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Some Friday Fun from The Chronicle: The Academic Zodiac

"We all know that the most difficult part of academic life is the uncertainty. Depending on the field, the outcome of many years of study is often determined by the arbitrary whims of Fortuna more than by our own accomplishments or desires.

The wheel spins one way, and you are tenured at Yale. The wheel spins another way, and you are writhing on the ground, covered in boils, an adjunct at a branch campus of an underfunded state university.

Nevertheless, many ways exist to maximize your chances for success in the academic cosmos, or outside of it, if necessary.

For that reason, I humbly propose the abolition of the career-services office for advanced-degree-seekers and instead plead for the restoration of the long-lost science of astrology -- recognized as legitimate by most every newspaper -- to its rightful place in academe.

Instead of asking, "What was your undergraduate major?" the academic astrologer will ask the far more important question, "What is your sign?" Once that is known, the appropriate advanced-degree program can be selected with an accuracy that is quite competitive in relation to the results of the Myers-Briggs personality-trait assessment, the Strong Interests Inventory, or the latest labor-shortage prediction.

See for yourself whether your sun sign captures your academic identity and prophesies the fields in which you surely will meet with the greatest success:"
Read on

Hahaha! Does your description ring true? Perhaps a hint of truthiness? Do comment!

Comments

Too funny, Marnie!

I especially loved:

Taurus: You are most likely to be tenured: You are dependably mediocre, patient, and practical, though you hold grudges after being provoked.

and:

Capricorn: You place great value on being connected to high-status institutions. You should obviously continue your studies in English or history, fields that will soon have many openings. If that doesn't work out, consider one of many alternative careers as a famous screenwriter, highly paid management consultant, medical-test subject, or personal assistant to Stanley Fish.

I've never really put much faith in astrology, but equine inseminator was actually my plan B had I not gotten into library school. Spooky stuff.