household -- I actually do not dread going to my own home, can sleep there, it isn't a disaster (well, cat-created disaster), and it is really relaxing -- no tv, no internet, so I just read and play with the cat and cook.
The past few days have been incredibly fun -- I had a shopping bonanza with Katie. I haven't been on a big shopping excusrison in a long time and we shopped all day (okay, 7 hours of all day) and I had some amazing clothing finds, the best perhaps being the satin Calvin Klein tuxedo pants. Katie got the cutest purple oxford cloth shirt. Both finds are utterly fantastic. The only bad part of shopping was the realization that I, like many Minnesotans, have added an extra few pounds as it has gotten cold (what , go outside when it is below freezing?! I think not). Today continued the awesomeness, since the boy and I haven't had an official date night in awhile (we typically have one a week and we are fairly unexciting -- it typically involves dinner and a movie). However, today we got a coupon and went to Camp Snoopy all day. We rode almost all of the adult rides, including the new roller coaster that spins on the track (twice) and my all-time favorite type of ride -- the log flume. Two other ride highlights include the "virtual reality" Spongebob Squarepants ride -- its a big movie theater and the chairs move and lift and tilt and you are supposed to feel as though you are in the middle of all fo the action. The Spongebob movie was appropriately Spongebobtastic and involved riding his bike through rocky areas and running into things, so it reminded me of mountain biking and I just laughed the entire time. The movie could have featured Gary (SB's pet snail who meows. The cutest episode ever was when SB thought that Gary liked Patrick better then SB and Gary kept sliding up and down Patrick because Patrick had a cookie). The other highlight included this haunted house type ride where each person gets a flourescent gun and has to shoot guns. I love shooting games -- they are the only type of video game I have ever been good at and this one was no exception. I soundly beat the boy and we both had a lot of fun trying to 'hit" the ghosts. The only slight disappointment was that the boy couldn't get in to play Dance Dance Revolution in the arcade. Personally, I don't know is I am also disappointed, or if I am relieved.
I am including a list of my xmas itunes list to finish up. I hope everyone had a great new year!
With You Jessica Simpson
Bullet Proof...I Wish I Was Radiohead
these boots are made for walki Nancy Sinatra
Old Habits Die Hard Dave Stewart & Mick Jagger
Sloop John B Beach Boys
Rebel Rebel Seu Jorge
Needle In The Hay Elliott Smith
Voluntary Hospital Escape Bottle Rocket Soundtrack
Question Old 97's
She's Always A Woman To Me Billy Joel
Nina Simone - Just Like A Woman
Man That You Need Tim Easton
Didn't Think It Would Turn Out Bad Jon Brion
Downtown Train Tom Waits
Helpless (Neil Young) k.d. lang
Blood of Eden Peter Gabriel
Both Hands Ani DiFranco
Paralyzed Cardigans
Respect Aretha Franklin
That's Just What You Are Aimee Mann
Heroes David Bowie
You Give Me Fever Peggy Lee
I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You Colin Hay
Float On Modest Mouse
Over And Done With The Proclaimers
Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying Belle & Sebastian
Just Dance Napoleon Dynamite
Natural Blues Moby
Sitting Cat Stevens
Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometimes Beck
When My Boy Walks Down The Street The Magnetic Fields
this mess we're in Radiohead & pj harvey
Touch Me Fall Indigo Girls
Gir's Doom Song Invader Zim
Porcelain The Clientele
Standing On The Edge of Goodby John Berry
Hey Jude Mutato Muzika Orchestra
The Ascent Of Man R.E.M.
I See A Darkness Johnny Cash
Clem Snide - Beautiful Clem Snide
State Trooper Cowboy Junkies
I Could Never Be Your Woman Whitetown
Miss Being Mrs. Loretta Lynn
Tired Out Buck 65
Love is all around R.E.M.
That Certain Female Charlie Feathers
Sweetest Decline Beth Orton
Silver Threads and Golden Needles Linda Rondstadt
Maggie Mae Rod Stewart -
Ice Heavy Branches The Appleseed Cast
Seven James
We Call Them Pirates Out Here (Score) Mark Mothersbaugh
Lucky Radiohead
Hallelujah (Leonard Cohen) k.d. lang
Old 55 Tom Waits
Rainy Night In Georgia Ray Charles
Wigwam Bob Dylan
Aftermath R.E.M.
Trouble Ray LaMontagne
just another Pete Yorn
My Generation The Who
Go Your Own Way Fleetwood Mac
She's Always A Woman To Me Billy Joel
The Kilburn High Road Flogging Molly
Bar Italia Pulp
If I Could Phish w/ Allison Krauss
No Surprises Radiohead
Rattlesnakes Tori Amos
My Mood Swings Elvis Costello
A Whiter Shade Of Pale Willie Nelson & Waylon Jennings
Marilyn Monroe Dan Bern
There's No Other Way Blur
God Has No Mistakes Loretta Lynn
Younger than that now Travelling Wilburys
Planet Telex Radiohead
If You Gotta Go, Go Now Cowboy Junkies
Angelene PJ Harvey
Things Have Changed Bob Dylan
Tom Petty - Last Dance With Tom Petty
Santa Monica (acoustic) Everclear
There's A Light Rocky Horror Picture Show
Slip Away Clarence Carter
A Century Of Fakers Belle & Sebastian