Everything I Wish I Would've Said.
Silence isn't always golden.
Olive,
There was a time in my life when I thought I knew exactly what I wanted; that I was the type of kid who had everything figured out. I wanted to shut out anyone I had an attachment to, live simply, study hard, and literally get my license to fly away. I was sick of being disrespected by Richard, worried for mom, and somehow seeing shards of myself whenever I looked at Frank from across our cramped room. My muteness was more a cry for help, my rebellion a false sense of freedom.
Still, amidst all the fights and frustration, the constant dysfunction, you stuck by me no matter what. I could always tell you were the one person in our family who really got me, but I never gave you the satisfaction of knowing that. I realize that a postcard isn't the most efficient way to dispense big-brother advice, but here's everything I wish I would have said to you all that time I kept quiet:
1. Always keep your dreams in check, no matter how outsized they might feel.
2. Some may say your wide-eyed awe at the world is a mark of your naivety--I admire it. In fact, I wish more people saw things as sweetly and simply as you did.
3. Believe me, pessimism is a lot harder to maintain than optimism--stick with what you know.
4. Stand up for what you believe in, even if it's just getting the dessert you deserve. (Oh, and parents being able to hold things above you and always win arguments? It'll pass. Soon, Mom and Richard will see that you actually know what you're talking about.)
5. Even if they can be a pain in the ass, your family will always be there for you. For better or worse.
6. People will be cruel. Keep YOUR chin up; sock 'em on theirs if you have to.
7. You can do anything in the world you want to.
8. If you ever need anything, you can always come talk to me. I promise I won't be silent anymore.
9. I love you and want to thank you for everything you've taught me, even if you were unaware an impact was being made. It was.
Your big brother,
Dwayne