Analysis: Lead for Star Tribune's road rage story

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Although the lead for the Star Tribune's story about the sentencing of a Centerville man for a road rage incident definitely summarizes the news and includes important information of the who, what, and when, I feel that the lead also contains more information than is necessary.

The news, of course, is that the man was sentenced to more than seven years in prison, and that is the information that hits the reader's eye first. Yet, the lead goes on to state a play-by-play of the crime he was convicted for, a part of the lead that could be condensed.

This description of the crime could be placed in the second or third paragraph to provide more detail and context to the news, which is the man's conviction. Something as simple as "A Centerville man was sentenced Friday to more than seven years in prison for running a woman down in a parking lot," or "A Centerville man was sentenced Friday to more than seven years in prison for involvement in a road rage attack," would be sufficient.

These leads still give an interest to the story, and would still move a reader to continue to the second or third paragraphs where the full description of the crime can be given.

1 Comment

Nice job. Be sure to do all five weekly entries.

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This page contains a single entry by zittl005 published on September 19, 2010 7:05 PM.

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