From Alvin, To Danny Riordan
Mr. Danny Riordan,
I wanted to thank you again for letting me stay with you and your wife on my journey to Wisconsin. Slowly but surely I finally made it. While on the road I had plenty of time to think about mistakes I have made in the past, especially concerning my family, namely my daughter, Rose, and my brother, Lyle. Through my reflections, I came to the realization that keeping your pride isn’t worth losing your family and sometimes along with seeking forgiveness from others, you have to forgive yourself.
My daughter, Rose, has every reason to be angry with me. I was not the father she deserved to have growing up. After the war and losing so many friends, I felt that the only way to cope with reality was through alcoholism. Through the years, I have learned that life is much more enjoyable when you’re not numb to it. I’ve spent a lot of time feeling guilty about what I did to my family and to Rose. I think today though, Rose is happy to have a father and I am certainly happy to fill that role. I realized that in order to be the best father I can be I need to be there now and try to forget the past. I’m not going to be around forever, but I can be there for her now and try to make up for lost time instead of losing it by dwelling on what happened so long ago.
While on the road, I also had a lot of time to think about what exactly I wanted to say to my brother, Lyle, when I saw him for the first time after all these years. We talked for a long time. I guess we must both be getting old because neither one of us could very well remember what we were so upset about. It’s nice to have my brother back and a relief to have those ill feelings and bitterness that I’ve been carrying around for so long off of my shoulders. We were so close growing up and it was hard to hear the things that he went through because of me, because he cared so much about me.
I took me almost fifty years to realize how important it is to have a family. It took me a long time to understand why I was so lucky and not my friends, and to forget the things that I saw during the war. It has taken longer to forgive myself for what this has done to my family. But now, at 73 years old, I feel like I can finally begin to live in the present.
Sincerely,
Alvin Straight